words in movies
Chandler: What are you guys doing?
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Thats the creep that youre with at the Statue of Liberty.
Phoebe: Hey, why dont you guys go, get portraits done by a professional photographer.
Monica: Chandler what do you say?
Chandler: All right, but I should warn you, Im not going. Im going. (Does The Face while saying that last part.)
Ross: Oh, you guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy, we call him Hums While He Pees.
Phoebe: (returning) Hey you guys, Hums While He Pees just asked me out!
Phoebe: He is! But hes getting divorcedRoss! Maybe you know him.
Phoebe: You dont have to be back for a half-hour!
Chandler: Rach, if you have a crush on this guy, why would you hire him? I mean yknow you cant date him right?
Ross: Soon hell be able to call you, that lady he knew who got fired.
Phoebe: So you wouldnt mind if he was dating someone else?
Rachel: Oh, great could you make me four copies of those?
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
Chandler: Okay. (Youll have to see it, I cant describe the face he makes, but it isnt good.)
Rachel: Hi Joey! What are you doing here?
Joey: Uhh, well Ive got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. (Removes his hand to reveal a huge sauce stain.) You got an extra one?
Joey: Great. (He doesnt like it.) You got anything thats not Ralph Lauren?
Rachel: Hey, listen umm, what-what are you doing tonight?
Rachel: How would you feel about taking out my assistant Tag? Ill pay.
Rachel: Im not asking you to go on a date with him!
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
Chandler: Oh my God! Those are my bedroom eyes?! Why did you ever sleep with me?
Monica: Do you really want to pull at that thread?
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Phoebe: Yeah, umm thats Whitney (Points), Kyles ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can yknow divert her so that we can slip out?
Ross: Look, I dont think so Pheebs. (Pause) All right, Ill do it. But just because youre a friend. (Grabs the tickets and heads to divert Whitney.)
Phoebe: All right, well I just wanted to say thank you though for diverting Kyles ex.
Ross: Oh yeahNoYoure welcome. Well talk about it later.
Whitney: Hi Ross! You ready for breakfast?
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Ross: (opens the door and to Whitney) Hi! Im sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Phoebe: Like shes really mean, and shes over critical, and-andNo! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Ross: Fine! Thank you for warning me. At breakfast Ill be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.
Phoebe: Youre still gonna go out with her?!
Phoebe: Well, didnt you just hear what I said?!
Ross: Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husbands gonna say that stuff. Now, if youll excuse me
Phoebe: You see? Nothing is good enough for her!
Rachel: Hi Tag! Hey, so did you have fun with uh, with Joey last night?
Rachel: Wo-women? You mean like old women?
Rachel: Thats great! Wow man, so Joey mustve really taught you some stuff huh?
Tag: (To her, in the Joey voice) How you doin?
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, you wanna know what I do when I take resume shots?
Joey: Okay, firstfirst of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down (Looks down), look down, keep looking down; then I look up. (Looks up and smiles.) See? All right, now you try. Look down (Chandler looks down), youre looking down, keep looking down
Rachel: So uh, heard you had some fun with Tag last night.
Rachel: Yeah and you had fun teaching him how to be all Joey.
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Rachel: All right, would-would you mind just not going out with him again? Okay, just the idea of you and he and all these women, its justAnd I know hes my assistant and I cant date himbut it just bothers me, all right?!
Joey: Hey! No-no-no-no, you cant take him away from me! I got a great partner to pick up girls with! Finally!!
Rachel: All right, will you, will you at least tell him how hollow and unsatisfying this, dating tons of women thing is!
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
Chandler: Did you have a crush on me, when you first met me?
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
Rachel: (To Joey) So, will you talk to him?
Rachel: Oh, come on! Ill give you ten free Ralph Lauren shirts.
Joey: One! (Pause.) No ten! You said ten! You cant take that back!
Tag: Hey Joey, you wanted to talk to me?
Joey: I dont know. You uh, you got something for me?
Joey: Yeah, for you!
Monica: (seeing him approach) Hey! There you are!
Monica: Are you okay?
Monica: Chandler, what were you thinking?
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Phoebe: You think hes emotionally unavailable?
Ross: (angrily) I knew you were gonna throw that in my face!! That was three years ago! She apologized and she apologized! What more do you want?!!
Ross: So do we!! So do we!! (Ross notices a couple has been staring at them.) Im sorry you had to see that.
Rachel: Hi! (He hands her, her mail) Thanks, hey so uh whatd you do last night?
Tag: Its just not really who I am. Y'know, Ive always been happier when Why am I telling you this? You dont care about this stuff.
Rachel: Oh no, yes I do! I do! I mean, come on go on, you were, you were saying I am happier when uh, yknow?
Tag: Uh-huh! Let me ask you something?
Tag: Do you believe that there is one perfect person for everyone?
Tag: And if that person is already in your life, you should do something about it right?
Kyle: Oh hey! Good, youre both here.
Phoebe: Both of you together?
Phoebe: Oh right, because youre so capable of change.
Ross: Thats all right, we-we dont need you. In fact, hey Im over it already.
Ross: (To Phoebe) Im sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Yknow, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.
Phoebe: And yknow, even if they break up again, youd better not let him in your sad mens club!
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
Joey: (stomps on the footrest which pops Ross up into a sitting position) The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out who did it! (slapping his hands with each word) You always have to think about the trail!
Joey: Come on Pheebs! I cant take this anymore! Let-let me make it up to you. Huh? (Starts singing.) Ground control to Major Tom. Commencing countdown, engines on. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!
BIG BULLY: Of course we're hitting faces, why wouldn't you hit faces?
Joey: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brothers triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn!
Girl: Youre a big scrud.
Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But yknow you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?
Rachel: Jill this is not about me being jealous of you! This is about you being a brat! Wanting what you cant have!
Monica: Oh, you really want to talk about getting people to like you huh, funny man? (Joey laughs but stops when Chandler turns to glare at him.)
Monica: (noticing Rachel crawling behind the couch) Rach? What are you doing?
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and well call that pulling a Monica.
Joey: All right, look, you got to help me out, ok? Look, I have the magic marker, I want you to fill in the skinny one soI don�t look stupid for my pictures.
Joey/Drake: Yes, you do.Yes...you do. I'm the one who doesn't have a choice because I...because I can't stop loving you.
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
Charlie: There's an indoor pool, you can swim there! (Ross agrees)
Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Judge: You need to get out of my chambers.
Phoebe: Oh, this is so exciting! You get your picture back up on the wall of fame! Eek!
Amy: You didn't want me to marry the old guy with the great apartment. Then, I tried to help your daughter to de-emphasize her flaws (frantically pointing at her nose) And suddenly I am the bad guy?
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.
Bank Officer: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. (to a beautiful woman) Would you come over here please?
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Joey: Youre right. Youre right. I-Ill go tell her now before Ross finds out and Ill be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out.
Chandler: You do know that Wham broke up?
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since were-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Rosss mother
Monica: Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marries.
Chandler: Ah, the "I'm sorry I rejected you" phone call. I'm not used to getting it from guys. (on the phone, getting up from the sofa) Hey, Steve.
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
Ross: I dunno, maybe its because youre really sarcastic. Or maybe its cause you uh-
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
Joey: Hey, did you get to the part where theyre trapped in the car and Cujos throwin himself at the windshield?
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
Chandler: Well, I think it's great that you're going on a date, you know? I mean, it sounds healthy. I mean, you have needs. Embrace your womanhood!
Cailin: Ill join you.
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Monica: Hey Rach, the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation and we were wondering if you would write one for us.
Chandler: I am sorry I am late. You�ll understand when you�ll see Joey.
Phoebe: You just did it again. Chandler, your feelings for Chandler are certainly gone!
Ross: This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? (Laughs--whines as he sees that no one is laughing. They're just staring at him in shock.)
Jennifer: Thank you Conan!
Chandler: Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
PHOEBE: Yeah, eight of them. That's 56 to him. You know also, if, if it's raining, you can't let him look up too long 'cause that cone'll fill up really really fast.
AMGER: I love you Drake.
Monica: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Phoebe: No. No, I wont. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didnt love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And thats how she ended up living with me! (Ross looks at her.) (Pause) Okay, thats a lie.
Chandler: Im saying that she is a devil woman! Yknow I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I dont hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Rachel: No, yknow what? Its gonna be okay. I mean you dont have to have this rustic Italian feast. Yknow? And-and you dont need, you dont need this custom-made, empire waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off the rack. (She starts to cry, as does Monica.)
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
Monica: Why would the little girl creep you out?
JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
Rachel: Yeah, it's a real shame you can't make it to that one-woman show tonight.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
Ross: Hey Joe did Did you ever have a threesome?
Chandler: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!
Rachel: All right, look, heres the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, Ill invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Phoebe: Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! (They both laugh at what she said.)
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
Rachel: (taking off her sweater) Okay umm, Ross? I'm-I'm really warm, so I'm going to be taking off my sweater. Now, I'm just letting you know that this is not an invitation to the physical act of love.
Monica: Now see, this way you protect the plate.. and lets face it you have fun.
Rachel: Hey! How's it going? Did you make any new friends?
CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright.
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Ross: (on the phone) Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? (pause) Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? (pause) Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you.
Ross: Well I, close your eyes, I just think youre gonna like this a little better, cause, close-close... (He gets some more on the brush)
Rachel: Hey! You guys umm, I want you to meet Sebastian.
Chandler: You mean like for award shows?
Rachel: Phoebe, dont you think youve had enough to drink?
Rachel: Okay. Oh wait, wait-wait, youre not gonna come with me?
Phoebe: All right. Ok, but, but! You have to promise that you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica about it.
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Phoebe: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, cause Im pregnant.
Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdales?
Ginger: Its okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is: How much it bothers you? because I dont like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Monica: You gave her food poisoning!?
Chandler: Sorry, I just cant sleep. Ooh! (Turns on the light and Monica groans.) Where is that book that you are reading with the two women who were ice-skating and wearing, wearing those hats with the flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover Im like (Fake snores.)
Amy: Uh.. To name a few. You know.. You know.. You've just always been like this. You just have to have everything. And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me?
Max: No. Have you seen David?
PHOEBE: Right. My name was on there, but now it just says "carrot cake". So, um, so um, how many chords do you know?
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! Youre at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Ross: Rach, c�mon, Emma is fine. You�re turning into an obsessive mother. Okay, you need to stop.
Gunther: Youve sung Happy Birthday to 20 different women today!
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
Ursula: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.
Chandler: Im not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?
Michelle: It�s so amazing I met you the same day that Eric broke up with me, because it�s like you lose a boyfriend,you get a boyfriend.
Rachel: Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!