words in movies
Rachel: And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."
Chandler: (To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Chandler: Oh thats right. Its your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
Phoebe: No! Joey, youre going to be great!
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
Chandler: Are you judging them by their covers? Because youre really not supposed to do that.
Phoebe: Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.
Ross: What are you guys doing later?
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
Ross: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.
The Producer: (checking his watch) Lets get you into wardrobe for a fitting.
Joey: (slaps Wayne on his cheek) How do you do there, Wayne? (Backs away.)
The Producer: Ill let you two guys get acquainted, huh? (Walks away.)
C.H.E.E.S.E.: (Wayne with a computerized voice) Nice to meet you Mac!
Joey: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, yknow? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.
Ross: It-its great to meet you Paul.
Paul: Why cant you get a girlfriend your own age?
Paul: I dont like you going out with my daughter Ross.
Ross: Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind.
Paul: Okay. Ill give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)
Ross: This isyou(Ross starts laughing.)
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Monica: How crazy that wed run into you!
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens Id like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Phoebe: Youre Elizabeths father, huh? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Paul: Oh, you dont have to do that every time.
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Rachel: Hi, Im sorry Im late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Lizs father get here?
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Monica: No, you said the baby creeps you out.
Monica: You said the baby.
Monica: Why would the little girl creep you out?
Phoebe: (writing frantically) You guys, Im sorry, could you please talk a little slower?
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
Rachel: You just dont look old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter.
Rachel: Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I justI meant yknow are you still a We or are you just You?
Rachel: (sympathetic) Ohh. So you raised her all on your own?
Phoebe: Well, why dont you just get him fired?
Rachel: I was just getting him to like you.
Rachel: Ross, its okay. You can come out.
Ross: (coming out of the bedroom) Oh! Oh my God! I didnt even see you!
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Paul: Ill call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)
Ross: You were at the coffeehouse!
Rachel: WhYou dated my sister!
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Lets face it, so far the guys not lovin ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, yknow? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
Monica: Well yknow Joey, youre a pretty charming guy.
Monica: No sweetie, youve got to win over the guy that controls C.H.E.E.S.E.! Youve got to kiss some serious robot ass!
Joey: Thats not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow Im not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Chandler: So do you think uh, Joeys more charming than me?
Chandler: Yeah, you wish. (Stops to think about it and gets depressed.)
Phoebe: (writing in her book) "You wish."
Phoebe: Im not writing about you! Im writing about other people.
Monica: Okay fine! Fine! Then you know what, Ill just write about Phyllis! Hmm!
Phoebe: I see what youre doing!
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
Ross: Yeah. You know what? I know what you mean; I do that too.
Paul: You have a son?
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
Paul: Dont worry about it, I just didnt realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
Ross: Youre back.
Paul: You two were married?!
Rachel: Oh! Whoops! Im sorry, you were talking about Emily!
Phoebe: I know what time you said.
Phoebe: I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.
Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.
Phoebe: Thanks! So are you.
Chandler: (To Monica) I told you I should not wear this color. (Hes wearing a reddish-orange sweater.)
Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!
Monica: Inside of telling us you decided to write in your stupid book!
Wayne: Hey Joey, I want to talk to you.
Joey: Yeah? Well, I dont want to talk to you Wayne! I hate you! You ruined my life! Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. (They shake hands.)
Wayne: Joey, Joey, I-I-Ill g-get you your job back if you help me out.
Joey: (incredulous) Why should I help you?!
Joey: (happily) What do you need?
Wayne: I-I-I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman, yknow Sarah?
Joey: What are you in love with her or something?
Wayne: Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.
Joey: Oh wow Wayne, its not really something you can teach yknow? Its pretty much something youre born with if you(Off Chandlers look)You-you can teach it! Ill show you right how to do it.
Rachel: I mean if you think about it, I mean Ross did learn something from each marriage.
Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?
Ross: Yknow what? I-I-I I-I have had enough of this! Yknow, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if youve got a problem with me, frankly
Paul: Are you yelling at me?!
Elizabeth: Yknow what daddy? If you dont like Ross, thats fine. It doesnt matter to me, Im gonna go out with him anyway.
Paul: Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesnt make me like you any better!
Joey: Well, it turns out you were right C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: You got it! And the rabbis beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Pauses as he waits for C.H.E.E.S.E.s next line.) Its your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Suddenly C.H.E.E.S.E. goes crazy and starts flinging its arms and advancing on Joey behind the desk.) Wayne! Wayne!!
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
PHOEBE: You know what, that's it, that's it. [She rips off the mits, Ryan follows her lead.]
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
Young Ethan: Well, you never told me how old you were.
Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
Rachel: Well yeah, but I mean, it was good scared though, you know? Like when I-moved-to-New-York scared. Or uhm, when I-found-out-I-was-gonna-have-Emma scared... But this is... fine. This is gonna be good. (they both stare around)
Chandler: Thats not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Joey: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew! (runs after the waiter)
PHOEBE: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes theres just a word that someone has to say that youll get hung up on. And itll justthe way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
Ross: So then if-ifI mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.
Ross: Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off!
PHOEBE: Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh, now.
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Rachel: Wo-women? You mean like old women?
Joey: You don't wanna see what I just saw! (at this moment Monica comes home, and sees Chandler flat on his back on the floor and Joey pinning him down)
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingys.
Emily: No. Thats not what Im saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
RACH: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it.
Joey: Well, youre timing couldnt be better. Shes not my girlfriend anymore.
Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?
Joey: NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we'll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
MONICA: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you.
Joey: What are you doing? I said seven! (Holds up six fingers.) (Realizes his mistake) Argh!!!
The Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
Joey: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?
Joey: You do attract some stinkers.
Charlie: I will if you will.
Ross: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.
RUSS: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Monica: (pulling Chandler away from the Maitre d') You need to give him money.
Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.
Lewis: Well why not you changed Neds grade!
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Im good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everythingare youare you perrr-perfect?!
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
Hotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Chandler: No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. (Picks up the phone and wipes it off) Phone's done ehh.
MONICA: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.
Guy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Bobby: Hi Dina. Good to see you.
Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why Im not drinking on this date tonight. "Umm, Im a recovering alcoholic. Im a Mormon," or "I got so hammered last night Im still a little drunk?"
Chandler: Arent you just a tinsy bit curious?
Chandler: Youre not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Joey: (he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!
Monica: Do you wanna go hunting?
Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.
Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 years old. I mean, you remember what its like to be eighteen years old?
Ross: Monica, Im cutting you off.
Joey: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldnt schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Rachel: Thank you. (Mr. Thompson walks away and after hes left.) Okay, (writing her bid down) twenty dollars.
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Ross: Momentary lapse. Dont-dont you have any self-control?
Rachel: I mean, look-look today you escaped (Pause) (Not believing it) death, y'know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily?
Ross: (in an Australian accent) You complete me kitchen, matey!
Phoebe: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler if he can wait for like five minutes.
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Chandler: Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman thing? If you pick Ross, he'll walk you down the isle just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy!
Doug: Oh, my ex-wife didnt work, unless you call turning into her mother work. Fine. Tomorrow night then.
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
Joey: (to her) Youre a weird lady.
Conan: So that you will intentionally do something thattheyll-theyll intentionally screw it up?
Rachel: Really nice to meet you... and we'll call you.
Monica: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
Phoebe: Im sorry, for the last time, why arent you two together again? (Silence from Ross.) No, I know. I know, because youre not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are.
Joey: (to a guy) Bijan for men? (to a guy) Bijan for men? (To a woman) Bijan for... (Sees it's a woman and stops.) (To Annabelle who walks up.) Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.
Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?
Joey: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.
Rachel: All right, I took them. But I figured it would be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch.
Dr. Long: Thats right. But if you dont want to know
Monica: Why dont you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think youre, yknow, that youre adjusting to life in America.
Chandler: Its a hand. Its a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didnt kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. Its, its, its just ah, a coincidence.
Chandler: Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? (picks up the remote and presses a button, and he immediately makes a face that just looks like hes going to throw up!)
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Chandler: Look you dont understand, Gandolf is amazing. Yknow youre never know whats gonna end up happening, you go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat to Nova Scotia!