words in movies
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Phoebe: Oh! You got it?!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Estelle: Yeah, they wanna see you again tomorrow.
Estelle: Theres just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Hey the wedding is so close! Are you getting nervous?
Monica: Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand?
Ross: So what! I still haveNo youre probably right.
Rachel: Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?
Monica: I know youre planning my surprise bridal shower.
Monica: Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie?
Monica: Thats what you say about porn.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Rachel: (calmly) Okay. Im sorry. Youre right, youre right.
Rachel: Ah you went one too far. Uh, flowers or balloons?
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. What do you think, bossy and domineering?!
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
Cassie: I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.
Chandler: (transfixed) Hi! Nice to meet you!
Cassie: Nice to meet you too.
Monica: So, are you ready to go?
Chandler: Ill be right with you.
Monica: You were staring about eight inches south of there.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Monica: So to get this part you cant be?
Monica: But you are?
Monica: But you told them you werent?
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Oh my God, what are you gonna do?!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still dont have a guest list.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know thats coming? Me. Are you?
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Rachel: Are you makin him a sandwich?
Monica: I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present! (Runs out.)
Rachel: Oh my God youre amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse?
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Cassie: Oh my God! You do a great Chandler!
Cassie: Well, maybe after we get reacquainted uh, you can do me.
Ross: Cassie, how you-how you doin on that hot dog.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
Phoebe: How are you? (The woman nods) Good. (She goes over to another couple of women.) Hi, thanks for coming.
Woman: Oh thank you.
Phoebe: Thank you. (To the other woman) No? (She nods.) All right. (She goes to another pairing.) Oh, its so nice to see you.
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her!
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Monica: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Monica: What are you trying on now?
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Cassie: Hey! What the hell are you doing?! (They sit back up.)
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Rachel: Well first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower.
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Monica: You al-you already had it?
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave.
Rachel: Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you dont have either.
Rachel: What do you, what do you mean?
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: Cassie, are you finding everything okay in there?
Cassie: Yeah! Thank you so much for letting me stay here.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Monica: No, Chandlers still in Phase One, and Joeys that thing you smell.
Ross: Are you serious?
Joey: I saw you.
The Interviewer: But therell be perhaps 30 people under you so you can dump a certain amount on them.
Joey: You kissed.
Phoebe: No, you cant let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!
Joey: It will be when you look like that in a tight skirt! This is great! Im getting more dates than ever!
Joey: Oh... uh... look... before you...
Phoebe: Okay, those are my sunglasses, you borrowed them from me.
Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.
Phoebe: Okay so, by melting, you meant melting.
Joey: Dude, you dont have to brag! We got nothing here!!
Chandler: See Joe, we want you to tell stories but yknow, romantic stories. Nice stories.
Monica: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!
MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas.
Precious: Hi, I'm Precious, who are you?
ERICA: Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little while ago you were reattaching someone's spinal cord.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
Phoebe: Yeah! Sure! Yep! (Gets up) Oh, y'know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you.
Chandler: What are you singing?
Monica: You what? You said you liked them.
Ross: Fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yoghurt, or something.. (opens the door)
Phoebe: Look at you all grown up.
Ross: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying?
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers start singing smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly behind her] Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, who was that?
Phoebe: All right, Ive never been engaged and Ive never really been married, but I can only tell you what my mother told me. Whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship, do not communicate them to your husband.
Ross: Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen)
Joey: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like.. like I was some kind of idiot.
Phoebe: Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.
Monica: You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. Youre right, Im sorry.
ROSS: Remember when sometimes he'd borrow your hat, and, and when you got it back there'd be little monkey raisins in it.
Chandler: You can't move at all?
Tommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! (They start to leave.) Here! (He throws him back his ticket.) (to Ross, calmly) Hey man, you want the aisle?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Chandler: I think you know.
Ross: (a little suprised) Two? Wha...? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart
JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department.
Rachel: Yeah, well Bettys kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Monica: Sure, what do you have in mind?
Ross: So you two are..?
Rachel: No, but you know what I mean.
Rachel: Can I ask you a question?
MONICA: There's no man in here.� How dare you accuse me of that.� (She slaps Chandler.)
Phoebe: Well, do you care about friendship?
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But lookI've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
Monica: Oh, when you get over this breakup we need to go shopping.
Phoebe: What?! They took mine to give to you!
Phoebe: Good to see you.
Ross: This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks. (takes a careful bite from the cookie)
Phoebe: Oh no, Rach, no no, you know youre never supposed to wake a sleeping baby.
Frank Jr.: Hi, how you doin'?
Phoebe: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for Joey after he went out with her.
Rachel: Oh, you bet.
Ross: Uh, do you wanna go change first? The doctors keeping the office open late for us, but if you hurry
Rachel: Okay, well, we brought you some wine.
Phoebe: So do you want to hang out or something?
Joey: Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Chandler: Thanks, its ah, Gaelic, for Thy turkeys done. So ah, Im gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Phoebe: No, youre too late!!! She already took out the trash!!!
The Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside!
Monica: Can I adopt you?
Phoebe: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
Chandler: You do? That's fantastic!
Phoebe: Oh did youwhat did youdid you work for two days straight?
Monica: Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman?
Ross: Just, just say what you feel.
Ross: (Enters) Oh good, you haven't left yet.
Joey: Oh... yeah... Probably you don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it... lady. Yeah! I waited weeks for you to call me.
Waiters: (with birthday cake, singing) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear �
Parker: Ah! Oysters! Let me feed you one.
Dr. Green: You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?! Im gonna kill you!!
Joey: (looking through his binoculars at a nearby building) Yknow what else makes you wonder?
Steve: It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
Joshua: Kidding! (Rachel is relived) Im gonna get there early, but Im going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
RACHEL: I didn't know you guys hung out.
Chandler: No-no, I dont think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) So what do you think? (referring to her outfit)
Phoebe: I couldve been killed I hope you know!
Phoebe: Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for.
Colleen: You told him he's adopted?
Ross: What you got over there? Tacos?
Joey: Dude, are you okay?
Rachel: Ross, you don't seem okay.
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Dont tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
Joey: Morning. Here you go.
Ross: What do you mean?
Ross: Thanks. Did you stay here all night?
Helena: Monica! Where are you from?
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
Chandler: So, you and Rachel tonight, huh?
Phoebe: Okay, now would you say that thats more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family?
Phoebe: Really?! Oh thats so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again Ill have to pound on you for a little bit.
Chandler: Just give us the cheapest room you have.
Joey: Well, I'm justif the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
Joey: This is so exciting for her. Well, Ill let you two fash ists get down to business. (Exits.)
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.)
Ross: Well... I like how you look, what are you?