words in movies
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Phoebe: Oh! You got it?!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Estelle: Yeah, they wanna see you again tomorrow.
Estelle: Theres just one thing. Do you have a problem with full frontal nudity?
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Hey the wedding is so close! Are you getting nervous?
Monica: Hey Phoebe, will you give me a hand?
Ross: So what! I still haveNo youre probably right.
Rachel: Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?
Monica: I know youre planning my surprise bridal shower.
Monica: Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie?
Monica: Thats what you say about porn.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Rachel: (calmly) Okay. Im sorry. Youre right, youre right.
Rachel: Ah you went one too far. Uh, flowers or balloons?
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. What do you think, bossy and domineering?!
(Cassie enters from the guest room, with her hair up. The extremely beautiful and sexy Denise Richards is playing Cassie. Woo hoo! For those of you who dont know who she is, rent Wild Things and she was also the last Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough.)
Cassie: I thought I heard voices. You must be Chandler.
Chandler: (transfixed) Hi! Nice to meet you!
Cassie: Nice to meet you too.
Monica: So, are you ready to go?
Chandler: Ill be right with you.
Monica: You were staring about eight inches south of there.
The Casting Director: Actually, I tried to call to you. You didnt need to come down here today.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
The Casting Director: So uh well the director is insisting that whoever play that part be authentically, anatomically not Jewish. Do you know what Im saying?
Monica: So to get this part you cant be?
Monica: But you are?
Monica: But you told them you werent?
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Oh my God, what are you gonna do?!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. All right, you take care of that. And meanwhile, the party is tomorrow and we still dont have a guest list.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know thats coming? Me. Are you?
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Rachel: Are you makin him a sandwich?
Monica: I guess you can get back to deciding on what to get me for a present! (Runs out.)
Rachel: Oh my God youre amazing! Did you just pull that out of her purse?
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Cassie: Oh my God! You do a great Chandler!
Cassie: Well, maybe after we get reacquainted uh, you can do me.
Ross: Cassie, how you-how you doin on that hot dog.
Ross: Oh right. Right. Ooh, remember the time I uh, I pinned you down and tickled you til you cried? (She laughs) Were probably too old to do that now.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
Phoebe: How are you? (The woman nods) Good. (She goes over to another couple of women.) Hi, thanks for coming.
Woman: Oh thank you.
Phoebe: Thank you. (To the other woman) No? (She nods.) All right. (She goes to another pairing.) Oh, its so nice to see you.
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her!
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Monica: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
Monica: Okay? (To a different group) Over here we have pink suede, which is nice. But umm, if it gets wet then you know its gonna shrink.
Monica: I also, did a little something in fur. But umm, thats really just for me. (Rubs it against her cheek.) Okay. So, why dont you go into your room and try these on and well seeget a better idea of whats gonna work.
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Monica: What are you trying on now?
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Cassie: Hey! What the hell are you doing?! (They sit back up.)
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Rachel: Well first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower.
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Monica: You al-you already had it?
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, we called everyone in your phone book and bunch of people came, but it took us so long to get you here that they-they had to leave.
Rachel: Yeah, we wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower, and now you dont have either.
Rachel: What do you, what do you mean?
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Phoebe: Cassie, are you finding everything okay in there?
Cassie: Yeah! Thank you so much for letting me stay here.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Phoebe: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number.
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Rachel: Nice to meet you.
Monica: Oh please! Why else would you have made out with Ross?!
Elizabeth: Oops! I did not mean to run into you like that sir.
ROSS: So do you have like any nuclear weapons on board?
Phoebe: Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.
Joey: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if you don't want to play, we completely understand.
Mrs. Geller: So Chandler, youre parents mustve been thrilled when you told them you were engaged.
Ross: You... you dated Albert Wintermeyer?
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Phoebe: It's all right. You can mourn.
Mike: Me too. (He leaves. A few moments later, he enters again.) You know what? I just realised something. I don't wanna go home.
ROSS: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. (da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
Monica: When Rachel was with Paulo, what did you do?
Chandler: You kissed her that night too?
Monica: Uch, you see, I�m ovulating.
Ross: Nice to meet you.
Chandler: I... I don't know... you seem lovely.
Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there?
Monica: Yeah, come on, eat, whatever you want. Dr. Roger got beeped again.
Chandler: Her ass print is still on your grandmothers quilt, do you really want to talk about smoking?
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Ross: What? You - you're making money off my misery?
Monica: And I can't stop you.
Phoebe: Hey, thank you so much for these tickets, Chandler.
Monica:: I cannot tell you how happy that makes me! (They hug)
Ross: Why do you care so much?
Chandler: Now Ive upset you? What did I say?
Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? Theres no way, you look like Rosss mother.
Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
Rachel: No, you're right, you are absolutely right. I mean that makes, that makes everything different.
Phoebe: He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." (They stare at her, dumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?
Chandler: Okay, we owe you a present.
Monica: (entering) Hey honey! I missed you today!
Mike: (to Chandler and Ross) You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle.
Rachel: Really?! Arent you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis graduation party?
Carol: (from the kitchen) Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
Rachel: Im not! Were having a girl! Sometimes I cant believe its with youBut still! Were having a girl!
Phoebe: Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet?!!
Ross: Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid?
Joey: Can I offer you a drink?
Rachel: Yeah. I just, I kept trying to make you a better person, but you're... you're already a pretty perfect version of what you are.
Erica: Gosh, you know, you're just such an amazing couple. It's... kind of intimidating.
Ross: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered.
Receptionist: Then why you work here?
Conan: For example, I dont have to memorize lines. You guys actually have to remember what to say and you probably forget from time to time. Yes?
RACH: Ohh, OK, OK, OK, well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.
Rachel: All right, I trust you. (Continues to dial)
Ross: Really?! (To Rachel) Hey, yknow what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, heres-heres 60 bucks, why dont you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff.
Joey: (checking) EH, what do you know!
Ross: Were still married! Dont tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Ross: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.
Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? Its going terribly slowly.
Joey's Hand Twin: Do I know you?
Chandler: You are aware that shes not a monkey, right?
Rachel: Yes, I'm sorry. Do you have any extra pants? Umm, my friend seems to have had a little accident.
Chandler: Why are you here?
Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!
Ross: (on machine) "Hey Ross, it's you!" (Hits the stop button) Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that.
Emily: You are so sweet. (They kiss.)
Joey: (on phone) Well, so anyway Beth, what Im saying is I shouldve considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. Ive ah, Ive recently learned whats it like to be on your side of it, and Im sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? (listens) Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. (He sits down and crosses out something, and dials the phone again.) Hello, Jennifer? (listens) Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? (listens) Oh, shes not home huh? (listens) Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.
Joey: Yeah! You three have a nice Thanksgiving.
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Rachel: Joey, I gotta tell ya, I've been thinking all day about that scene you did, I mean, you were amazing!
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Phoebe: How can you come here?
Jim: Do you like to party?
Rachel: How could you not tell me you worked here?
Rachel: Good for you Pheebs!
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
Ross: What do you mean?
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
CHANDLER: Hey, you just wanna forget about raquetball and hang out here?
Joey: (smiling) Not likely. 'Cause you see that body bag right there
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either "Liar, Liar" or "Betrayal", or... "An Affair To Remember".
Brenda: Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible! Whered you get it?
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "Thats not how your dad used to do it."
Charlie: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.
ROSS: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?
Monica: You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. (being sat down) Ooh, uh, thanks. Wow, little tight, isn�t it? How d�you get a bigger table? You-you had a big table, but they made you move. Huh-huh, shut up Monica. Whoo, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck.
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Monica: Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife.
Male Jeweler: Okay. (Holds out the ring, deadpan.) Will you marry me?
Cheryl: Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, that's too bad that didn't work out.
Ross: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Joey: Hey, here you go. (Hands her another one.)
Chandler: But you come first!
Charlie: We'll see you, guys! (she goes)
Ross: How do you feel about all this?
Rachel: No you dont know why!
Ross: Oh, that's not what you want...
Joey: yeah but she should remember sleeping with me I am very memorable, you guys know.
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-lifes gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?