words in movies
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Ross: Uh, oh-oh, no you didnt. I did.
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Monica: Well, you tell a lot of jokes!
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Joey: No, thats VH-1. I gotta tell you, the music these kids listen to today . . . Its like a lotta noise to me. I dont know
Chandler: If you need money, will you please-please just let me loan you some money?
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Monica: (relieved) Its only you.
Phoebe: Wh-wh-what are you doing?
Monica: So do you think that these picturesAre, are they trying to tell a story?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Aw, remember the days when you used to go out to the barn, lift up your shirt, and bend over?
Rachel: You see, now, I would date this girl. Shes cute, shes outdoorsy, you know, and she knows how to build a fire. I mean, thats got to come in handy
Monica: Okay, Ive got a question. If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be?
Joey: You forget how many great songs Heart had.
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Chandler: So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.
Joey: Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but Im not even sure I got it.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Gunther: (handing Joey the bill) Here you go.
Gunther: Well, if you want, you can work here.
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
Monica: Its wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Monica: Do you know whats a bad idea?
Monica: Thats right. (A noise comes from the living room.) Did you hear something?
Monica: (entering) Hey, you guys.
Monica: (laughing) Oh, dont you guys look cute. You guys make such a cute couple.
Rachel: Monica, what are you doing?
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Monica: (angrily) It wasnt funny at all! Why would you do that? Why didnt you pick me?
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Phoebe: No, okay, youre right. Youre easy-going. Youre just not as easy-going as Rachel. Shes just more flexible and-and mellow. Thats all.
Phoebe: Ya, you know, Rachel shell do whatever you want. Yknow, you can just walk all over her.
Rachel: What? Wait a minute. What are you saying, that Im a pushover? Im not a pushover.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, (laughing) youre not a pushover.
Rachel: Oh my you think Im a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? Youre not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think thats pretty strong, thats what I think. Come on, Monica, lets go to lunch. (She leaves)
Monica: (to Phoebe) You start working on that list. (She grabs her coat and leaves, too.)
Monica: I know. Where do you wanna go eat?
Rachel: All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, cause Im heading up there.
Monica: No, thank you.
Joey: (to a table of strangers) You guys need anything, cause Im heading up there.
Joey: You got it.
Monica: Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
Rachel: Joey, honey, I dont think youre supposed to go back there.
Joey: Okay, but I dont see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.
Monica: Joey, do you work here?
Monica: Joey, whats going on. What didnt you tell us you work here?
Chandler: So is your apron. Youre wearing it like a cape.
Joey: I mean, the jobs easy and the moneys good, you know? I guess Im going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.
Ross: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still havent gotten it.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Joey: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Yknow? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. Its all about turnover.
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
Rachel: Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
Rachel: So, what, youre just, youre just okay with being flaky?
Phoebe: Thats great. Good for you guys.
Phoebe: Who said you were?
Monica and Rachel: You did!
Joey: Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.
Gunther: Okay, Ill see you in an hour.
Joey: No, no, I didnt mean you. But, you believed me, huh?
Patron: I believed you were saving this seat for someone.
Joey: So, youd hire me, right?
Joey: Yeah, its for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. Its a very important issue in this months Playboy. Im sure you all read about it.
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Chandler: Because youre the only one that can be fair.
Monica: I cant be fair. Youre my boyfriend.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Monica: Okay, Chandler, you go first.
Monica: Do you want me to pick you?!
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Monica: Hi, Chandler. There you are.
Monica: Hey, its Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why dont you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
Monica: Ahhh! You are on my list.
Chandler: Im sorry. Youre not easy-going, but youre passionate, and thats good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that Im pretty good about making you feel better about that. And thats good too. So, they can say that youre high maintenance, but its okay, because I like maintaining you.
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, its okay that you dont want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Yknow, suddenly I find you very attractive.
Rachel: How-how did you lose your job here?
Rachel: He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when youve been working here two days? Thats not, thats not right.
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
Rachel: Thats right, he can have his job back. Im glad we got that all straightened out. There you go, Joey, you got your job back.
Phoebe: (returning from the bathroom) Rach, youre in my seat.
Phoebe: Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend.
Monica: I pick you, Phoebe.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Definitely you, Pheebs.
Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
PHOEBE: You know what, that's it, that's it. [She rips off the mits, Ryan follows her lead.]
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
Young Ethan: Well, you never told me how old you were.
Joey: Oh! Maybe they'll name yours after you! Y'know, they'll call it, The Ross. And then people would be like, "Awww, he's got a Ross."
Rachel: Well yeah, but I mean, it was good scared though, you know? Like when I-moved-to-New-York scared. Or uhm, when I-found-out-I-was-gonna-have-Emma scared... But this is... fine. This is gonna be good. (they both stare around)
Chandler: Thats not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Joey: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew! (runs after the waiter)
PHOEBE: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes theres just a word that someone has to say that youll get hung up on. And itll justthe way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
Ross: So then if-ifI mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.
Ross: Th-th-that's all it is, a third nipple. Y'know? Just your run-of-the-mill third nipple. Y'know? You can take it off. Just slice that baby right off!
PHOEBE: Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh, now.
Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (Hes about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachels room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) Thats so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar (Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) wouldnt be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his (Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.)
Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Rachel: Wo-women? You mean like old women?
Joey: You don't wanna see what I just saw! (at this moment Monica comes home, and sees Chandler flat on his back on the floor and Joey pinning him down)
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingys.
Emily: No. Thats not what Im saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
RACH: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it.
Joey: Well, youre timing couldnt be better. Shes not my girlfriend anymore.
Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?
Joey: NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we'll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
MONICA: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you.
Joey: What are you doing? I said seven! (Holds up six fingers.) (Realizes his mistake) Argh!!!
The Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
Joey: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?
Joey: You do attract some stinkers.
Charlie: I will if you will.
Ross: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.
RUSS: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Monica: (pulling Chandler away from the Maitre d') You need to give him money.
Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.
Lewis: Well why not you changed Neds grade!
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Im good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everythingare youare you perrr-perfect?!
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no, you can't have Chandler, no. No, no. She's my little genius. I got big hopes for her. She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor..
Hotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
Chandler: No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. (Picks up the phone and wipes it off) Phone's done ehh.
MONICA: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.
Guy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Bobby: Hi Dina. Good to see you.
Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why Im not drinking on this date tonight. "Umm, Im a recovering alcoholic. Im a Mormon," or "I got so hammered last night Im still a little drunk?"
Chandler: Arent you just a tinsy bit curious?
Chandler: Youre not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?
Joey: (he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!
Monica: Do you wanna go hunting?
Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.
Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 years old. I mean, you remember what its like to be eighteen years old?
Ross: Monica, Im cutting you off.
Joey: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldnt schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Dr. Green: Oh really? Thats how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Rachel: Thank you. (Mr. Thompson walks away and after hes left.) Okay, (writing her bid down) twenty dollars.
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Ross: Momentary lapse. Dont-dont you have any self-control?
Rachel: I mean, look-look today you escaped (Pause) (Not believing it) death, y'know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily?
Ross: (in an Australian accent) You complete me kitchen, matey!
Phoebe: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler if he can wait for like five minutes.
David: Yeah, well, being a failed scientist doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's uhm... one seventieth of a karat. And the clarity is uhm... is quite poor.
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Joey: Yeah? I just figured yknow, after living with you itd be an interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, yknow? Someone I can learn from, someone-someone whos different than me. And whats more different than me; a guy whos not 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.) Not just a hat rack my friend!
Chandler: Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman thing? If you pick Ross, he'll walk you down the isle just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy!
Doug: Oh, my ex-wife didnt work, unless you call turning into her mother work. Fine. Tomorrow night then.
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
Joey: (to her) Youre a weird lady.
Conan: So that you will intentionally do something thattheyll-theyll intentionally screw it up?
Rachel: Really nice to meet you... and we'll call you.
Monica: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
Phoebe: Im sorry, for the last time, why arent you two together again? (Silence from Ross.) No, I know. I know, because youre not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are.
Joey: (to a guy) Bijan for men? (to a guy) Bijan for men? (To a woman) Bijan for... (Sees it's a woman and stops.) (To Annabelle who walks up.) Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.
Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?
Joey: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.
Rachel: All right, I took them. But I figured it would be okay because you got a big ink stain on the crotch.
Dr. Long: Thats right. But if you dont want to know
Monica: Why dont you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think youre, yknow, that youre adjusting to life in America.
Chandler: Its a hand. Its a thing you use as a Jack and Coke holder.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Chandler: Okay, let me just jump in and ask, at what point did you think this was a successful marriage?
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didnt kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. Its, its, its just ah, a coincidence.
Chandler: Oh, beautiful? Really? Beautiful? You think this is beautiful? (picks up the remote and presses a button, and he immediately makes a face that just looks like hes going to throw up!)
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.