words in movies
Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]
Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
Monica: Whats with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the floor, which is covered in sand)
(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each other for a moment.)
Phoebe: All right, Im gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.
Monica: Hes totally flirting with you too.
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, thats right, thats right, it was you!
Rachel: All right! Ross, do you think its easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I dont know. Ross, I still cant forgive you for what you did, I cant, I just, but sometimes when Im with you I just, I feel so...
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
(She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and Shhhs it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Joey: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, youre doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.
Joey: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnies free tonight?
Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
[Scene: Days Of Our Lives set, Joey is doing a scene with a co-star as Rachel watches on a monitor.]
Joey: Well, I know what's the matter with me.
Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, whos-whos to say? Does that me we-we cant do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesnt it?
Phoebe: I think that uh, yours is a question with many answers.
Rachel: Hey Mon, what are you doing now? Wanna come see a movie with us?
Phoebe: I'm not going along with some lie you made Ross, No I'm just gonna be honest with him.
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! You don't have to fight over her anymore. (she goes out into the hallway and enters with an even more hideous painting/collage. One of those faceles mannequins heads wearing a blueish dress and orange gloves reaching out into the room. Around the head 3 small dolls are hovering.) Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis. (Rachel and Monica are gasping for air at the sight of this monstrous piece of art.)
Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, makes blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!
Monica: With a wok? (Chandlers holding a wok.) I thought you were going to read my boring book to put you asleep.
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
David: Damn it! I-I'm sorry. I-I don't mean that. I-I want you to be happy... But only with me. No, uhm... that's not fair. Uh, who cares, leave him!. Oh, I don't mean that. Yes I do... I'm sorry Uhm, I... I think I should probably uhm... go...
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monicas apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Ross: co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didnt handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club.
Phoebe: Ok, well that's bad. But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean.
Rachel: Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when theyre done with them they just send em back.
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
[Cut outside, Joey is catching up with Phoebe.]
Joey: How does it feel knowing youre never gonna be with another woman again huh? Knowing youre gonna have to wake up to the same face everyday until you finally have the sweet release of death.
PHOEBE: I know.� (sighs)�� So, what's going on with you and Ross?
Chandler: It was awful. To get out of going to dinner with Doug I told him that you and I split up. So then he took me to all these strip clubs and sleazy bars, and then when I wouldnt give him my wedding ring, he threw a soda can at a bird!
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?
Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if youre gonna be moving in with him I feel its my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? Hes a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm Oh-oh he always, he always ummOh, who am I kidding! Hes the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.)
Ross: Okay! Now, Im going to touch you. (He does so, very gingerly.) Ohh, thats soft. (He starts poking him and notices his salad spoons and starts to massage him with those.)
Chandler: Goin out, huh? Wow! Wow! (Does a little celebration dance) So things didnt work out with Kathy, huh? Bummer.
Rachel: Howhow did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)
Rachel: Uh, well, I think, I think he broke up with me.
Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler.
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
Joey: Okay. Okay. Umm Ooh! Oh-oh, I got something. Its this story I came up with, very romantic. I swear any woman that hears it; theyre like putty.
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Joey: Your thumb? Thats weird. (Makes a fist.) You sure youre punching right? Make a fist. (Ross just looks at him with his thumb in a cast.) Maybe later. Ross I feel terrible.
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Emily: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesnt wear a cup.
Dr. Green: (on phone) just because youre not in love with the guy you cant
(He goes out into the hall and re-enters with a bike exactly like the one Phoebe described earlier.)
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?
Ross: You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here (they kiss and hug)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Rachel: No. Shes going to live with us for eight weeks.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is getting ready for Chandlers arrival. He enters and finds the place lit with candles and dinner on the table.]
(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simply glad to be back with her sister.)
Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves!
Monica: (entering with something behind her back) Phoebe, cmere. I want to show you something in the bathroom.
Joey: So I ah, talked to Lauren, kinda told her how things were with us. Did you ah, did you talk to Marshall?
Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down!
CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
Rachel: She was just crawling around and she found him, so I just let her sleep with him. That's all right? Isn't it?
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
Phoebe: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.
Joey: Fresh squeezed orange juice, with pulp! Just the way you like it.
Phoebe: Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
Ross: What?! What is with everybody? Its Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!
Joey: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.
Teleplay by: Mark Kunerth Story by: Peter Tibbals Transcribed by: Cassie With Help From: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Close up of the flan on the table with birthday candles.]
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
Elizabeth: Ross, its going to be okay. Im not going down there to hook up with a bunch of guys. I really like you. I like how things are going between us.
Phoebe: Ohh, theyre having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasnt been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and youre sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Charlie: I guess. There was hum... (she breathes deeply) there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone (pause) else.
Ross: How was I supposed to know wed end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?
Pete: Well, if that were true, Id dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, dont you?
Joey: Oh (grinning, trying to hold in his impatience with her) okay.. (she takes her hand back)
Ross: (pause) Ross? I... I grew up on your block! We had Thanksgiving together last year... I had a baby with your sister!
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Rachel: No! Ross, no! It is not fine! Eh-eh-according to my plan I should already be with the guy I wanna marry!
Chandler: Ah, uh, I owe you a long overdue apology. I never should have broken up with you because you were overweight.
Phoebe: No! It�s my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. Uch, I get mad at him, but I think it�s a little to soon to show my true colors.
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
Ross: I can't believe this. I was just being a good guy. I treated you with respect and understanding.
Ross: No, she likes that. Yeah. Faking sleep doesnt work either, I cant tell you how many mornings I woke up with her...
Rachel: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you stay here with me for a little while?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you werent sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
Ross: No, because she hasnt come home yet. And she hasnt been home all night! Shes obviously staying with that other guy, and Im the stupid moron who spent the whole night outside her apartment!
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.]
Colleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.
Joey: What? No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move. I'm gonna make them stay here.
Monica: (Impatient with Rachel) Are you still here?
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.