words in movies
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
[Scene: Central Perk, the cast of Friends along with Conan OBrien are sitting and talking.]
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Jennifer: With Operation.
Conan: It was a little game. Yeah, with an electric buzzer.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One With George Stephanopoulos, Phoebe is showing Monica and Rachel that she brought Operation to their slumber party.]
Courtney: This particular time when he continued to fall or yknow, try not to fall, I was in the room with Matthew and Matthew was like, "Should I do it?"
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
[Cut to that same kitchen, only this is The One With The Proposal, Richard is telling Monica something.]
Conan: Now you guys work with animals a lot. You had to work early on with a monkey
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One Where The Monkey Gets Away, Rachel is watching a soap opera with Marcel.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
David: For me, I have a hard time with le Blanc in particular. When-whenI mean when
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Ross is eating breakfast with Joey and Monica. Joey is walking towards Ross.]
Joey: Okay, the next situation is for Rachel. The wedding is about to start you walk into the back room and you find Monica taking a nap with Ross. (Ross lies on the floor.) Ill be Monica. Go! (He jumps down and cuddles up with Ross.)
Conan: Well be right back with more Friends, less me.
Conan: You uh, youve worked withThey always say a performer should never work with pets or children.
David: The good thing about the young kids though, theyre completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an actor to respond with. But there was one story
Jennifer: Shes trying to intrigue us to hang out with her.
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Ross is living with Chandler and Joey. Joey and Ross have built a fort out of boxes, Chandler enters and they stand up slowly.]
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Sick Monica is trying to entice Chandler to have sex with her.]
Monica: Are you saying that you dont want to get with this?
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, its the one with the fake chocolate. Monica has baked some cookies and Phoebe is trying them.]
Joey: Oh yeah, and shes really nice too! She taught me about yknow, how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is cleaning the apartment for Monica and is frustrated with things not lining up.]
[Cut to Rosss second wedding reception, Joey has just told him the band is ready with Rachel looking on.]
[We close with a bunch of scenes where they screw up and make weird noises. It finishes with.]
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Chandler: You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!
[Scene: Rachel's office, her desk is covered with stuff Ross has sent her.]
Chandler: Oh yes, and thats what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Phoebe: No, Im really okay with this. Yknow why? Cause look at them, and I made that, so I know its gonna be like a million times harder to give up a baby but, oh my God, its gonna feel like a million times better, right? I wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.
Ross: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. Its been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.
Gavin: I thought it was ok when you slept with your old assistant Tag.
Doug: Whats going on Bing? Does uh, your wife have a problem with me or something?
Monica: Can you go any faster with that?
Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, hes sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
Chandler: I was in the car with Nancy all day.
Rachel: (laughs) I knew that! I knew that! I was just messin with you too!
Ross: (putting out the fire with a squeeze bottle of water) Okay, thats a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel is fixing Joey up with some new clothes.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.]
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.
[Scene: Rachels outer office, shes returning with two coffee cups in hand to find Tag sitting there.]
Rachel: Phoebe and I saw Chandler with a blonde woman today outside on the street and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Phoebe: I’m sorry, I can’t believe I set you up with such a MONSTER!
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Phoebe: Yeah! Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Rachel: There was nothing wrong with her! All right? She was perfectly lovely!
(The interviewer watches her leave with an Oh my goodness face.)
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
Chandler: All right, theres a nuclear holocaust, Im the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Charlie: Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... (pause) There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.
Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do?
Ross: Yeah, well maybe Phoebe will switch with me.
Ross: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...
Precious: Oh, why would he do this? I mean, what's wrong with me?
Rachel: (entering) Joey, what are you doing with the bag? You're audition is not until tomorrow.
Joey: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have sex with. (the girl leaves and Phoebe goes toward the couch) (to Phoebe) Hey!
Joey: All right! Ill try! But if I cant, you can stay with Chandler and I until you get settled.
(Joey enters with his dad)
Monica: Spend more time with the tie. That�ll make a baby.
Both: (screaming with excitement) Aah!
EDDIE: You had sex with her didn't you?
(He goes to the bathroom and after he leaves Rachel goes through his coat and grabs the keys along with a $20 bill. The woman from before watches her do this.)
Rachel: You promised you would break up with her!
Kathy: Clearly, Im having sex with him?
Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with your families tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses, wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.
Rachel: Howd it go with Pete?!
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Rachel: Oh, ah with who?
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
Mrs. Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair?
JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.
Ross: Well I I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! (The girls all laugh.) What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass! (The laugh harder.)
Ross: Did homo-erectus hunt with wooden tools?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
Monica: See? Thats what I mean. I mean that, thats great! But I wouldnt trade in what I have for that. I mean Im gonna be with Chandler for the rest of my life, and thats what makes me happy. (Chandler approaches.) Hey sweetie, come here! Come sit down. Hey Phoebe and I were just talking about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. It really is dont you think?
(Monica enters from their bedroom with a calendar.)
[Scene: Jasons apartment, Phoebe has gone to break up with Jason.]
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Joey: Yeah, she broke up with me.
Monica: Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be, you know, implicit.
Chandler: Oh yeah! With who?
Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.
Monica: Y'know when girls sleep with guys with weird things on their body, they tell their friends about it.
Phoebe: Potato, Potaato. (Shes pronounces potato with the both the short and long As.)
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
Rachel: I know isnt it? Its like Im right there with Joshua.
ROSS: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... [Rachel enters, carrying a tray]... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel.
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Ross: Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth (Talking into Chandler's ear.) Hornswoggle.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?
Chandler: Have you ever been with a woman?
Roy: I don't know... I can make my pecs dance... I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks... I can go to that special place inside me where I feel no shame.
Monica: No! Steady as a rock! Now, are you with me.
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Ross: Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is sitting on the couch with Katie.]
Joey: Uh, I think she's still asleep. Hey, hey, how did it go with you guys last night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.
Joey: (On the phone with Chandler) Double promise? Call me when you land.
Monica: So what if he wants to sleep with her? I mean, she's single and he's cute.
(Monica is looking on with a hurt expression on her face.)
Chandler: You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up. I mean bullets have left guns slower!
Joey: Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that!
Man with a bow tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. (sighs) I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... (sighs again and smiles at Ross blissfully).
Chandler: (in a deep voice) If I broke up with you, Id miss you.
Monica: Okay well, then well both do it today and hell just have to deal with it!
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
Monica: Hey, Rach, can you give me a hand with this box?
(And with that, an era ends as Chandler moves in with Monica as Rachel moves in with Phoebe. It tis a sad and happy time for Friends.)
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Chandler: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad?