words in movies
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: ...With MonkeyShine Beer. [MonkeyShine theme] MonkeyShine Beer, 'cause it's a jungle out there.]
[Ross enters with a suitcase]
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.
MONICA: Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He can not persue this.
ROSS: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]
PHOEBE: [singing] There'll be times when you get older when you'll want to sleep with people just to make them like you. . . But don't. Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody That's another thing that you don't wanna do.
JANITOR: Hmm, Lipson knows huh? Ahh, hello Mr. Opossum, enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night, taunting gravity with...
[Scene: Library. Ross show up with a MonkeyShine Beer poster.]
PHOEBE: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals. [singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo, Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo. Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up, And that's how we get hamburgers. Nooowww, chickens!
RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]
MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah, and I have a time share in the Pocanos with Flipper.
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
PHOEBE: OK. Um, how come I'm walking with you?
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
SUSIE: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that denim cap with all the little mirrors on it.
MONICA: Rachel if you, if you want to go out with him, you can. Sound like a big jerk to me but if that's what you want to do...
RACHEL: And then Jean-Claude took me to that place Crossroads and that's where we hung out with Drew Barrymore.
PHOEBE: I know. Oh, like you would drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme.
JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
ROSS: With mealworms.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are upset with each other. Phoebe is mediating.]
MONICA: Ya know, you had no right to go out with him.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his clothes]
MONICA: I can't believe this, just like 2 weeks ago I was watching Sudden Death, now I'm on a date with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Can you beat up that guy? [he nods] Can you beat up that guy?
VAN DAMME: 'Cause Rachel told me uh, you were dying to have a threesome with me and uh, Drew Barrymore. By the way, Drew has some groundrules and...
RACHEL: Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
CHANDLER: Oh, no no no, she took off with my clothes.
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
PHOEBE: I'm almost done with it, keep your panties on.
VAN DAMME: Are you sure, I can crush a walnut with my butt.
Ross: no, no, no there's nothing wrong with you I mean you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway.
Carol: (entering with Ben and Ross) Hey guys!
Joey: And what?! Did you sleep with her?!
Mrs. Geller: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... (Rachel enters with a huge nose)
Joey: Hey, Im not interested in her sweater! Its whats underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who Im going out with?
Rachel: Oh please, hell be with his real family, the twins and little miss new boobs.
Kim: Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You are sadly mistaken.
Rachel: Yeah. So yknow, I have all of these feelings and I dont know what to do about them, because I cant date like a normal person, which is fine because I dont need a relationship, I mean all I really want is one great night. Just sex, yknow? No strings attached, no relationship, just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what hes doing. For just one great night, I mean is that really so hard to find. (Looks at Joey.) So how was your day?
[Scene: A nightclub, Chandler is having dinner with Kathy and Joey.]
(Rachel arrives with a lot of clothes)
Rachel: Oh, its so easy for you I mean, youre not married, you get to have sex with who ever you want!
Ross: Did you just say "break up with Charlie"?
Rachel: You know what? I don't want to be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together. (Goes to unlock the door)
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked)
Rachel: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Ross is helping with the packing, Phoebe and Mike are also there.]
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
Joey: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Ross: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Rachel: No! No, I am not getting in a car with Ross, we will just have to live here!
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Monica: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
Rachel: (surprised) What? (with a nervous smile) Really?
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.] ROSS: Try the bottom one. [She opens the door and they kiss.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.] CLOSING CREDITS CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over. MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'. CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret. MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What? CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have. MNCA: Well, thanks. CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work. MNCA: Well, you know. CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed. MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on. MNCA: Well no, but um. CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all. MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? MNCA: Alright. CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here. MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
Chandler: Ha! I'm just messing with you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
MONICA: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency.
Ms. Geller: I understand, separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset, he took off all his clothes, tucked his ??? between his legs and cried out: �Mommy, I�m a girl, take me with you.�
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didnt come up with the answer.)
Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
Chandler: It is when you put it together with that one.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
(The rest of the gang arrives with their heads down in shame.)
Phoebe: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
Joey: God. Hes crazy! Why doesnt he want to be with Rachel?
(Monica covers her face with her hands)
Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.
Joey: Totally! I would love to spend New Years with you.
Chandler: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?
Ross: Because she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened with Gunther. That did not look like fun.
Monica: What?! You slept with Jason?
(She puts her hands over her breasts and indicates that the coworkers boob job resulted in one pointing up and one pointing down with her hands by pointing up with one hand and down with the other.)
Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.
Ross: Eh, cause I knew that if I told you, youd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on.
Ross: Yknow, its interesting! Most people think thats made with seawater, when in fact
Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Tell my son that I love him. (Emily returns with the water.) Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!
Chandler: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no Its okay, I mean Ilook Rach, I know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursdays thing, but we dont have to do that!
Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) Youre a little high maintenance.
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Phoebe: All right. I gotta go. I have break up with Vince.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled up.)
Rachel: You have a play date with a stripper?!
Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.
Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
Mrs. Green: Well then you really dont need me to live with you.
Phoebe: Im just saying that only a man completely secure with his masculinity could walk around in womens underwear! I dont think you could ever do that.
RACH: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
Joey: I still cant believe they took away my key. You trust me with yours.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is returning from a date with Cynthia.]
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Rachel: All right Monica, do you want to know why I was with Ross tonight?!
Mrs. Green: With another woman. Have you no control Ross?
Chandler: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
(With his index finger he shows her how old she is. Emma also points her finger and babbles...)
Phoebe: Yeah. Candys the mother, Cookies the daughter. The fathers also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?
Rachel: (as Ross enters with a present) But, but, Mona, I live here.
Donny: O-kay... Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! (Gene is clapping his hands looking very happy and so is Joey) And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani (Both of their smiles fade away instantly)
Monica: Okay, Ill rest. But yknow if Im going to bed, then youre coming with me.
Mona: Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs yes again!)
Rachel: ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?
Chandler: Well, she wasnt sleeping with him.
Monica: I guess. Why? Who's she with?
Joey: Oh, I-I think Im gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.
Rachel: (picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?
Phoebe: Goodie! Thanks. So, how is it living with Rachel again? I mean, apart from the great food.
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
The Casting Director: Oh and your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Phoebe: Me neither. I think I need to be with someone who wants what I want.
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
Ross: Oh my God! I-I see what this is! You are in love with Rachel!
Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door)
Laura: So you're not friends with him?