words in movies
Monica: Oh, and the people are so nice. There's this one guy, Geoffrey, he's the Maitre D., Chandler, you will love him. He is without a doubt, the funniest guy I have ever met. (Chandler, who was almost asleep again, sits up straight in bed in an instant and can't believe what he just heard.)
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Rachel: (indignant) What, the blonde with no bra?
Phoebe: (excited) No! It's a great time, come in...! WOW, hi... Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Are you back from Minsk?
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Monica: What are you gonna do?
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Monica: (Doesn't believe what she's hearing) Was your cabin pressurised?
Rachel: Sandy, that's exactly what it is...
Sandy: It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do. But I am straight. I-I'm engaged actually.
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
Rachel: Oooh... ***I really can't hear what she says*** come here.
Chandler: (Can't believe what he hears) Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.
Chandler: Ye.... (stops because he realises what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)
Phoebe: Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... (They kiss 2 on each cheek... and then they pause... David turns to the door) In New York... it's... (and then David grabs her by her neck and kisses her full on the lips... They kiss passionately and cannot seem to stop.)
Rachel: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Ross: This... this is exactly what I'm talking about. What kind of a guy makes... makes... delicate French cookies, huh? They're not even... butch, manly cookies with... with... you know with... with chunks. (takes a careful bite from the cookie)
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Rachel: Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)
Ross: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?
Monica: Yes... What is the end of that sentence?
Joey: So what? Being funny is Chandler's thing... You know, like Ross's thing is... (he can't come up with anything)
Chandler: What are you guys talking about?
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
Chandler: Did you tell her what we talked about? (Joey starts laughing hysterically, but then gets serious again...)
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Mike: Well... I'll... just show you what I'm gonna do about it... (he hits David's finger with his finger and they start to finger-fight using their fingers as swords saying all kinds of macho crap)
Mike: Hey, what are you kidding me?
Ross: Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.
Ross: No! Hey, you know what? I'm sorry. I would never force you... to hire someone you were this uncomfortable with...
Sandy: No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.
Sandy: What is it...? (Ross hesitates) Please...? (he tilts his head)
Ross: It was hard... I remember... I was in my bedroom... playing with my dinosaurs... playing and learning... and my father walks in and says... he says... "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you, why aren't you... why aren't you outside playing like a... like a real boy?
Joey/Wigglemunch: What kind?
Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats with the tackling?
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
>>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had sex on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place.
Ross: Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants.
Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, its not your fault.
Rachel: What? Wh-hey!
Monica: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean its not like their so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom.
Chandler: Yeah, Im putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then thats what were gonna do.
Bonnie: Y'know what, I should do it.
Chandler: No no no! Look, Carol, can I call you Carol? (Pause) Wh-why would I when your name is Elaine? Oh what a great picture of your son, strapping! (She glares at him.) Thats a picture of your daughter, isnt it, well shes lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw. Ill call you from Tulsa. (Exits.)
Mr. Zelner: Its kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I cant figure out what this is?
Chandler: Y'know what, I can handle it, handles my middle name. Actually its the ah, middle part of my first name.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Ross: Hey, what are you talking about? I'm fine!
Phoebe: Alright you guys, we cant turn on each other, Okay? Thats just what she wants.
Monica: Ohh! Did you do what I said? Did-did-did you tell her?
Phoebe: All right, Ive never been engaged and Ive never really been married, but I can only tell you what my mother told me. Whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship, do not communicate them to your husband.
Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
Joey: Well, what if they came in third in a modeling contest?
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Joey: (getting an idea) Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?
Chandler: What?! (Cookie punches him)
Monica: You know what probably happened? Someone musta stolen my credit card.
Joey: What? Ace is high! Jack, queen, king, ace!
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Rachel: No, wait. No there's gotta be something else that you can do. I mean, what skills do you have?
Monica: Huh. Whats doofus spelled backwards?
Ross: Hey! What do you guys think about this. "Ross: The Divorce-Force".
Ross: I know! I know. You know what? Im putting Ruth back on the table!
Ross: Okay. Okay. Yknow what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean Id-Id be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
Joey: (holding a plate of what looks like Rice Crispies Treats) I know, here-here!! (Hands her the plate.)
PHOEBE: So how's your date with your cyberchick going. Ooh, hey, what is all that (points at the computer screen).
(Gunther walks away, leaving Rachel with a `What just happened?' look on her face.)
Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)
Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
MRS. GREENE: Well, my goodness, what was that?
[Scene: Phoebe is in central-perk with Joey telling him what Ross said t her at the beginning.]
Rachel: Nooo! Its not okay! I cant believe you would want to after what he did to me!
PHOE: Although, you know what? You might want to consider wearing underwear next time. Yeah, cause when you sat down on your throne you could kind of see your... royal subject.
Rachel: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Chandler: Im so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You shouldve seen her. Writing, writing, writing!
Monica: (on phone) Hey listen umm, how would you like to get together? Say next Saturday? (Listens) Okay, how about Sunday? (Listens) Okay umm, the week after that? (Listens) The week after that? (Listens) Yknow what Greg? Yknow what? We are good, interesting, funny people with good questions and if you and your precious Jenny cant see that then (Listens) January 15th? (Chandler dances.) Well see you then! (Listens) Okay!
Chandler: I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasnt for fun.
Joey: He said that he wasnt gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what hes gonna do is have you evictedIll see you later.
JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].
Receptionist: Well, heres a schedule of whats coming up. (Hands it to him.)
Joey: What are you talkin about? I never left you! Youve always been my agent!
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, its been twelve years.
Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what, lets not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes!
Ross: (thinks about it for a few seconds) What did you do to my mom?
Monica: Thats what you say about porn.
Chandler: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice. (They look at each other, both embarassed)
Joey: Yeah! But that is not what they're looking for. (time's finished) OOOH!
MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?
Cop: I don't like looking foolish. Y'know what? Maybe uh, I don't arrest you today. Maybe I came by and you weren't here.
PHOEBE: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.
Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do?
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Phoebe: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! Thats it!! Thats everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! (They all cheer again.) And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. (Rachel and Monica look intrigued and as they all head into Central Perk, Rachel picks up the hippity-hop that Phoebe left behind.)
Rachel: Oh my you think Im a pushover. Well wait, watch this, you know what? Youre not invited to lunch. What do you think of that? I think thats pretty strong, thats what I think. Come on, Monica, lets go to lunch. (She leaves)
Monica: (entering, happily) All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Phoebe: What if I had taken that job at Merrill Lynch?
Chandler: Will you marry me? Will you marry me? (Makes like a gun with his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in all excited.) Whats going on little elves?
Rachel: Just a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, you've been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh.
Chandler: Oh. (Does a double take when he realizes what she just said.)
RACH: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Chandler: She was.... But y'know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
Ross: Hey-hey, since youre the fix-it lady, heres a pickle, what do you do when the bride says she doesnt want to have the wedding at all?
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..
Rachel: Well, this sounds like fun! Well, you know what? Actually? People are getting a little antsy waiting Emma to wake up from her nap, so would you mind performing them once now?
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
Ross: (He freaks out and starts jumping around brushing his sweater) WHAT? WHERE? WHERE?
Man: (to wife): Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel! Don't give me that deep freeze.
Joey: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good.
Rachel: And so bad. I dont even know what youre talking about because I didnt ask you to do anything!
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I justI didn't know what it was!
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... (Listens) Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! (slams phone down, then leans back and realizes what just happened) Whooooaaaa....
Phoebe: Oh, look what we almost left. (Picks up a coffee maker)
Rachel: Well, yeah, right, yknow what? Yeah, youre right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively) I mean, I mean like craaaazy! Yknow? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound yknow, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?
MONICA: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.
Rachel: Really! What is with that guy? I mean you'd forgive me if I fogged you.
Charlie: No, no, we ended up in great terms. I mean, if anything, I think this could help you. You know what? Why don't we all go out to dinner together, and I can introduce you.
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Rachel: you were 50 minutes late to the class, what did you crawl there?!
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
Helena: Chandler? What an unusual name! You mustve had terribly fascinating parents.
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Elizabeth are deciding what to do on their second date.]
Chandler: Couldnt sleep last night you know, then I started worrying about this big divisional meeting that I have later today, the more I worried about it the more I couldnt sleep. Yknow? I was like, if I fall asleep now Ill get six hours sleep, but if I fall asleep now Ill get five hours sleep. Not matter what I did I couldnt fall asleep.
Ross: (Back to Emma) Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Tim: Oh, Im so glad you called. I feel like its always me calling you. So, whats up? Is everything okay with Phoebe?
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Chandler: You know what? You know what? I think we're making too big a deal out of this. ok? So we pay our bills a little late this month and maybe next month we cut back on a few things. And maybe we start eating out of Joey's refrigerator for a change. You're chef... what can you make out of backing soda and beer?
Chandler: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing?