words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Chandler: What?
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job?
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Joey: Sure, what do you want to see?
Joey: What do you like better action or comedy?
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Rachel: Oh my God! What does that thing do?
Rachel: (jerks back from the tester) What?!
Monica: Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head.
Dr. Miller: 1 2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.
Rachel: (really excited) Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! (He took out that thing they use to look at people's retinas and looked at Rachel's when she was shaking his hand causing her to flinch and scream at him.)
Chandler: What?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!
Ross: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!
(Ross isn't sure what to do with that comment.)
Joey: (shocked) What?!
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Joey: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Monica: Chandler! What are you doing here?
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Rachel: Okay, then y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this!
Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?
Rachel: (as she's being dragged) What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it! (Monica drags her totally onto the floor and on her back.)
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Monica: What did you do to his sweater vests?
Phoebe: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.
Ross: What do you like better flora or fauna?
Joey: What?!
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
Rachel: What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God!
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: What?
Joey: Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I dont have that kind of money!
RACHEL: What?
GUNTHER: What?
Rachel: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.
Ross: Woha! Wait... What are we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
Joey: What the hell is in there?
Rachel: Uh-huh. No, I hear what youre saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? (Takes out his picture.) Look how pretty!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]
Rachel: Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight.
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.
Phoebe: I wouldn't say never, you know there's that guy (pause) well what about (pause) ok well there's gotta be someone.
Ross: Oh, I know. Yknow what, I never wouldve gotten this if it werent for you. No really, when Im with you Im-Im like this whole other guy, I love that guy! I mean, I love you too, a lot, but that guy! I-I love that guy!
Rachel: (entering from her room) Whoa what?
JOEY: Oh no, what happened?
Ross: Alright, you know what? You're right. I should at least tell her how I feel.
Chandler: Y'know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about.
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
Ross: Of course he is! What, do you think Id just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am?
Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.
Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.)
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Phoebe: (laughing and banging her spoon on the table) Knock, knock, knock, knock, hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that um, I was fascinated by what Boutros Boutros Gali said in the New York Times.
Ross: I don't know, but I.. Look, even if she shoots me down, at least I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened. Where - where is my coat?!
Ross: Really?! So what would you say Pheebs? Stuff like uh, "Keep your mitts off my grub?"
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Friend No. 1: My God, what were you thinking about?
PHOEBE: What?
Phoebe: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us?
Rachel: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind.
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
Rachel: Well, what are you going to wear?
Ross: What are you reading? The Kidnappers Guide to Manhattan Private Schools?
Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! Yknow youI couldnt concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember whats its like to be 19 and in love.
Chandler: What does yours say Pheebs?
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Rachel: Pheebs, I dont know what to say. I guess the flea market was just better last time.
MONICA: Yeah, thanks. You know what?
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
Joey: But what about back home, anything going on there? Anybody you like?
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Ooh! Yknow what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.
ROSS: Wha, uhh, what?
Joey: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?
RACHEL: What?!
Chandler: (sticking his head back in) What?
CHANDLER: What?
ALL: What?!
Ross: What? Come on Rach, tell me what youre thinking?
RACHEL: What.
Mrs. Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at.
Ross: (to Joey) So? What do you think? (Shows himself - Joey observes him with a strange look on his face.)
Rachel: Monica, yknow what? The only reason I did that was because your party was so boring!
MONICA: You'll do what?
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Monica: Didnt it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's menu)
Rachel: What?!
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Monica: What are you the memory woman?
Ross: What?
Rachel: Ross, you know what...
Ross: What?
Rachel: Well honey, what about you?
Ross: Guess what?
Rachel: What?
PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.
ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great moment to say that for the first time. [goes to get the cigarettes and glasses]
Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project?
Rachel: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas?
Rachel: Yknow what Tag, if we went down to the office you would see those contracts sitting on your desk.
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And Im happy for ya, but Im tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I dont know what to do anymore.
Monica: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?
Monica: Whats the matter?
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.
Phoebe: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm justI'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.
Joey: What?
Monica: What if they dont?
Chandler: What?
Ross: What can I do? One person wants to break-up, you break-up.
Joey: Let's see what else he'll do!
Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Rachel: OH MY GOD!!! (She holds her hands up in triumph and the gang all look at her.) Sorry, I was just imagining what itd be like to catch the money bouquet.
Monica: (to the guys) Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
Chandler: What are you doing?
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?
Rachel: What are you shushing?
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Joey: Oh my God I have to tell her! I havent even thought about what I will say. What should I say?
Paul: So Ross, what your problem?
Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs?
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
ROSS: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid. Whoa, whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th--Fun Bobby's jacket! Where is he, what. He, he's here, isn't he?
Ross: What?