words in movies
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Phoebe: Personal shopping? What is that? Like where you walk around with snooty rich people and tell them what to buy?
Monica: What are you doing?
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Chandler: All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?
Ross: Yknow what, I dont know how comfortable I am going to see how hot the sex is between some guy and your girlfriend.
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Rachel: Hi, Im Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Chandler: Im right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now theres no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Chandler: Well, that is what happened, and I dont even see you denying this!
Kathy: Ill tell you what, Chandler, why dont you call me when you grow up!
Phoebe: Ooh, what do I smell?
Phoebe: What? What?
Rachel: Why? Honey, what is the big deal?
All: What?!
Rachel: Chandler, what did she say?
Chandler: Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said! Then I went over to Beefsteak Julies
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
Joey: What the heck is that?
Ross: Hes right, what she did was unforgivable.
Chandler: Well y'know, what if she didnt actually sleep with the guy?
Joshua: What do you think?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Joey: Okay, for next time, what do you say?
Joey: Whats ready?
Phoebe: Oh did youwhat did youdid you work for two days straight?
Monica: Pretty much. (to Joey) So, what do you, what do you think of the floor?
Ross: What are you saying?
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
Chandler: What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'?
Rachel: Oh my God Ross! What in heavens name are you doing here?
JOEY: What a phony.
Chandler: Hey, what do I know? I wanted to get a bigger gorilla.
Joey: (realizes what he said) Street noise drowned any of that out? (Rachel moves madly towards him) No, all right, I see you later, okay... (Turns away embarrassed)
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Rachel: (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Frank Sr.: Y'know what, I gotta go. And thank you so much for coming. (Hands back his glasses and hurries out.)
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old human teeth.
Joey: What a tool!
Monica: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Dina: What are you going to do? Kill him? Like you did with Charles?!
JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute ago] Ooooooh.
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh thats right thats right. Thats Richards favorite place too.
Paul: What?! I cant believe youre trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me!
Mona: Hey, I went by the photo shop, take a look, here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! Itll give us great practice for when(realizes what shes about to say and changes)people with babies come to visit.
Rachel: Ugh! Look you guys, I'm really excited about this! Okay? I don't care what you think! I'm gonna go set up a little litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. (They both glare at her.) Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?!
Ross: (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not?
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Monica: Okay fine! Fine! Then you know what, Ill just write about Phyllis! Hmm!
Tag: It's weird. I always used to assume, that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy and all that was just a given. But lately it's like what if it's not. Do you ever have that feeling?
Monica: No kidding, out of towners huh? What did you tell em?
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my "plan-laugh." (A maniacal laugh follows.)
Ross: Yeah, shes got to go back to London. But you know what? Ive been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and thats it. Yknow.
Chandler: Oh, that's ok.I'll just try and reschedule. (on the phone) "Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there and I need to change it (pause) Oh, what do you mean it's not refundable? Can I just come some other time? (pause) Oh, can't you make an exception?"
MNCA: Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate?
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I cant believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Ross: (mumbling) She doesn't know what to say!
Phoebe: Now what is Fabutec?
Phoebe: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Phoebe: And do you know what girls are really good at?
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.
Joey: Hey, this girl won't turn around and I can't tell whether she's hot or not, what do you think?
Rachel: Well, heres another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?
Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what youre doing. Just raising her all alone.
Monica: (she tastes what she has cooked) I don't get older. I just get better!
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
Ross: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?
Chandler: Oh yeah, that�s what she says. But maybe you�re not ovulating at all, maybe it�s just a clever ruse to get me into bed.
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldnt let it go, and... I dont really know what happened with that either.
Ross: Thats right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)
Chandler (to Joey): At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport?
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
RACHEL: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh. Ok go get the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. [dog ignores the sandwich] Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say?
Joey: Oh, all right, I'll just have what she's having instead.
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, lets give em what they came for!
The Salesman: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Joey: So you see, Molly, what people don't understand is that acting is a discipline. It takes a lot of hard work.
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
Monica: What are you talking about? She just invited him to the biggest party of the millennium!
Elizabeth: Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted to tell you that Im going to Florida for a couple weeks.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still deciding what to do about the hooker.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh and I know, but this isnt what it looks like, cause Rick is my ahh, husband.
Chandler: Yknow what? I cant believe this! Do you know what you did? My girlfriend is out there thinking things over! You made my girlfriend think!!
Ross: What? No! No! I am not gonna hide it from PhoebeOoh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets! (Gets them.)
Joey: I knew I shouldnt have mentioned it! Thats what I wanted to name my kid!
Monica: What are you serious? You wanna marry him? Wha... What about Mike?
Monica: Alright, what was this sentence originally? (shows the sentence to Joey)
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
Ross: (answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. (Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not knowing what's going on.)
Phoebe: Wow! What an incredible violationand wonderful surprise.
Chandler: (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh my God. What is th its like a guy never lived in here. Look, youve got to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) Its spreading already.
Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? (Pause) (Realizes) Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?
Chandler: Its a funny story, actually. (coughs) I kind of fell asleep in the meeting this morning so when I said Id move to Tulsa, I didnt really know what I was saying.
Monica: And say what? "You owe me a goodbye", I mean, he's got more pride than that.
Monica: Its gotta be one of a kind. Yknow like umm, yknow uh, whats that God awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter?
The Interviewer: Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off. What happened there?
Ross: Uh actually, there-there was also that exchange student from Thailand but I-I dont think he-he knew what it was.
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. What do you think, bossy and domineering?!
RACHEL: Agh, what a jerk. I kept talking about you and he kept asking me out. I mean, naturally, you know, I said no.
Phoebe: That woman at the game didn't know what she was talking about. Mike, obviously you have balls.
RICHARD: What? Alright, what about my two?
Monica: Okay! Oh God, yknow what? Its really bad.
Chandler: Yeah, I know what youre thinkin! Yes, yes, your breasts are just as firm and juicy.
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it again. The waiter leaves.) Yknow what Pheebs?
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, shes to political, she probably wouldnt let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.
Kate: Happy?! Is that what Im supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Rachel: Yeah. So yknow, I have all of these feelings and I dont know what to do about them, because I cant date like a normal person, which is fine because I dont need a relationship, I mean all I really want is one great night. Just sex, yknow? No strings attached, no relationship, just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what hes doing. For just one great night, I mean is that really so hard to find. (Looks at Joey.) So how was your day?
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
MONICA: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
RACHEL: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna be closed. Why don't we just do it another night?