words in movies
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Ursula: Right, why do you keep saying that?
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
Eric: (entering) Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
Ursula: Well they could be true.
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Ursula: Hey!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Ursula: (yelling from downstairs) Eric!! Lets go!!
Ursula: (sarcastic) Right! Okay. (Hands Phoebe her births certificate.)
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Ursula: Who is it?
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?
Ursula: Umm, yeahno thanks.
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
Ursula: No Im not.
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Ursula: Oh, its you.
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Okay.
Ursula: Right, okay, then no.
Ursula: Yeah, were not thirty, were 31.
Ursula: Yeah.
Ursula: Yes.
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Eric: Ursula?
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, Im getting married next week.
Ursula: Hurry up I gotta pray!!
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so thats why youre (Motions to what shes wearing.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
Ursula: Yknow, wed really better get going.
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
Ursula: Yeah, no were not thirty. Were 31. Okay. (She closes the door.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
Phoebe: Peace Corps, really? (Ursula motions, "I dont know.")
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
Phoebe: Ursulas fianc�e?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Phoebe: Hello handsome. (Sees Ursula over her shoulder) Oh God. (Walks away in shame as they kiss.) Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet?
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods Yes.) Well, do you still have it?
Eric: No-no its not! I dont want to lose you! Its-its like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was youYeah it is too weird.
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!