words in movies
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Ursula: Right, why do you keep saying that?
Ursula: Yeah, no were not thirty. Were 31. Okay. (She closes the door.)
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Ursula: Oh, its you.
Ursula: Yeah, were not thirty, were 31.
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Right! Okay. (Hands Phoebe her births certificate.)
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Ursula: Yeah.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Okay.
Ursula: Yes.
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Ursula: Right, okay, then no.
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, its me! Phoebe!
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
Eric: Not really. You youre blurry, but you still look like Ursula. Youre Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe If I-if I just dont look at you for a while. (Stands up and turns his back to her.) See? It it works. Im not, Im not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Ursula: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.
Ursula: Well, then who's been dead for five years?
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
Ursula: Yeah. It wasnt a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. (To Eric) Shall we get me really drunk?
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Ursula: Yeah, its a fine line huh?
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Ursula: Oh!
Ursula: Uh-huh.
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Ursula: Right.
Ursula: Who?
Ursula: He is? Why?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Ursula: You have not changed!
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Eric: (entering) Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
Ursula: Well they could be true.
Ursula: Hey!
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: (yelling from downstairs) Eric!! Lets go!!
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Ursula: Umm, yeahno thanks.
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Ursula: Who is it?
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Ursula: No Im not.
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, Im getting married next week.
Ursula: Hey!
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Eric: Ursula?
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so thats why youre (Motions to what shes wearing.)
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
Ursula: Yknow, wed really better get going.
Ursula: Hurry up I gotta pray!!
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.