words in movies
Rachel: Oh, its a tattoo! Thats weird, Phoebe doesnt Wait thats Ursula! Thats not Phoebe that is Ursula!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: Who is it?
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: No Im not.
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Ursula: Yknow, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
Ursula: Yeah, I can talk them into giving you like, 30 dollars.
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
Ursula: Right, okay, then no.
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Okay.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Ursula: Oh, its you.
Ursula: Yeah, were not thirty, were 31.
Ursula: Yeah.
Ursula: Yes.
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so thats why youre (Motions to what shes wearing.)
Eric: Ursula?
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, Im getting married next week.
Ursula: Hey!
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Ursula: Yknow, wed really better get going.
Ursula: Hurry up I gotta pray!!
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
Ursula: Yeah, no were not thirty. Were 31. Okay. (She closes the door.)
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Phoebe: Peace Corps, really? (Ursula motions, "I dont know.")
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Phoebe: Hello handsome. (Sees Ursula over her shoulder) Oh God. (Walks away in shame as they kiss.) Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Phoebe: Ursulas fianc�e?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
Phoebe: There-there was a suicide note?! (Ursula nods Yes.) Well, do you still have it?
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
Eric: No-no its not! I dont want to lose you! Its-its like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love to her and I thought she was youYeah it is too weird.
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Phoebe: No Im having fun. Im reallyAnd Im really-really excited for you and Ursula.
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, its me! Phoebe!
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Eric: Not really. You youre blurry, but you still look like Ursula. Youre Blursula. Okay wait. Maybe If I-if I just dont look at you for a while. (Stands up and turns his back to her.) See? It it works. Im not, Im not angry at all anymore! This is a great date!
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursulas purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. YeahNot a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, heres the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, heres her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Ursula: Well, then who's been dead for five years?
Ursula: All right, hang on! (She takes the note, goes back into her apartment and slams the door shut.)
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Ursula: (disgusted) Hang on. (She goes into her apartment and slams the door in Phoebes face.)
Ursula: Yeah. It wasnt a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. (To Eric) Shall we get me really drunk?
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.
Ursula: Yeah, its a fine line huh?
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Ursula: Oh!
Ursula: Uh-huh.
Ursula: You have not changed!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Ursula: Right.
Ursula: Who?
Ursula: He is? Why?
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Ursula: Right, why do you keep saying that?
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?