words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
Monica: (entering) Oh good youre all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four oclock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school?
Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I havent thought about him in a long time (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Wills, Wills here on business and he didnt have a place to go so I invited him here.
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
Monica: All right! Okay, its just Phoebe. Wills still on a diet, Chandler doesnt eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachels having her aversion to poultry.
Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Monica: Anyway, it just doesnt seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? Its a lot of work.
Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But justtheres gonna be a ton left over.
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Phoebe: Anything I can do to help?
Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but hes really into the game so I dont want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.)
Monica: Im gonna go across the hall to check on the yams.
Phoebe: Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me. (Monica exits.) (To Chandler) So hows the game?
Chandler: Yeah! Im just pretending to watch the game so I dont have to help out with stuff.
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
Phoebe: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I dont think I can help you after all, I didnt realize this game was on.
Phoebe: Well its only like my favorite bay! {Actually, its not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. J }
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Monica: (to Will) Wanna give me a hand?
Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming.
Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, Im in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no!
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Yknow, its been a while since weve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, youve got almost an entire turkey to eat.
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Will: I actually know what youre talking about. Im here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void.
Joey: (To Monica) Who the hell is this guy?
Monica: (to Will) Joey.
Will: Its good to see you man.
Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to?
Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, hes Look at the way hes just staring at me. I think hes trying to mouth something to me, but I cant make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.")
(They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.)
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Joey: (To Rachel) Its like me when I was born.
Joey: (To Monica) Seriously, who is this guy?
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Monica: Okay. (Chandler grabs the dish from Monica and hands it to Will who starts dishing out a large helping.)
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Ross: No need to point, she knows who Ross is.
Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club?
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Will: Thats right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldnt go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.)
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
[Time Lapse, dinner has ended for everyone except Joey who looks like to have finished the turkey, until he turns the plate around and reveals he only ate one side.]
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, youre such a good person." Not girl! Person!
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!!
Will: Mrs. Altman? She also made out with Takaka Ci-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand.
Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Phoebe: Im sorry. Im sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didnt go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Monica: All right, listen youre just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll!
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Why dont you call him?! Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Colleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Monica: No! No, she doesnt. Uh Phoebe, what she makesthats uhtheyre sock rabbits. They are completely differentOkay! Okay! Okay! I didnt make it! Im sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that were supposed to make the presents!
Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Rachel: Okay. (pause).(acting) Hello Drake, I'm surprised to see you here.
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Rachel: (to Monica) Allll done!
ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think Im ready to dance with girls.
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldnt tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
Joey: Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands)
Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)
Ross: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
Rachel: No! Downstairs! And we got to talking yknow, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.
Rachel: Nooo! Nooooo! You lent me Monica's earrings?! I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!
Ross: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her?
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I dont want to go. Im having fun.
Ross: Hey-hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly!
Rachel: I dont like sitting up here! Im just gonna over (She starts to get up.)
Joey: So uh listen, I think Im gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering phone)
Rachel: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]
Rachel: Because it took us months to find a good nanny and I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.
Rachel: I dont. But I would still like to be acknowledged. What? Just because Im pregnant you think Im invisible.
CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
Cliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]
Rachel: Ohhhh!! (Mindy starts to sob.) ...What? What?
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?!
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Ross: So I told Carl, Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur. But of course this went in one ear and out.....
Rachel: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out...
[Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.]
(He looks to Chandler, who doesnt have a clue.)
Ross: (laughs) You dont-you dont want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Woman On Train: Oh, no. But its just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
MONICA: Could you guys please try to keep it down, we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.
Rachel: I - I have to get on the plane.
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
Monica: There's something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the girl-baby Erica.
MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.
Chandler: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?
Ross: Uh actually, we-weve narrowed it down to two names.
Joey: I don’t know. She’s got to be taking it hard, I was like her only client. Except for this guy who eats paper. And I’m guessing he eats more money than he makes. Look, I know she’s not a great agent, but she did stick with me for ten years. I’m gonna call her and hire her again.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Chandler: So where are you applying to?
Ross: (Back to Emma) Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while youre making out...
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right heres the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Ross: Hey! (she turns to him) Well...? (in expectation)
Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, (To Chandler) and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor?
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Joey: (To Ross) Were not peeking? (Follows him.)
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7, and Kate waves good bye.)
[The next one is from Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, Rachel is describing her desert to Joey and Ross.]
Ross: Hmm, yeah. (To a random boy in the waiting room) Come on Ross jr. It's time to go in.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)
Ross: Im not proving anything. Okay, Im done listening to you. If I hadnt let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never wouldve put my fist through the wall!
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!
Phoebe: Okay. Umm look, youre coming on a little strong. But Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to be together. So, why dont we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about yourself.