words in movies
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Chandler: Now, that's a lot harder than it sounds. You always forget at least one, or in some cases... fourteen (looks over to Monica).
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas. (Thats true in so many ways, trust me, Ive lived in one and been to the other.)
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
[Cut to the girls in the kitchen.]
Rachel: Well, I was going to, but then I figured, you know... you're food is so delicious and perfect, you can never have too many of those pumpkin things.
Phoebe: Regular Celery! (Starts to write that on her list) Oh, I already have that. (She gets up and heads for her room)
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Monica: (entering, to Joey and Rachel) Hey, did you guys know, that your oven doesn't work?
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Monica: Yes there is! He's black and white and shaggy and [Cut to Monicas apartment] he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.
Tag: I, uh, wanted to see if your offer to spend Thanksgiving with you is still good.
Rachel: Well, sure! Come in! (He enters) Well, what-what happened to your girlfriend?
Tag: Yeah, so she went back to Ohio.
Monica: (walks to Phoebe's door) Phoebe! Phoebe, open up!
Monica: Chandler, if that dog's been here that long, and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog?
Chandler: Well, it still has to go, right?
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.
Chandler: (to Tag) Okay, you are new!
Ross: (to Phoebe) It hurts my teeth.
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
Phoebe: All right. We're gonna take Clunkers to Rosss. We'll be back in a minute. (Gets up with Monica to do so.)
Rachel: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Monica: Really? I'd say 3 to 4.
Joey: Half hour. (Rachel turns to look at him and he nods yes.)
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
[Cut to the balcony, Tag is looking down while Rachel enters.]
Tag: It's weird. I always used to assume, that I would meet someone and fall in love and be happy and all that was just a given. But lately it's like what if it's not. Do you ever have that feeling?
Rachel: No Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it it has to work out.
Rachel: Because, uhit has to.
Tag: Hey, thanks for talking to me.
Rachel: No? (He shakes his head) All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.
Tag: Wow. (He starts to walk towards the railing.)
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Tag: (looking at the street) Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car! (He points down to the street)
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Phoebe sitting on the floor next to Clunkers basket.]
Monica: Oh my god! Did you hear that? She said Monica! (She goes back to Clunkers again) Oooh, I can't leave her!
Phoebe: (interrupts him) No, no, we don't really have time for this right now. Okay, we have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.
Ross: No. No, no. She doesn't want to see you right now.
Joey: (sits down next to Ross) First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
Rachel: Yeah, ohh! Why, damnit, why did I open my mouth? (In a girlish voice) I have a crush on you; I am attracted to you. (Back to normal again) Gee, I-I know that I freaked him out
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Phoebe: Oh no, the dog's not going to be there!
Phoebe: (interrupts her, to Monica) Shh, wait and see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Chandler: (to Clunkers) It is so good to see you!
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
Ross: Okay, maybe this is so hard, because there aren't 50 states. Let me tell you something, I have 49 states, and there are no more! I-I think, I should be able to eat something.
Chandler: It's up to you.
Tag: I'm okay. I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots.
Ross: Tag? Y-You're going? (Comes over to Tag) Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?
Ross: Ah, what good are you. (Walks back to his map dejectedly.)
Rachel: Ah, I-I never should have said what I said. Ityknow what? It just doesn't matter how I feel. I mean we work together, so nothing could really ever happen between us, and what I would love is just to go to work on Monday, and-and never talk about this again, okay? Big day Monday lots to do. So, we're okay?
Rachel: Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday.
Ross: Delaware! (Starting to cry.) Delaware!
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
Tag: Okay I understand. (Sits down.) I wouldnt want to be proved wrong either.
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
Rachel: (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
(Joey's eyes are twice their size now, and looks nervously from Rachel to Gladys and back.)
(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)
Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Monica: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. (Ross starts to leave) Ross! Ross! Im kidding!
(Both Phoebe and him are singing along and they get to the chorus.)
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude]
Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Nurse: Hey! Are you ready to try nursing again?
Phoebe: (sees Rachel's face) What? Did you go to a costume party? Let me guess umm Pancho Vila? (Points at Rachel) and you're Bob Saget. (An old lady has sat down at the slot machine Phoebe was just at.)
Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!
Phoebe: You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?
Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)
Joey: Hey-hey, youre startin to sound like the butchers wife there in-in chapter seven.
Ross: What kind of job is that for a man? A nanny? I-It's like if a woman wanted to be...
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: Phoebe? (She turns her head further away.) I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. (Moves over next to her.) You gotta come with me!
Ross: Youre weird today. (He turns to Rachel and Joey puts the ring back.) (To Rachel) Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something.
Rachel: Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you dont have those babies until I get back. (Kisses her stomach.)
Rachel: I did but she doesnt think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren.
Phoebe: Well, just you know, for argument's sake, you know, hypothetically. Which one would you be willing to give up?
Ross: Wha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like hes going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
[Scene: A hospital, Phoebe is recovering from her heart attack as Ross, Monica, and Chandler are there to comfort and support her.]
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Rachel: You didnt propose to me. Joey did.
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Joey: I don't know, but one of the extras sure did! (pause) Hey, listen Rach. Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes!
Rachel: Oh, Monica, you think Skippy liked you? Honey, all those buys had a bet to see if he can knock you over.
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Ross is eating breakfast with Joey and Monica. Joey is walking towards Ross.]
Nina: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Wont happen again. I wouldnt want to do anything to hurt your... "wenus."
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Oh, hey, dont you have to go pick up Emily?
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and dont come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my (Rachel knocks the plate from his hand and it falls on the floor. That process leaves just the forkful Chandler has, Rachel starts to go after that little bit and Chandler retreats into his apartment.)
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Chandler: Janices birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.)
Rachel: God. I forgot how much I love driving. I have got to get my license renewed.
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Ross: which brings us back, of course, to Greelys theory of dominance. (The bell rings.) Okay, that-thats all for today. Oh, uh does anyone know where the Freeman building is?
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, Ill show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didnt see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, Ill slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
Joey: All right Ross youre in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
The Security Guard: Come on, lady! (Starts to escort her out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a mound of wedding gifts.]
Joey: Sure. So how long you been... (Goes back to chopping)
Phoebe: (after he's gone) I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!
Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
Chandler: Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
(They all try and shake hands at once. They end up criss-crossing theyre arms to shake each others hand, and Ross says )
The Director: All right, its time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and Kate just look at each other.)
Mr Zelner: But I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do... Ah, it's not true, there is... nothing I want to do.
Malcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun.
Supervisor: So, I think youre ready to sell toner, do you have any last questions?
Joey: (to Charlie) Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... (aside to Rachel)... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
Ross: So, why is Erica coming to visit?
Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? Its Rachels tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
Don: And youre still married to him? (They both laugh, and Chandler tries to but fails.)
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Joey: I know Im having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
RACHEL: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her.
Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and
Rachel: Okay. Oh, yeah... (whispering to mr Zellner) Oh he's cute!
Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the wall and they begin to kiss.)
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Why dont you call him?! Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Colleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Monica: No! No, she doesnt. Uh Phoebe, what she makesthats uhtheyre sock rabbits. They are completely differentOkay! Okay! Okay! I didnt make it! Im sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that were supposed to make the presents!
Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Rachel: Okay. (pause).(acting) Hello Drake, I'm surprised to see you here.
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Rachel: (to Monica) Allll done!