words in movies
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Phoebe: Yeah thats great! Next to that, Chandler wont look so stupid.
Ross: (To Chandler) Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh
Chandler: And those guys were this (Doing the standard "This Close" gesture) close to lettin us play this time too.
Rachel: Hey look-look, Phoebes talking to uh, Cute Coffeehouse Guy.
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Rachel: Oh, I gotta get back to work.
Phoebe: You dont have to be back for a half-hour!
Ross: Soon hell be able to call you, that lady he knew who got fired.
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, shes returning from lunch to see Tag not doing his sit-ups.]
(He gets up to make the copies leaving Rachel alone with his stuff. She notices his sweater in his backpack and holds it up to her nose as Melissa, a coworker, walks up.)
Rachel: (startled) Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, whats up? Im just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Yknow, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. Whats up? (She has put on the backpack.)
Melissa: Oh, I was gonna talk to him about doing something tonight.
Rachel: Oh yeah. All right, back to work.
Rachel: Yeah Melissa, I dont want to be known as the uh, office bitch, but I will call your supervisor.
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are trying to take their engagement picture. Monica has a beautiful smile, while Chandler isnt.]
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Monica: Chandler, listen to me sweetie, I know you can do this. Okay? You have a beautiful smile.
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
Chandler: Okay. (Youll have to see it, I cant describe the face he makes, but it isnt good.)
Joey: Uhh, well Ive got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. (Removes his hand to reveal a huge sauce stain.) You got an extra one?
Joey: Huh, Rach I got to say its gonna take a lot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude.
Rachel: Im not asking you to go on a date with him!
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Joey: Okay. (He grabs a jelly donut, takes a bite, and guess what he spills all over himself. He tries to clean it up and smears it all over the shirt.)
[Scene: A Portrait Studio, Chandler and Monica are still trying to get the picture taken.]
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!
(Chandler turns to the camera and does The Face.)
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
Monica: Do you really want to pull at that thread?
Hums While He Pees: Hey uh, I dont mean to be presumptuous but I have these two tickets to the ballroom dancing finals tomorrow night if you want to go?
Phoebe: Okay, I know. Hold on. (She walks over to the couch.) Hey Ross?
Phoebe: Well okay but I have two tickets to the ballroom dance finals. (She holds up the tickets that Kyle gave her.)
Ross: Look, I dont think so Pheebs. (Pause) All right, Ill do it. But just because youre a friend. (Grabs the tickets and heads to divert Whitney.)
Ross: Its right there! (Points to her hand.)
Phoebe: All right, well I just wanted to say thank you though for diverting Kyles ex.
(Ross opens the door to reveal Whitney standing there.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Ross: (opens the door and to Whitney) Hi! Im sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Phoebe: (interrupting him) No listen to me! She is crazy!
Tag: Oh yeah! We went to the Knicks game.
Tag: Then we went to this bar and he hooked us up with all these women!
Tag: And I never used to be able to just talk to girls in bars, but I got like 20 phone numbers last night.
Tag: (To her, in the Joey voice) How you doin?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is teaching Chandler how to smile. Chandler is smiling.]
Joey: Okay, firstfirst of all, you want to make it look spontaneous. I look down (Looks down), look down, keep looking down; then I look up. (Looks up and smiles.) See? All right, now you try. Look down (Chandler looks down), youre looking down, keep looking down
Rachel: Yeah and you had fun teaching him how to be all Joey.
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Joey: Hey! No-no-no-no, you cant take him away from me! I got a great partner to pick up girls with! Finally!!
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
Chandler: Can you people not see me?! (He waves his arms around to get their attention.)
Rachel: (To Joey) So, will you talk to him?
Tag: Hey Joey, you wanted to talk to me?
Joey: Ten. Okay. Now Tag theres such a thing as to many women.
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Chandler: Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine.
Chandler: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!
Chandler: I dont know, but dont worry, dont worry, because I know how to take a picture now. (They get ready) Okay, see? Look down (Looks down), look down, look down (He falls asleep.)
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Ross: Well, excuse her for knowing what she wants to do with her life!
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
Ross: So do we!! So do we!! (Ross notices a couple has been staring at them.) Im sorry you had to see that.
Rachel: Id love to!
Rachel: (panics, turns around, picks up the phone, and pretend to talk on it) Hello?! (Listens) Oh, yeah! (To Tag) This is gonna be a while. Excuse me. (Tag leaves and she closes the door behind him, disgustedly.) Yeah!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there again, only now theyre not talking to each other. Phoebe is loudly stirring her coffee.]
Ross: Well maybe she wouldnt have to be selfish in bed if someone else knew where everything was!
Whitney: We kinda need to talk.
Whitney: Well, I went over to Kyles last night to pick up a few things and we got to reminiscing
Ross: (To Whitney) Yknow, he hums when he pees!
Whitney: Were so sorry. (They get up to leave.)
Ross: (To Phoebe) Im sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Yknow, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.
Phoebe: Oh. Yknow, he hums while he does other stuff to.
Monica: Okay. (She opens it up and shows it to them.)
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
Joey: Yknow, we dont have to imagine.
Monica: And she wants to go hunting, too!!
Fun Bobby: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Joey: Say that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)
Ross: Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm,. why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?
Joey: (To Ross) I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Joey: R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! (Monica nods yes.) And-and Chandlers tellin ya how much he hates marriage?!
MONICA: Well for your information he happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, sexiest men I've ever been with.
(Sick Bastard sits down in a chair that enables him to look around the screen and stare at Rachel.)
Katie: Well, the delivery went out to you and I realized they forgot this. (A blanket.)
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Phoebe: Im sorry I wont be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but Im really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.
Phoebe: Of course not! And you're gonna love Mary Ellen. She's really smart and cute and funny, and I can't tell you how I know this, but she' not opposed to threesomes. So tell me some about my guy.
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
Ross: So do I. (Slowly walks in.) Okay Rach, before anything happens (He takes off his coat) I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. (Turns back to face her.) This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." (Rachel's confused) Okay? I just want this to be (Kicks off his left shoe) about what it is! (Kicks off the other one.)
Chandler: Well, I didnt do anything. I didnt want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Supervisor: (walking by and overhearing that) (to the rest of the staff) The new girls good.
Ross: No they dont!!! (He runs to the bedroom to check and returns with his box of condoms.) Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)
Joey: Right!(he starts to ape her)"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" (he inclines his head as if to look at a man's private parts)
JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.
(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)
Phoebe: Maybe you need to spice things up a little.
Mackenzie: This is what my mom was talking about. Whiners are wieners. (Joey glares at her angrily) Look, you want your friends to be happy, right?
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)
Ross: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!
RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.
Monica: Chandler is supposed to find out if he's getting an assistent job at his ad agency. But out of the 15 interns, they are only hiring three.
Chandler: Yes, yes, we did, thanks to Vidal Buffay.
Charlie: Actually, I'm kinda happy to be leaving... I just broke up with someeone.
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.
Joey: Ah, can I just say I know we're doing this for Ross, and that's cool, but if it was up to me, this is not what we'd be doing on our first date.
Joey: Hey come on now, this is a real date. Uh, so nice place you got here. Foosball, huh? Pizza box. Oh, a subscription to Playboy, my kind of woman.
Rachel: Okay, but Ross just listen to me
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.]
Chandler: Umm maam, do you have a minute? (She points for him to come in) I kind of have some bad news. I dont think I can move to Tulsa.
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Ross and Monica are at the door and about to leave.]
Phoebe: Okay. (singing) Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell. Thats all I have so far.
Chandler: All right buddy, time to roll over. (Rolls him over, and discovers a surprise) (Looking down) No-no! (Covers his eyes) No, no-n-n-n-no!! You are going to a clinic! Youre going to a clinic, and a pyjama store!
Monica: Im gonna hang this basket (Points to the one sitting on the table) on the door and when the neighbors walk by they can all take a piece.
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
[Time Lapse, the gang is now watching Law & Order. By the way, the entire rest of the episode takes place in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Something to think about.]
Mike: Ok, so it's a tie again, 41 to 41.
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Ross: What can I do, she doesnt listen to me about renters insurance either.
Ross: Ma, youre asking me to marry you?
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Charlie: No! There's nothing to explain. I heard you. Phoebe likes Joey.
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Monica: I know! Now look, theres only one problem though. Theres only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joeys.
Matt: I think I was supposed to say, "I dont know," and go over and open the door. And I went
Joey: Its the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, (To Chandler) and you?
Ross: Okay. Well, apparently Chandlers angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go.
Chandler: No, had it done to me though. Feels good !
Rachel: Ah, first, I-I would like to say thank you for agreeing to see me again.
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Ross: Okay, okay, well just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?
[cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.]
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandlers head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldnt sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
Ross: (thinks about it for a few seconds) What did you do to my mom?
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his knees.)
Gary: Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancingOh! Take her dancing!
Tall Guy: Hey, pal, you have about three seconds to get away from my partner.
Phoebe: I guess so, can I. can I think it's cool that you kiss me and also wanna kiss you again (they get closer to kiss and Phoebe pulls back) and umm, be a little concerned about the magic markers.
Ross: Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice. Although I was hoping to have sex tonight.
Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...
Joey: I may have to, I hate to do it, but Im the star! Yknow? Theres a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on her table shes set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.]
[Scene: The gate. Rachel walks up to the man at the gate and gives him her passport.]
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window. Chandlers boss opens the door.]
(Sarah, is grinning and starts to reach over to Joey's plate to take a few clams)
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to
Ross: Im telling you. Im telling you. Thats what it is. No wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding. She didnt say anything to you?
Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.)
Monica: (grabs a bag of those Styrofoam peanuts) Ill be coordinator! Oh my God! Im so sorry, I didnt get you anything! Okay, look everybody has to help! Okay? You can help, cant you Phoebe?
Rachel: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first dateoh, hes so gonna get the wrong idea.
Matt: And then sometimes during the show yknow but youre like, the scenes going one way but youre just tempted to say something another time. Like, do you remember that one where Monicas baking cookies in our old apartment?
Monica: Oh-my-god Rachel! (Rushing out to look over the edge) Rachel!
Ross: Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
(Rachel and Joey hug, and Rachel turns to enter the apartment through the side window again. At that moment Joey tries to climb over the edge of the balcony.)
Ross: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We have no time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dads cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
Chandler: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!