words in movies
(MACHINE--JOEY'S VOICE): Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.
JOEY: Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying "let's go here, let's go there". Like we can afford to go here and there.
PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross.
JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. (to Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney? (at Central Perk)
ROSS: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.
CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.
ROSS: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef--
ROSS: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister--
WAITER: Are we ready to order?
CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
RACHEL: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?
RACHEL: Ok, look you guys, I really don't want to get into this right now. I think it'll just make everyone uncomfortable.
ROSS: Wha--? Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative--there's gonna be a hoopla?
PHOEBE: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert.
CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!
ROSS: We're just tryin' to do a nice thing here.
RACHEL: Ross, you have to understand that your nice thing makes us feel this big.
RACHEL: What? Come on, you do what you want to do. Do we always have to do everything together?
CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
JADE: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
JADE: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
JADE: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?
MONICA: You know what? I'm not gonna be able to enjoy this.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
STEVE: You used to be my babysitter.
STEVE: Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run backstage.
RACHEL: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, how's his dad?
PHOEBE: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey?
PHOEBE: Oh! I can't believe it. I can't believe this. We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying and having fun, and you know, all, "hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck".
CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.
CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.
(Everyone goes over to comfort Monica)
JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall?
Rachel: (startled) Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, whats up? Im just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Yknow, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. Whats up? (She has put on the backpack.)
Rachel: So Pheebs, what are you going to do with your $3?
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job?
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.
Dedicated to the great work of Eric Aasen, Guineapig and many, many more
Joey: I want you.I need you.Let me make love to you.
Chandler: (getting up to investigate) Okay, everybody stay here. I will find out whats going on.
Ross: I'd love to!
Joey: Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second?
Joey: (sitting on the otherside of the counter from Chandler) Gimme a box a juice. Well, they switched me over to Hombre.
Phoebe: Of course I can! Its just good sense to backup your backup! Look, Ive already lost Chandler!
(They lean in to kiss and are interrupted by the phone.)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Tag: I feel great. (Rachel laughs) In fact! (Walks over to her desk, sweeps its contents onto the floor and Rachel just glares at him.) What?
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
MONICA: Rachel if you, if you want to go out with him, you can. Sound like a big jerk to me but if that's what you want to do...
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Joey: Great Great and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didnt want to make a big deal out of this, you know. (She starts to collect all the girlie stuff up.) You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to.
(Dr. Geller, the man with the Ph.D. in Paleontology, is trying to find a place to hide, but this supposedly intelligent man in the hands of clich�d scriptwriters runs around with his pants down around his ankles like one of the Three Stooges.)
[Scene: Elizabeths Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it. Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.]
Rachel: (softly) I really think you need to go now.
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
Receptionist: I don't know what to say.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Monica has all the supplies she needs and is getting ready to leave.]
Rachel: God, you have to tell me what happens tomorrow!
Monica: Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors and get settled into the hotel.
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.
Rachel: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you?
Ross: What? Of course I did! You uh, you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.
Salesman: Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants?
Kathy: You really didn't have to. (Opens the box) Wow.
Joey: Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah, y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight.
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But its actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said hes not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick Bastard are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.]
Ross: No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils.
Joey: If you ask me to stay, I�ll pee. (leaves)
GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder.
Monica: See, Ive been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people Im only planning on doing this once. So, uh yknow, maybe this is selfish and Im sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that.
RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]
[Cut to Phoebe in Rosss new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what theyre about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Monica: Ok, you have to stop playing now.
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. Im paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily gets up.) Im going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
Leslie: (singing) My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Dont care what people say. My feets best friends, pals to the end. With them Im one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I....
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Rachel: (To Joey) I cant believe that you yelled at my boss! Im-Im gonna lose my job! What am I going to do?!
(They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.)
MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?
Rachel: (starting to cry) Im-Im sorry, I just thought that
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, my neighbor... (Listens) Yeah, the brunette... (to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress.
Joey: Look, my agent hooked me up with six tickets to a great play.
Ross: What? How come that you don't have to go!
Joey: Hey! Who was up from 2 oclock this morning until 5 oclock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
Ross: (surprised) Oh... (he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers.
Ross: Hey, you guys won't believe what I have to do for work today.
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I cant do it, theyre all like-like laughing at me.
Chandler: If they cant find a home for her, they kill her! And Im not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, Ive-Ive been dating both of you, and its been really horrible. Cause y'know its been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didnt know how to chose, so... Im sorry, Im just, Im terrible, Im a terrible person. Im terrible.
Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.
RACHEL: Yeah, I love that story. Um, I got a question for you guys. Why do people keep is saying that is good to see me up and about?
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
Monica: And Nancy said that it's really under price, because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents!
Phoebe: Im just saying, get his number just in case. But no Chandler is in an accident and cant perform sexually and he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill.
Chandler: Well you see in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it.
Nurse: Would you like to see a semi-private room?
Monica: I don't know what else to say.
Rachel: You are not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today, and guess what happened?
Ross: (to Charlie) Oh, it's not over!
[Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.]
Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway yknow what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.)
Ross: I've lost the will to live.
Ross: Yeah, thats the one. Listen, I dont want to hurt her.
Supervisor: So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Don: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any?
Monica: (to Ross) So, did you two have fun?
Joey: Well do it all, and better! Look, after tonight, Gandolf will want to party with us, dude! Come on!
The Dry Cleaner: Yes, it was very offensive to my people!
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Charlie: I thought you came to say you were sick.
Monica: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?
Rachel: Nice to meet you.
Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?
Chandler: I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.
Phoebe: (shocked) Oh, well, it's a shame that you-that you miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see, you know, either "Liar, Liar" or "Betrayal", or... "An Affair To Remember".
Charlie: Me too. (she and Benjamin are hugging for very long and Ross starts pretending to clear his throat, until they stop)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch writing when Chandler enters to make his brief cameo.]
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Ross: What? (turns around to look at Rachel)
MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?
[Cut back to her room, Joey and Ross are sitting there waiting for her.]
Chandler: (To himself) oh yes, God yes!!
Ross: Nice to meet you.
Joey: (To Rachel) What have you got there?
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, its still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now its, and now its gone and I dont know why!