words in movies
Host: Welcome everybody, welcome to Amazing Discoveries!
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
(cut to later in the day)
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Ross: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes are very important to you.
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Monica: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you.
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next....(hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Janice: Oh, you didn't have to do this.
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.
Monica: She has to know that your not ready.
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler!
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Phoebe: Okay, so we got some more good rejections, lots of stuff to work on.
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave)
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Rachel: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented.
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Ross: There was no song. (to Monica) There was no song!
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Young Monica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
Chandler: Hes not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! Im supposed to do that!
Frank Sr.: Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. (Gets up to leave.) But umm Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please? (Hands her a note.)
Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!
Chandler: Dont try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
Mr. Geller: It is off. Right Ross? (pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache)
Rachel: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, (checks watch) y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-ifare you sure there's just not anything else?
Joey raises his hand: Uh.. who has to die for me to get her?
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
(Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.)
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
Phoebe: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a man!
Monica: Yeah, sure... uhm, I'm devastated, obviously... (to the rest) Did you think the neighborhood was homey? (Chandler enters)
Ross: Oh, nothin much. Just trying to figure out what Im gonna do for dinner.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's carrying the laundry hamper to their coffee table.]
Monica: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
Chandler: Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.
Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
MIKE: (nods) Things are about to get wild.
Ross: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.
Chandler: (to another couple) Uh, excuse me? Could you take a picture of us?
(Chandler starts to think about it...)
Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.
Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.
Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.)
Emily: Well I mean, youre American to start with. You dont even have rugby here.
Joanna: Well, this isnt how I was hoping how this would end, but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.
MONICA: You should go to the game.� It's okay.� I want you to.
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monicas door.]
Paul: (jumping up) Elizabeth! Oh look, Elizabeths here! Who are you talking to?
LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was a big guy.
(He tries to put it on her finger.)
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, Im ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
Rachel: What do you really want to do?
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Thank you.
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
(Emma starts to cry)
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Rachel: Thank you! (goes to get coffee)
Monica: Hey, they dont pay me a penny a word to make friends.
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
PHOEBE: I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him. [leaves]
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey is giving Chandler the bracelet from season 2.]
Mr. Treeger: Well Im gonna have to put on a new lock, theyll find out anyway.
[Scene: Coffee place, Molly holding Emma and talking to Joey]
Ross: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I mean I actuallyI-I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that.
Joey: This is so exciting for her. Well, Ill let you two fash ists get down to business. (Exits.)
Monica: Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!
Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.
Phoebe: To kill Bob??
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) Im training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
Ross: Soon hell be able to call you, that lady he knew who got fired.
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
Rachel: (worried and shocked) Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anythingminute. Okay. Fine. (To Tag) Abort the plan, abort the plan. (She start to usher Tag out.)
Gavin: Pleased to meet you.
Chandler: Look, you cant call somebody after this long just to say, In case you didnt notice, I dont like you!
Monica: Pleased to meet you. So you're coming to Rachel's party tonight?
Monica: You were just being so nice to him!
Phoebe: Okay, yeah well, good news, youre going to have three babies.
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Ross: We have to stop them before something happens!
Rachel: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Joey: I came over here to tell you guys.
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Joey: Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him.
Gavin: Yeah, hey. (comes in to the balcony)
Ross: I dont know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
Rachel: Well Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
Ross: So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.
Monica: Dad! Theres Ross (points), why dont you go talk to him?
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
David: Hey! Oh, I was just about to leave. I-I-I-I didnt think you were coming.
Ross: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.
Monica: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.
Helena: (disappointed) I see. Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. (To a bald guy.) So youre bald?
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
Ross: (to Rachel) So, hes just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesnt want anything in exchange for helping him?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Joey: Ahhh! I heard "I do", were halfway there! Okay! (To Bobby) You!
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Elizabeth: Yeah! Im just going down there to relax and hang out with my friends.
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Joey: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know youre not gonna be alone in this.
Ross: Don't you have to be at work?