words in movies
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Charlie: (talking to Ross) I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm... well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.
Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
Phoebe: I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!!
Monica: And she wants to go hunting, too!!
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)
Monica: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Chandler: We really need to take those tests?
Monica: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests.
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!
Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
Joey: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh!
Charlie: So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!
Joey: Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Rachel: (to the receptionist) Hi there!
Receptionist: (in an affected tone) Hello, welcome to Lavender Day Spa SPA. How may I help you?
Phoebe: Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? (She sees Rachel) Oh, no, no! Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?
Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work!
Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Ross: Get to the problem!
Joey: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
Ross: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.
Joey: Right, right, right, well, she wants to go to all this cultural places and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out!
Ross: You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship.
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Ross: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. You know what? She loves architecture, you know what you should do? You should take a walk down fifth to the Saint Patrick's Cathedral and there there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?
Joey: You got to tell me exactly what to do there.
Ross: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Chandler: (to Heaven) No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Monica: This was fun! But I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to! (leaves)
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Rachel: You know I... (lifts her head and tries to look in Phoebe's direction)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Ross in the living room, rehearsing what Joey will say to Charlie in the Museum]
Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Ross: Ok now, remember, when you get to the museum, Monet is not spelt M-O-N-A-Y. I just... I wrote that out phonetically for you.
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Joey: Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy".
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Ross: Ok! So let's move on to the Renaissance?
Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).
Joey: Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Chandler: (smiling again) oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?
Rachel: Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Ross: (perplexed for a moment) Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?
Charlie: No, we went to the left.
Charlie: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Ross: That was going to be my next argument.
Joey: (to Charlie) You're ready?
Charlie: Yeah, let's go. (stands up and kisses Joey) (to Ross) Thanks Ross.
Joey: (aside, to Ross) Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
(Phoebe walks to the door and half-opens it)
Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didnt have to walk me all the way back up here.
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
Phoebe: Im a lady Monica, I dont kiss and tell. But this hickey speaks for itself. (She starts to open up her blouse.)
Rachel: Oh Im sorry mummys so sorry go back to sleep go back to sleep. Shh. Shhh! Go back to sleep
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
Chandler: I never want to leave you again!
PHOEBE: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey?
CHANDLER: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee.
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
Monica: On three, 1 2 3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! Hes complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.
Monica: Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
Joey: Wait up! (They both run to the bathroom.)
Frank Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!
Ross: (to the second girl) That was very nice Ashley.
Rachel: Wait a minute, youre only giving free stuff away to the pretty girls?
Monica: And what if I was still fat? (To Chandler) Well, you wouldnt be dating me, thats for sure.
Monica: Score!! 7 to nothing!
Phoebe: Oh, my new Mom, who-whos a big, fat abandoner! (starts to go upstairs)
(Rachel opens the curtains and sees Charlie coming out from the dressing room just next to theirs)
Another Scientist: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.
Emily: I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen.
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that Im related to Monica. How is she?
Phoebe: What?! What do you mean youre going to London?
Chandler: Oh, dont worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
Chandler: Would you like me to write her a little poem as well?
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Rachel: (to the woman) Alimony. (Runs outside.)
(They start to kiss, then Rick stops suddenly.)
Elizabeth: Yeah, Ive been coming here since I was a kid. This used to be my Grandmas.
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.
Chandler: She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!
Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, Im not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it werent for us, cheap little man. (Emilys stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under her breath) You freak.
Mrs. Waltham: Lovely to meet you.
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Rachel: Whoa, that Diet Coke just went straight to my head! Woo!
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.
Chandler: Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board, then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Rosss! I went to the coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!
Ross: I-I had to show Chandler something?
Ross: Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, Id be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is next to the bay window again, Mark has left.]
Rachel: Bye. (She gets up to leave but is stopped by Joey)
Monica: Rachel, its going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.
[Scene: Outside Chandlers Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is tying a ribbon to a vase.]
Joey: (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Monica: He had to go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Phoebe: (Trying to get up.) Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!! Wait!! (Not able to get up.) God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!
Rachel: Oh, please!Honey, just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm...OH MY GOD!Is that Christian Sanders?He's so gorgeous!
Rachel: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.
Joey: Yeah! Well, I think well see if they actually let you play. Huh? I mean they tell you anything you want to hear like-like, "You look 19," and then they just take it away like-like, "No you dont."
Kathy: (going over to the box) Chandler?
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, heres a thought.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Yes were all in here and we would love for you to join us!
[cut back to Chandler and Joeys.]
Monica: Hello? (Listens) Oh yes, one minute please. (To Phoebe) Its for you. Its the fire inspector.
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Chandler: See? Now, thats why only the little fake men are supposed to do all the kicking.
Ross: Im getting married, to..day!!
Rachel: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if youre interested, just as a thank you for this week.
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
Ross: Exactly. So you didnt, didnt mention anything to Issac right?
Molly: No I'm here to take Emma to your mother's, remember?
Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?
Erica: Thank you. It's really nice to meet you guys, I can't believe I'm here!
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Rachel: No! No! Seriously, whats wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
Ross: No! No, no, no, no, okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that (point to the kid that kicked him) kids fault. Who is still laughing. Nice.
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Yknow, its been a while since weve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Monica: Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time.
Monica: Ok, so that's what we're doing. You know, when I'm in the coffee house bopping along to one of your songs, I'm wearing ear plugs.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You cant offer anything to us!
Monica: (entering with Rachel) Oh my God! Its true!! Oh my God you are so amazing! Oh my God, can I just ask you to do me oh, just one favor?
SUSIE: Alright, turn around. Time to see you from behind.
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Sister 1: (to Chandler) What cha doing?
MRS GREEN: I mean, this is no offense to your dad, sweetie, but I was thinking there might be more.
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
Message: (Phoebe's voice) "Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise" (they all turns to look at Phoebe) "I sh.. I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo."
Phoebe: Hey Ross! Doesnt Ben go to the Smithfield Day School?
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (He sits down next to her.)
JOEY: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
Alice: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, Rachel is entering carrying two glasses of wine. She gives one to Phoebe, keeps one, and completely ignores Monica.]
Kathy: I'm sorry, it's just this Ernie Cofax thing on in a few minutes I wanted to watch.
Ross: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that?
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?
[Scene: the 5th Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]
Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.
(They grab the luggage and drag it into Joey and Rachels forcing Monica and Chandler to follow.)
Michelle: No, actually, see I had to pee, �cause I can�t use public bathrooms because the doodie parasites.
Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
Phoebe: Oh God, Im so glad you guys are happy, I was so afraid you were going to be all freaked.