words in movies
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! You know... and I... want him to hook up with lots of women! (pause) I just... All I'm saying is... I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...
Chandler: (to Joey) So, a professor, uh?
Charlie: (talking to Ross) I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm... well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.
Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
Phoebe: I bought them off Ebay! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. (she goes to the bathroom)
Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO.
Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!!
Monica: And she wants to go hunting, too!!
Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it)
Monica: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Chandler: We really need to take those tests?
Monica: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests.
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler: Yeah, ok. I'm sure that doctor's office can't be worst than on a class trip to the Hershey's factory!
Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk!
Joey: Uh-oh. I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh!
Charlie: So I am just so excited to be here. And I can't wait to start exploring the city!
Joey: Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)
Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET!
Rachel: (to the receptionist) Hi there!
Receptionist: (in an affected tone) Hello, welcome to Lavender Day Spa SPA. How may I help you?
Phoebe: Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? (She sees Rachel) Oh, no, no! Listen, is there someone who can fill in for me?
Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work!
Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie.
Ross: Get to the problem!
Joey: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
Ross: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid.
Joey: Right, right, right, well, she wants to go to all this cultural places and I don't know how to talk about that stuff. You gotta help me out!
Ross: You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship.
Ross: Ok. Let's see. Oh, you should take her to the MET!
Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET.
Ross: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. You know what? She loves architecture, you know what you should do? You should take a walk down fifth to the Saint Patrick's Cathedral and there there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, you go way too fast. Ok? Just go back to the MET, ok?
Joey: You got to tell me exactly what to do there.
Ross: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, up to the Byzantine Empire.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! So, I walk in the door and make the right (and he bends his arm to the left. Ross then bends Joey's arm to the right and Joey nods)
Chandler: Deposit my specimen? You know, usually I have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk. Thanks, got it.
Monica: Hey, honey, my test is down the hall, are you sure you're going to be ok?
Chandler: (to Heaven) No no no... I mean, why? why is she here??
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Monica: This was fun! But I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to! (leaves)
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Rachel: You know I... (lifts her head and tries to look in Phoebe's direction)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Ross in the living room, rehearsing what Joey will say to Charlie in the Museum]
Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) No, no, my mouth says the words, my brain is thinking monster trucks!
Ross: Ok now, remember, when you get to the museum, Monet is not spelt M-O-N-A-Y. I just... I wrote that out phonetically for you.
Ross: Ok, but you know what? I gotta say, I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly!
Joey: Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy".
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Ross: Ok! So let's move on to the Renaissance?
Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).
Joey: Come on! you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again)
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. You and Monica are meant to have children. I am sure it's gonna be just fine.
Chandler: (smiling again) oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'...
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?
Rachel: Phoebe, honey, if you hate it so much, you should walk out there right now and quit! Be true to what you believe in! Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
Ross: (perplexed for a moment) Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right?
Charlie: No, we went to the left.
Charlie: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Ross: That was going to be my next argument.
Joey: (to Charlie) You're ready?
Charlie: Yeah, let's go. (stands up and kisses Joey) (to Ross) Thanks Ross.
Joey: (aside, to Ross) Hey Ross! That art stuff worked, you hooked me up.
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
(Phoebe walks to the door and half-opens it)
Monica: Dad! Theres Ross (points), why dont you go talk to him?
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
David: Hey! Oh, I was just about to leave. I-I-I-I didnt think you were coming.
Ross: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.
Monica: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.
Helena: (disappointed) I see. Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. (To a bald guy.) So youre bald?
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
Ross: (to Rachel) So, hes just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesnt want anything in exchange for helping him?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Joey: Ahhh! I heard "I do", were halfway there! Okay! (To Bobby) You!
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Elizabeth: Yeah! Im just going down there to relax and hang out with my friends.
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Joey: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know youre not gonna be alone in this.
Ross: Don't you have to be at work?
Gary: Okay, now I've really have to go!
Chandler: Are you trying to get everybody divorced?
Chandler: I had to! Okay, imagine you were married... and you found a tape of your wife in another guys' apartment... Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Monica: Okay. (They walk away to get some privacy.) We have got to beat them! {Here we go yet again.}
Phoebe: (without moving her lips, wearing a fake smile) Okay, I will. (to Rita) This is my husband Crap Bag.
Gavin: Yeah! But you said not to worry about...
Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself Im partial to
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
Gavin: Hi! Gavin! Please to meet you. It was my idea to stand there.
Gavin: I think you should talk to Ross about all this.
Joey: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Phoebe: Hi hi...Oh you have got to sing.
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. (Pause.) I'm sorry. (Runs to the bathroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying to erase Chandlers dirty words while he looks on.]
Rachel: Okay Joey, were luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Ross: No, its Its not that. Umm, now what Im going to say to you, Im not saying as your friend. Okay? Im-Im saying as it as Monicas older brother.
Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)
Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!
Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (She hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket.)
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Rachel: Oh God. You know what? Who you think you are? Who are you to decide what messages I should or should not get?
Chandler: (really try not to laugh) Good to know.
Ross with a look of wondering how long this is going to go on on his face: Still me.
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Michelle: Hey, do you want to go away this weekend?
Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, youre back with Rachel. If you bring this up now youre gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
Rachel: Oh, that�s what this is all about? Did you bring her up here to get back at me?
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
Rachel: I would love to live with you Ross; thats-thats great! Thank you!
Monica: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
Rachel: No, so I dont have to get married until Im 33! Thats three years, thats three whole yearsOh, wait a minute though. Ill need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and Id like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged Which means I need to meet the guy by the time Im thirty.
Ross: I never gave it to you.
Chandler: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that theres a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the book.) "Its almost as good as being there."
Rachel: No! I do not care what my hormones are doing, I am not going to just do it with some random guy!
Monica: Mom and dad just sent me in here to find out if you (points to Chandler) were trying to get Ross stoned!
Rachel: Hey! You remembered to put clothes on this morning.
Chandler: I have a job interview I have to get ready for.
Joey: Hey! Tall guy! Hey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about that girl that youre dancing with.
Amanda: Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Ross: Yeah? Any names come to mind?
Chandler: (to Rachel) And you Ross, I believe, if you check Rachels bag you will find a half-eaten box of cookies in there.
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
Erin: Okay. (Joey goes to get some coffee and Erin sits down.)
Monica: Sure, we'll do that. What are you up to?
Kim: (to Nancy) So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip.
Phoebe: Thats it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we werent!" What happened to you two?!
MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
RACHEL: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry. Damnit!
Janine: No no no no, its potpourri. Youre supposed to smell it. (Joey takes a big whiff of the potpourri.)
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Monica: Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now hes-hes called me up and asked me out. And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I-I owe her this. I never let her eat.
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Tag: Oh, Im sorry. (He bends over to pick the stuff up.)
Mr. Geller: Your mother just added him to her list.
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
Rachel: Well, you might want to tell him it sounds like his wife is (whispers) gay.
Monica: (indignant) I give good massages! (Ross laughs.) I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! (She starts giving Chandler a massage.)
Phoebe: Thankfully you dont need me at all (gets up and to leave) so Okay Super aunt see you later! Rachel lets give it six to eight months (she leaves).
Ross: (to Chandler) Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
Chandler: Yeah, check out the ring. (Shows it to them.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Joey: Look, I told ya, Im not going to any clinic! I dont have a problem, youre the one with the problem! You should go to a "Quit being a baby and leave me alone" clinic!
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
(Joey starts to leave.)
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
[Scene: The lobby of Ross's building, he's sitting on the couch at the bottom of the stairs, and he's practicing enticing women to join him on the couch.]
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
Phoebe: No Im not okay. The only guy Ive ever been crazy about has gone to Minsk and I may never I may never see him again. (Crying.)
[Cut to outside Central Perk.]
[Cut to inside Central Perk.]
Joey: Well, there are so many things, its hard to pick just one.
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Joey: Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? (Phoebe pinches him again.) Ow!! He's not even here!!!