words in movies
Joey: All right, look Im sorry you guys, but its just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And theyre really expensive, yknow? Im down to like three! Well, actually two cause one of em I kinda blackened in some teethWhy did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.)
Ross: Well isnt there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, cant-cant you pick up, I dont know, an extra shift here?
Phoebe: Or, yknow, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if youve got yknow a little of this (she sticks her chest out and shakes it) goin on. Wow! I still have it!
Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!
Joey: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Lets see uh, well I dont want to donate sperm again. (To Ross) I really prefer doing that at the home office yknow? (Ross nods his head.) Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?
Gunther: What did I tell you about talking to your friends while youre working?
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! Hes complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
Ross: Hey, what have you guys been up to?
Phoebe: Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today!
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
Phoebe: You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?
Ross: (moves closer) All Im saying is, its one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I dont know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachels and screams) surprise!!
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Ooh! Yknow what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.
Chandler: Okay, look I need your help, I dont know what to get her for Valentines Day.
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
Monica: Yes! Why, did youyou forget to make yours?
Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up.
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Monica: Im just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot!
[Scene: A Medical Research Office, Joey is there to sign up for an experiment, any experiment.]
Joey: (to the receptionist) Hi uh, Im Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect Id like to donate some fluids.
Receptionist: Well, heres a schedule of whats coming up. (Hands it to him.)
Joey: Thanks. (Starts to read it.) Well but this one starts now. (Points to one.)
Ross: Perhaps. Now Im curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Ross: Im sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but Ilook, I just want you guys to be safe. (Monica comes out to throw out the garbage and Ross screams ) DANGER!!!!! (She completely ignores him and keeps walking.) Ahhh, huh? Unagi.
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
Chandler: I cant figure out what to make Monica.
Ross: Yknow what? Shed-shed love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, thats the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, its an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
Chandler: Wait a minute, I cant give this to her.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bedroom, hes still trying to figure out what to make Monica.]
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
[Cut to the living room, Chandler is entering as Monica finishes wrapping her present for him on the kitchen table.]
Chandler: Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts?
Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)
Chandler: (momentarily terrified) Maybe well have to listen and see!
Monica: Okay, you ready to open yours?
(He opens his present to find Phoebes sock bunny from earlier.)
Monica: Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See thats what this is about.
Monica: No! No, she doesnt. Uh Phoebe, what she makesthats uhtheyre sock rabbits. They are completely differentOkay! Okay! Okay! I didnt make it! Im sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that were supposed to make the presents!
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Chandler: Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that!
Monica: Oops! (Covers its eyes.) Yknow, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?
Monica: We have got to wash that! (Referring to the sock bunny.)
Joey's Look-A-Like: Hey Mon! Hey Chann! (He goes to the fridge) Just gettin a soda! (Does so.)
Joey: Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl.
Joey: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
Joey: Yeah, hes the reason I didnt get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.
Joey: (to Carl) Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!! (Carl does so.)
(They start to walk into the living room and notice someones head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see its Ross.)
Joey: (gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.)
The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.)
Chandler: Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now.
Monica: I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me.
(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
(He hesitates, then goes over to dance with her.)
Chandler: No! Youre the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.)
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
The Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them
Ross: No, I mean its okay, I mean, theyre-theyre my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.]
Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin me?!
Ross: Ah-ha, nowhere to run! (He starts to run towards them.)
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
Rachel: I dont like sitting up here! Im just gonna over (She starts to get up.)
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Why dont you call him?! Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Colleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Rachel: Okay. (pause).(acting) Hello Drake, I'm surprised to see you here.
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Rachel: (to Monica) Allll done!
ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think Im ready to dance with girls.
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldnt tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
Joey: Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands)
Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)
Ross: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
Rachel: No! Downstairs! And we got to talking yknow, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.
Rachel: Nooo! Nooooo! You lent me Monica's earrings?! I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!
Ross: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her?
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I dont want to go. Im having fun.
Ross: Hey-hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly!
Joey: So uh listen, I think Im gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering phone)
Rachel: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]
Rachel: Because it took us months to find a good nanny and I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.
Rachel: I dont. But I would still like to be acknowledged. What? Just because Im pregnant you think Im invisible.
CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
Cliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]
Rachel: Ohhhh!! (Mindy starts to sob.) ...What? What?
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?!
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Ross: So I told Carl, Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur. But of course this went in one ear and out.....
Rachel: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out...
[Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.]
(He looks to Chandler, who doesnt have a clue.)
Ross: (laughs) You dont-you dont want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Woman On Train: Oh, no. But its just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
MONICA: Could you guys please try to keep it down, we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.
Rachel: I - I have to get on the plane.
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
Monica: There's something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the girl-baby Erica.
MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.
Chandler: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?
Ross: Uh actually, we-weve narrowed it down to two names.
Joey: I don’t know. She’s got to be taking it hard, I was like her only client. Except for this guy who eats paper. And I’m guessing he eats more money than he makes. Look, I know she’s not a great agent, but she did stick with me for ten years. I’m gonna call her and hire her again.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Chandler: So where are you applying to?
Ross: (Back to Emma) Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while youre making out...
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right heres the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Ross: Hey! (she turns to him) Well...? (in expectation)
Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, (To Chandler) and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor?
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Joey: (To Ross) Were not peeking? (Follows him.)
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7, and Kate waves good bye.)
[The next one is from Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, Rachel is describing her desert to Joey and Ross.]
Ross: Hmm, yeah. (To a random boy in the waiting room) Come on Ross jr. It's time to go in.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)
Ross: Im not proving anything. Okay, Im done listening to you. If I hadnt let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never wouldve put my fist through the wall!
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!
Phoebe: Okay. Umm look, youre coming on a little strong. But Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to be together. So, why dont we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about yourself.
Joey: (to himself) That's the fastest I have ever thought!
Joey: Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, its like a law!