words in movies
ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.
PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]
MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
CHANDLER: I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
MONICA: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.
RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
EDDIE: Nice to meet ya.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.
JOEY: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] Where's the mail?
CHANDLER: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.
CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
MONICA: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.
MONICA: Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.
MONICA: Then I won't have to kill you.
MONICA: If you really want to watch that Serengetti thing, you can.
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
RACHEL: [sings] And you're no friend to those with noses.
Rachel: Well, I mean, sure, of course. But... you already gave that to Monica, so...
Ross: Calm down. Theres no reason to get testy.
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
Monica: This was fun! But I've got an invasive vaginal exam to get to! (leaves)
Chandler: Yeah, Joey said I uh, I needed to relax so he gave me an antihistamine.
Ross: Yes lets. Yknow what? Uh, its-its not important. What is important is that, is that were having a baby. And its notDoesnt matter who came on to who.
Joey: (shocked) Dah!! (Chandler motions for him to calm down.)
Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
Monica: Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay. It's okay. Man, that was close.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Phoebe: Im, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdales and use the copy machine.
The Cooking Teacher: Monica, you go to the head of the class.
Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone)
(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the scrum.)
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Rachel: Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy.
[Scene: Dr. Rhodes's Office, a rather large group of doctors has now gathered to take a look at Ross's thing. Ross is none too pleased with the developments, he has a disgusted look on his face.]
MONICA: Really? Weird. Anyway, see, I planned everything really well. I planned and I planned and I planned. It just turns out, I don't think I planned enough time to actually do it.
Monica: If we wanna get on camera, I think we have to get up on one of those platforms. Theyve been taping those people up there all day.
Rachel: (to Monica) Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? A week ago, two weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy that I can't have.
Joey: You got it! Oh-oh! (He starts patting the burned spot, which just happens to be over her breast.)
JOEY: Yeah, we're goin' to a Ranger game.
Phoebe Sr.: Sorry. But just one last thing. Y'know you came looking for family. Im family, Im it. Now, now Im done. (starts to leave)
Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.)
Phoebe: Or, yknow, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if youve got yknow a little of this (she sticks her chest out and shakes it) goin on. Wow! I still have it!
[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)
Joey: Ah, he cant make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh! (hides behind the coat rack.)
Mrs. Burkart: (in grief) Jack used to handle the finances! (Breaks into tears)
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Phoebe: Okay, this is inexcusable. I am shocked to my very core!
Phoebe: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.
Phoebe: But I already gave them back to you!
Joey: So, so is she still going to Paris?
Ross: (loudly) So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight!
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Ross: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
Phoebe: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute?
Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesnt, and the dog goes running off.) Well, youre cute, but youre not too smart!
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Phoebe: YOU’RE SO GENEROUS AND KIND AND (crowd stops cheering) YOU'RE AMAZING IN BED (everyone hears it and stare at them.) (to everybody) IT’S OUR ANNIVERSARY!
Joey: Uh well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a couple of pieces left!
Joey: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's on the couch when Ross walks to him, with his jacket closed.]
Benjamin: I'm sorry. I just haven't seen her for so long! All these feelings are rushing back! I'm starting to realize how much I missed her, and I'm gonna need you to break up with her.
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Joey/Drake: How can I? Knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again, or touch your skin, or feel your lips, knowing I'll never make love to you? How can I accept that... I can never kiss you again when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now.
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Phoebe: So great! Okay! Tomorrow were gonna drive out to Montauk.
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]
Joey: (To Rachel) Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out?
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
Phoebe: Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium?
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.)
The Professor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China.
Monica: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots dont really go with it.
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.
Joey: (With Big Eyes.) All right, youre right. Ill talk to her.
Joey: (entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
Chandler: Well, you got here just in time. I really have to go buddy. (They hug)
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, its has to be 800. (picks up the instruction manual to check the phone number) Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. (Finds the number) Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Chandler: They said it could be up to a year.
[Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Themes, Ross, Emily, and Monica are walking to where theyre gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the caterer.]
Ross: Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyers office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just dont want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.
Ross: Right that's why I came over to talk about. Hum...I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony,even though there were NO LIGHTS !
Rachel: No! Come on its late, were not gonna go down to the office.
Rachel: Joey, why wouldn't you invite us to your parties?
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
Rachel: And last year is that why you sent us to that medieval times restaurant?
Phoebe: Im sorry. Im sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didnt go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Monica: Nothing. I just want the baby to be born today.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Joey: (whispering to Chandler) Youll tell me later?
Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I meanI'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Rachel: I can't believe this. All I wanted to do was help you try to figure out what to do with your life and this is how you repay me?
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh...
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
The Food Critic: Im torn, between my integrity and my desire to avoid a beating. But I must be honest, your soap is abysmal. (Throws down the spoon and walks out.)
Dina: What are you going to do? Kill him? Like you did with Charles?!
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Phoebe: Uh Joey, were trying to dial down the crazy.
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Ross: Oh, but I've got tickets to the Van Gogh exhibit! I've been waiting like a year for this.
Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
Katie: Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom.
Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.
(Joey whispers in Rachels ear to confirm his response.)