words in movies
Rachel: Hey! You remembered to put clothes on this morning.
Rachel: Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.
Ross: Hey, you're not naked! So hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight?
Rachel: Well, I'll probably be back to pick her up around six, but she's in the bedroom all ready to go. But she did actually fall back to sleep, so...
Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
Ross: No, it's not a divorce, it is not a divorce! Anyway, I think Rachel and I need to, you know, get on with our lives, maybe, maybe start seeing other people.
Ross: Yeah? Any names come to mind?
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Joey: I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my "plan-laugh." (A maniacal laugh follows.)
Chandler: See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.
Rachel: I was just asking 'cause I need someone to watch Emma tonight.
Monica: Sure, we'll do that. What are you up to?
Rachel: Oh, you guys are gonna have so much fun! She's at such a cute age. Oh, a couple things. Now that she's eating solid food, she poops around the clock. And watch out for your hair, 'cause she likes to grab it. And oh, she's also in this phase where if you leave the room, she screams bloody murder, but ah... Thanks, you guys. Have fun!
Phoebe: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Joey: I met her at the library. I went in to pee.
Phoebe: What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off, but we don't tell Ross, and he goes to the restaurant and gets stood up!
Chandler: I'll try to stop. Wait, did you say until the sixth?
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Chandler: I might have checked to see if I was ovulating a couple times.
Chandler: I am not working. There's not much to do around here!
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Chandler: Horrifying? Scarring? Something people go to jail for?
Monica: But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?
Steve (staring at Rachel): I - I just have to say this; you're really beautiful.
Steve: I lost it. To drugs.
Rachel: Phoebe, it's me. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Emma has fallen asleep in her playpen, and Chandler has fallen asleep right next to her on the floor. He's even sucking on a pacifier.]
Monica: Yes, but we have to be fast.
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Ross: Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
Ross: Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice. Although I was hoping to have sex tonight.
(Meanwhile, another waiter has come up to the first waiter.)
Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.
Monica: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
(They walk over to the playpen.)
Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.
Rachel (to Steve): Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well? (To Monica.) What's up?
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Chandler: All right, all right, we were. We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
(Joey starts to leave.)
Steve: Look, I think I know the answer to this question, but... Would you like to make love to me?
Rachel: All right, well that's good to know. Good night, Steve.
(She walks over to Central Perk and enters to find Ross sitting on the couch, eating crab cakes. She takes off her coat while groaning and shuddering.)
Rachel: Oh, well, I...It's kind of weird talking to you about this, but...
Rachel: Well, he makes t-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me this.
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
Phoebe: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?
[Cut to inside Central Perk.]
[Cut to outside Central Perk.]
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
Joey: I had to get out of the apartment. Janine is like stretching all over the place. Yknow, everywhere I look shes like (He imitates her stretching)
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Why dont you call him?! Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
Colleen: Oh, please, we're happy to help.
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Monica: No! No, she doesnt. Uh Phoebe, what she makesthats uhtheyre sock rabbits. They are completely differentOkay! Okay! Okay! I didnt make it! Im sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that were supposed to make the presents!
Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Rachel: Okay. (pause).(acting) Hello Drake, I'm surprised to see you here.
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Rachel: (to Monica) Allll done!
ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think Im ready to dance with girls.
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldnt tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
Joey: Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands)
Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)
Ross: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.
Phoebe: (to Joey) You wouldn’t let her have a grape?
Rachel: No! Downstairs! And we got to talking yknow, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.
Rachel: Nooo! Nooooo! You lent me Monica's earrings?! I'm not allowed to borrow her stuff!
Ross: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her?
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I dont want to go. Im having fun.
Ross: Hey-hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly!
Rachel: I dont like sitting up here! Im just gonna over (She starts to get up.)
Joey: So uh listen, I think Im gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering phone)
Rachel: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]
Rachel: Because it took us months to find a good nanny and I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.
Rachel: I dont. But I would still like to be acknowledged. What? Just because Im pregnant you think Im invisible.
CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
Cliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]
Rachel: Ohhhh!! (Mindy starts to sob.) ...What? What?
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?!
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Ross: So I told Carl, Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur. But of course this went in one ear and out.....
Rachel: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out...
[Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.]
(He looks to Chandler, who doesnt have a clue.)
Ross: (laughs) You dont-you dont want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?
Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.
Woman On Train: Oh, no. But its just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a King size bed!
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
MONICA: Could you guys please try to keep it down, we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.
Rachel: I - I have to get on the plane.
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
Monica: There's something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the girl-baby Erica.
MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.
Chandler: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have sex with it.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Ranion's theory of species variegation?
Ross: Uh actually, we-weve narrowed it down to two names.
Joey: I don’t know. She’s got to be taking it hard, I was like her only client. Except for this guy who eats paper. And I’m guessing he eats more money than he makes. Look, I know she’s not a great agent, but she did stick with me for ten years. I’m gonna call her and hire her again.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Joey: Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.
Chandler: So where are you applying to?
Ross: (Back to Emma) Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while youre making out...
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right heres the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Ross: Hey! (she turns to him) Well...? (in expectation)
Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, (To Chandler) and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor?
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Joey: (To Ross) Were not peeking? (Follows him.)
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7, and Kate waves good bye.)
[The next one is from Episode 609: The One Where Ross Got High, Rachel is describing her desert to Joey and Ross.]
Ross: Hmm, yeah. (To a random boy in the waiting room) Come on Ross jr. It's time to go in.
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see if he's up for the job...)
Ross: Im not proving anything. Okay, Im done listening to you. If I hadnt let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never wouldve put my fist through the wall!
Chandler: A tall guy with hair similar to mine, oh unknowable universe!
Phoebe: Okay. Umm look, youre coming on a little strong. But Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to be together. So, why dont we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about yourself.