words in movies
CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
CAROL: Want us to go?
MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?
ROSS: I am really not going. I don't get it. They already live together, why do they need to get married?
CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.
ROSS: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.
JOEY: Yeah, and she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.
JOEY: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this.
CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.
CHANDLER: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work, I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.
CHANDLER: That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.
RACHEL: I know, but it's just it's the first time, and I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry, that my life is total crap, you know?
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
ROSS: Hi, Mrs. Green. [He gets up to shake her hand, but she ignores him.]
MRS GREEN: If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink.
MRS GREEN: This is just so exciting. You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.
RACHEL: No! They didn't even talk to each other. God, how was I supposed to know they were having problems?
RACHEL: I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I wouldn't have to worry about this.
MONICA: Is there any chance that you can look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny when my parents got divorced, they sent me to this shrink, and she told me that all kids have a tendency to blame themselves. But in your case it's actually kinda true.
MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?
PHOEBE: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
MR A: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
MR A: [to Joey] Worth a shot, huh?
MRS GREEN: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come straight from the office?
MONICA: Really? Weird. Anyway, see, I planned everything really well. I planned and I planned and I planned. It just turns out, I don't think I planned enough time to actually do it.
PHOEBE: Yeah. I guess she hasn't seen everything yet. I'll be right back, she has to go to the bathroom again. [Takes Mrs. Green's chin in her hand and says, in Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh, such a pretty face.
MRS GREEN: I mean, this is no offense to your dad, sweetie, but I was thinking there might be more.
RACHEL: You want me to talk you out of it?
JOEY: I'm sorry, it's the pigs. they're reluctant to get in the blankets!
MONICA: Do you want me to cry? Is that what you want? Do you wanna see me cry?
MONICA: [to Ross] All right, you!
CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.
CAROL: My parents called this afternoon to say they weren't coming.
CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.
CAROL: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the wedding. I don't know what to do.
ROSS: Look, do you love her? And you don't have to be too emphatic about this.
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
ROSS: Any time. [He doesn't want to let her go]
MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I wrapped those bad boys.
WOMAN: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear what you just said, and I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout we go get you a drink?
[Chandler tries to warn Phoebe that the woman is coming on to her, but Phoebe doesn't see him.]
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]
MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.
CHANDLER: [to the woman who just rejected him] All right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people. [She walks away again.]
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
MONICA: All right, just trying to start an interesting discussion.
JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you dont want to do that, then youre gonna get stuck with Rachel and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Monica: Joey! Hes working! (To Chandler) You would look good in that.
Kathy: (to Chandler) We were just talking about you.
(Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes up.)
Rachel: Oh God! Alright, fine. You know what Joey, forget it. When we go back to New York, I will tell him.
Chandler: Hang on buddy! (He goes over and unlocks the door and opens it to reveal a fully furnished apartment.)
Ross: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!
Rachel: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around.
Rachel: She climbs out of the frame, and then drags her half-a-body across the floor, just looking for legs to steal. (in a spooky, slow voice) And then with her one good hand, she slo-o-owly re-e-a-aches up and turns your doorknob.
Rachel: Wow. I, I dont even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)
Barry: (into intercom) Thanks, Bernice. (To Rachel) Let's go away this weekend.
Lady: Oh, sure. I’m showing it to someone else right now, but please, look around.
Monica: All right, just give it back to me when your done. See you guys.
Ross: I just, I had to see you one more time before you took-off.
MONICA: Listen, um honey, I appreciate this but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me, I mean, they have each other.
Phoebe: Okay, we have like ten minutes. Do you want me to get into that now?!
Joey: (laughs) Thats cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.
Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So, enjoy: smoke oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.
Ross: Yeah, but when the baby comes shes gonna want to move.
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
Mrs. Verhoeven's Daughter: You speak Dutch? (In Dutch) Zeer vereerd een vriend van mijn moeder te ontmoeten. (Translation: Im very honored to meet a friend of my mother.)
Joey: No can do amigo. No, I didn't use the computer. Felt more personal to hand-write it. (Chandler and Monica look even more shocked)
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Joey: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. (still confused) All right, when was 1990?
Joey: Well look, Im breaking up with Katie so I had to put on some extra padding. Y'know? I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's gonna hit me when I tell her I'm taking away the Joey love?
Joey: Okay, so thats another five hundred. Five hundred and five hundred, thats (Pauses to figure it out.)
Phoebe: Yeah, well hed prefer water colors, but y'know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
Ross: Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Monas standing right over there. (Looks behind him.) Oh God, shes talking to Joey! You gotta let me win!
[Scene: Ross and Carol's, Ross and Carol are waiting anxiously for their new partner to arrive.]
Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didnt you?!
Chandler: Ah-ha, youre not the boss of me. (She kisses him) Yeah, you are! (She handcuffs him to the chair) Ooh, saucy.
Phoebe: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, yknow. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a tissue, please?
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]
PHOEBE: (singing/screaming) You're all invited to bite me!
Ross: Oh, all right. (Joey flips the coin.) Tails! (The coin bounces off of the landing above them and falls to the ground.) Can you-can you see what it is?
Ross: Uh, Pheebs, while were hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they dont go, rrroof!
Joey: Well, you gotta give him something that he cant say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, youre guaranteed hell say yes!
Chandler: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. (Hands it to him.) You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldnt afford it, because you paid dinner last night.
Phoebe: I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm justI'm worried it's gonna be a big mistake.
Earl: Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya. (Hangs up.)
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didnt tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.
Phoebe: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?
Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
Rachel: I know. But if some guy who looks like Corey Haim wants to kiss me tonight, I'm sooo gonna let them! (They spot Chandler)
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.
Ross: Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyesDo-do you want to make out?
(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.)
Rachel: I dont know, you thought See you Saturday was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
ERICA: I should just be happy to be near you.
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
Erica: Actually, I don’t think we have to.
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Joey: (raises his hand and points to himself again) Ken Adams!!
Monica: No-no, I-I really dont want to talk about it! I dont! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.)
Chandler: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Joey: Anyway, it uh look itll just take me a while to get over her, thats all. Im not even sure how to do that, I mean Ive never been in love before so
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
MONICA: Give it to me.
Rachel: Yeah, just so weird seeing him like that, you know? I mean he is a doctor, you don't expect doctors to get sick!
Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?
Ross: And what did he ask you not to call him?
Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change your mind.
Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.
David: I keep a straight face he-he delivers like this look, a reaction to you, or a certain take, I-II mean I find it so funny.
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.)
Jim: Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
Phoebe: Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
Chandler: They dont really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
Rachel: Yknow what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed?
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
MONICA: C'mon. Keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh.
Phoebe: Well I guess its okay to open one more if its part of a set. Yknow, its probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
RACHEL: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him?
The Cigarette Smoking Guy: (No, not the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files.) Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
[back to Rachel and Monica]
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Monica: I know...God. I haven't seen my savings take a hit like this since I was a kid and they came up with double-stuffed Oreos. What happened to all our money?
[Flashback to Chandlers thirtieth birthday party. It is also being held in Monica and his apartment. He is about to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.]
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is opening the door to Monica.]
CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are still debating about how to tell Rachel that Chandlers moving in and shes moving out.]
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?