words in movies
[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Monica: We are not going to whistle.
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Joey: He forgot to leave his grip size!
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this?
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight?
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
You don't have to be awake to be my man, As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, There's something I have got to say...
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
(People turn to look)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Monica: I read to you.
Phoebe: I sang. (To Monica) Hah!
Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say?
Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
Mrs. Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?
Mrs. Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses him and goes to leave)
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Chandler: Hes not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! Im supposed to do that!
Frank Sr.: Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. (Gets up to leave.) But umm Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please? (Hands her a note.)
Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding! Ah, how about you told me you loved me after I was already married!
Chandler: Dont try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff!
Mr. Geller: It is off. Right Ross? (pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache)
Rachel: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, (checks watch) y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-ifare you sure there's just not anything else?
Joey raises his hand: Uh.. who has to die for me to get her?
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
(Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.)
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
Phoebe: Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him scared like you! Make him a man!
Monica: Yeah, sure... uhm, I'm devastated, obviously... (to the rest) Did you think the neighborhood was homey? (Chandler enters)
Ross: Oh, nothin much. Just trying to figure out what Im gonna do for dinner.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's carrying the laundry hamper to their coffee table.]
Monica: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work.
Chandler: Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.
Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
MIKE: (nods) Things are about to get wild.
Ross: No, Rachel got pulled over for speeding. She forgot her licence so now I have to bring it to her.
Chandler: (to another couple) Uh, excuse me? Could you take a picture of us?
(Chandler starts to think about it...)
Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.
Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.
Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.)
Emily: Well I mean, youre American to start with. You dont even have rugby here.
Joanna: Well, this isnt how I was hoping how this would end, but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.
MONICA: You should go to the game.� It's okay.� I want you to.
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monicas door.]
Paul: (jumping up) Elizabeth! Oh look, Elizabeths here! Who are you talking to?
LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was a big guy.
(He tries to put it on her finger.)
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, Im ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
Rachel: What do you really want to do?
(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)
Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Thank you.
Monica: Chandler, please dont think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel
(Emma starts to cry)
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Rachel: Thank you! (goes to get coffee)
Monica: Hey, they dont pay me a penny a word to make friends.
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
PHOEBE: I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him. [leaves]
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey is giving Chandler the bracelet from season 2.]
Mr. Treeger: Well Im gonna have to put on a new lock, theyll find out anyway.
[Scene: Coffee place, Molly holding Emma and talking to Joey]
Ross: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I mean I actuallyI-I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that.
Joey: This is so exciting for her. Well, Ill let you two fash ists get down to business. (Exits.)
Monica: Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!
Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid.
Phoebe: To kill Bob??
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) Im training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
Ross: Soon hell be able to call you, that lady he knew who got fired.
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
Rachel: (worried and shocked) Yeah, sure Mr. Zelner, for you anythingminute. Okay. Fine. (To Tag) Abort the plan, abort the plan. (She start to usher Tag out.)
Gavin: Pleased to meet you.
Chandler: Look, you cant call somebody after this long just to say, In case you didnt notice, I dont like you!
Monica: Pleased to meet you. So you're coming to Rachel's party tonight?
Monica: You were just being so nice to him!
Phoebe: Okay, yeah well, good news, youre going to have three babies.
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Ross: We have to stop them before something happens!
Rachel: What...? Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
Joey: I came over here to tell you guys.
Chandler: Who walks into a room and asks to see a persons hands?!
Joey: Ok, wait wait wait wait a minute wait a minute, I mean Rach, I mean if if... . If Hugsy means that much to Emma then... well she can have him.
Gavin: Yeah, hey. (comes in to the balcony)
Ross: I dont know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
Rachel: Well Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
Ross: So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.
Monica: Dad! Theres Ross (points), why dont you go talk to him?
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
David: Hey! Oh, I was just about to leave. I-I-I-I didnt think you were coming.
Ross: Rach, I think I'm gonna wait out here, because my throat is feeling a little scratchy, I don't want to infect him.
Monica: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.
Helena: (disappointed) I see. Well, I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. (To a bald guy.) So youre bald?
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
Ross: (to Rachel) So, hes just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesnt want anything in exchange for helping him?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
(Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since hes already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess hes some sort of actor.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Ross: (not getting it) Yeah! Yeah! Rachel picked it out for me. She told me to trust her and you know what? I'm glad I did! I turned quite a few heads on my way over here.
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Joey: Ahhh! I heard "I do", were halfway there! Okay! (To Bobby) You!
Phoebe: Cause youre still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Elizabeth: Yeah! Im just going down there to relax and hang out with my friends.
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Joey: Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know youre not gonna be alone in this.
Ross: Don't you have to be at work?