words in movies
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach-aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
(He walks over and kisses her. They pull back, Rachel looks at him, and they kiss again.)
(They kiss.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...
Phoebe: (interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
(They walk over to the door.)
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
(They all walk over to see the baby.)
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Joey: Oh, they're so cute! Now, what, what kinds are they?
(They hug.)
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
(They drive up to a toll-booth.)
Joey: Yeah, yeah, they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)
(They realise that the birds are in the foosball table.)
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a group of old people who are walking very slowly.)
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Shoot, they were doing it before.
Monica: Oh, wait, wait, wait! Here they go again.
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
(They kiss again.)
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Emily: Dont do this to me, again. Youd know Id stay here in a minute, but Id really miss so much work, theyll fire me.
[they walk across the hall]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they are just finishing up another game of foosball.]
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
Molly: (goes out of the room) Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha (they kiss on the lips in a romantic way). (to Ross) I'll see you tomorrow.
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. Theres an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didnt even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right youre off my list.
(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers)
Chandler: Okay, heres the thing. Were gonna get you some coffee and they will never know that youre drunk.
Joey: Wait a minute. That sounds a little familiar! Did they already do that one? Cause I think I read it!
Monica: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
[they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and turns on the lights]
Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what theyre gonna say.)
Ross: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, by the by, did it uh, did it ever occur to you that, I dont know, maybe they might be having a little too much fun?
[they both try to drink while continuously stirring]
Monica: Honey, Im not returning them. Okay? I mean I-I know they cost a lot, but Im going to wear them all the time. Youll see. Besides, I love the compliments. I mean, have you ever had something so beautiful everyone wanted it?
[Later, Phoebe is on the phone, theyre all still trapped in Monicas bedroom.]
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Chandler and Ross: Hey! Hey Adrienne. (They move away from her)
[They keep kissing and start scratching each other. Ross enters, takes one look, and goes right back out the door.]
Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.
Mr. Geller: They never did, so if ever see me giving them legal advice just nod along. Shall we?
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
DUNCAN: I love you Phoebe. [they hug and kiss]
Ross: (British) Come again? Whats-whats this nonsense? (Giggles.) (American.) All right, Im-Im not English. Im from Long Island. I was really nervous and the accent just uh, just came out. Im sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Umm, were there any questions? (Everyone raises their hands) About paleontology. (They all put their hands down.) All right, look I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important because Im-Im hoping to get a permanent job here. So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
(They all get up and leave.)
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Phoebe: Not really, I got to drag him around too! (They all nod, "Oh.")
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Phoebe: These are not mine... Look how flimsy they are, come on! Good God! You try to hang a guy from a waterpipe with these, they'll snap like a piece of licorice.
Monica: Now come on. (They hug like men.) Well, Im glad we worked things out.
CAROL: My parents called this afternoon to say they weren't coming.
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?
Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing!
Chandler: That sounds like my first bike. (They all turn and look at him.) My dad gave me his old one.
Chandler: I think its great. Its great. Yknow, theyre thinking of changing the name of this place.
Chandler: So? What? What? Theyre gone! Monicas gonna freak!
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
MR. GREENE: Alright, that sounds like a two person job. [they walk into Rachel's bedroom]
Phoebe: Theyre gonna get through this, arent they?
Female Student: (as they are moving past Ross) Im so sorry!
Phoebe: Well, freaked. Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky. And! This is Frank and Alices like only shot. Like, they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.
Chandler: Yeah, come on, its Ross and Rachel, theyve got too.
(Rachel laughs a little too hard as Ross and Jill leave for their date. After they have left, Rachel starts to break down.)
Monica: What if they dont?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Ross: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! Theyre mean and theyre stupid and-and I dont want my son learning them!
Chandler: They got a phone in there, right?
[they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
Chandler: I can't believe they are not here! I slave and I slave for what? They've ruined cranberry day!
ROSS: Oh right, right.� (They pause and exchange a glance. Then, Ross looks away.)� So, are you . . . ah . . . you excited about your, your first night away from Emma?
Joey: Look no, I-I know its bad, and I know its wrong. Okay? But-but its not like anythings ever gonna happen. Yknow? These-these are just feelings, theyre gonna go away.
(Ross and Emilys parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Monica: Lets take a walk. (They start to leave.) Yknow maybe you should consider writing for Talking Out of Your Ass magazine! (They exit.)
Monica: Because they dont know were dating. (Again, trying to quickly change subjects.) Do you think we should eat in the kitchen? (Goes to the sink and the stove to cook.)
Phoebe: Im sorry, okay, I-I wasnt looking, and the store says that they wont take it back because you signed for it...
[They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks]
Joey: Well, I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, that she should of forgiven him by now.
Joey: I swear to god, Dad. That's not how they measure pants.
Monica: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they want? Find out what they want!
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Monica: Was he falsely accused of something? (They look hopeful)
Joey: They actually said that?
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)
Message: (Phoebe's voice) "Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise" (they all turns to look at Phoebe) "I sh.. I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo."
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay. (They move to the couch.)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
Rachel: Ooh, good God, theyre so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)
Whitney: Were so sorry. (They get up to leave.)
(They start smacking each other's cups, but Phoebe notices a security guard approaching.)
Phoebe: So what are they doing?
RACHEL: Well not when they find out you slept with Jason Hurley an hour after he broke up with Monica.
Phoebe: Aww, good. (they hug) What?
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Nurse: Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we cant guarantee a private room and currently theyre all unavailable.
Phoebe: Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Emily: Well, that me. (They kiss again.) Here, have this. (She gives him the candy bar.) Im only allowed one piece of carryon anyway. (She starts towards the jetway.)
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
Emily: I realize that people are going to be disappointed. But, Im sure theyll come back when we can do it right.
Joey: What did they do?
MONICA: They love each other, and they wanna celebrate that love with the people that are close with them.
Phoebe: I dont know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I dont know how you fight that.
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you dont know what they are, but shes fine.
Monica: Thats a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! Yknow (Does the whole hair blowing in the wind model type poses.)
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it, before someone gets really hurt! (they stop and Phoebe gets David's jacket and gives it to him) Here David, you should just go.
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Joey: I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and youre all invited! (They all gasp.)
MONICA: What if they get mixed up?
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)