words in movies
Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach-aches. They come and go like every few minutes.
(He walks over and kisses her. They pull back, Rachel looks at him, and they kiss again.)
(They kiss.)
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...
Phoebe: (interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
(They walk over to the door.)
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
(They all walk over to see the baby.)
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Joey: Oh, they're so cute! Now, what, what kinds are they?
(They hug.)
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
(They drive up to a toll-booth.)
Joey: Yeah, yeah, they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)
(They realise that the birds are in the foosball table.)
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a group of old people who are walking very slowly.)
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Shoot, they were doing it before.
Monica: Oh, wait, wait, wait! Here they go again.
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
(They kiss again.)
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.
Carol: Where are they?
(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)
Carol: Is it a good sign that they asked us to hang around after the audition?
Erica: Well, there is a chance it's another guy. I mean, I have only ever been with two guys, but they sorta overlapped.
Rachel: (stopping him) Oh no-no, no-no, they dont want you to put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.
Monica: Okay. (They both jump up to head for there room, but Monica stops.) But wait, we cant. My Cousin Cassie is in the guest room, were supposed to have lunch.
Rachel: Joey, just because theyre not getting married doesnt mean this is going to be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan!
Ross: No, no, they will. I just... uh...
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Joey: Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in.
RACHEL: Oh God, Ross.� Ross is going to pick up the phone.� Oh, I have to get my number back.� (She turns to find Bill, but they have gone.)� Oh my God.� He's gone.
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him under the table] They do have the shrimp.
Chandler and Joey: Awwwww!! (They lean back all the way.) Awwwwwww!!!
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived.
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Phoebe: No no no, Ill be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are?
Rachel: I love you too. (They hug.)
(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)
Monica: (crying) I'd do anything for you. (They hug again.)
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, you're right.I'm sorry, good luck! (they hug)
Frank Jr.: Oh, I think you're right. Oh, wow. Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up. I mean, you know, they drive me crazy, but they're my babies.
Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils...
Ross: Uh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar.
Monica: They could be our neighbors, what are they like?
Ross: Oh great! (They get up to dance and Ross is interrupted by a little girl.)
Rachel: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work?
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
(They all decay into massive bickering as Phoebe returns from the bathroom.)
Jill: No! They did! (Points to Phoebe and Ross)
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
(They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realize what she just said and run over to the bathroom.)
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Ross: Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't they have asked us by now? When did they ask you to be their bridesmaid?
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Phoebe: Yeah, and theyve been coming by all day. They love it!
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Ross: Well then well-well see you the day after tomorrow. (Walks away slowly, but notices something.) Mom?! Dad?! (Theyre sitting by the window.) What-what what you guys doing here?!
Rachel: Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! (They turn the corner.) Well, yknow. I mean theres no way Joeys gonna make it in time. So Im gonna through the hotel and see if theres any other weddings going on.
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
CHANDLER: I think they get it.
Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
Rachel: Look, yknow I know my lifes going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people whove accomplished so many other goals by the time theyre thirty.
Monica: You obviously havent screwed over a lot of your friends. (They all look at her) Which we all appreciate.
Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug).
All: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely. (They just stand there, then realise what he means and go to the other end of the room)
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
Rachel: Yeah. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby. Im gonna have a baby! (They all hug.)
(They give each other a dubious look.)
Joey: (enters) Guess what? (they all look expectantly at him) I finally got that seed out of my teeth.
(Suddenly they hear Janice laughing, and it ruins the moment.)
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Rachel: Oh! Screw it, I didn't get it! (they high-five)
Phoebe: Enchanté (she holds out her hand, and they shake hands)
(They all look to Phoebe to settle this.)
CHANDLER: Welcome home man. [they hug and jump around]
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
Conan: So that you will intentionally do something thattheyll-theyll intentionally screw it up?
Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to MonWhoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Chandler: No! No-no-no-no-no-no. It sounds like they really need you down there.
Chandler: Oh honey, leave them alone, theyre in love.
Phoebe: Oh, this is terrible. Oh, theyve made so many changes I cant even feel my grandmothers presence anymoreOoh! New sconces!
Chandler: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!
Joey: Ms. Monroe (She slaps him) Oh there you go. (She storms off, leaving Joey standing next to Dina. They share a nod at the ferocity of the slap they just received.)
Dina: I cant believe shes really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours. (They move into kiss but; theyre stopped by Joey entering with a huge bandage wrapped around his head.)
Joey: Well, since you ask. They want me back on Days of Our Lives!
(They hug and Joey enters.)
Phoebe: Oh come on, they can be in the same room.
Monica: Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps.
[They both step out into the hall.]
[They hug and kiss.]
Monica: Oh, my mom called, theyre gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so were looking for a good picture of us.
(Pause as they both take another sip of coffee.)
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
RACHEL: No! They didn't even talk to each other. God, how was I supposed to know they were having problems?
Rachel: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, its uh, its like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
Chandler: No. I mean I believe that uh, certain people are more suited for each other and I believe in falling in love, but soul mates, I dont think they exist.
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, let's see. (she takes her mobile phone) Ok, duck down. (they both get down to hide themselves. Phoebe calls Chandler)
(They hug as Rachel enters.)
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)
(Rachel grabs the bug bomb, activates it, throws it at the figure, and they both run out through the fog.)
Rachel: And thank you for your time. (They both beat a hasty retreat.)
Joey: (angrily and monotone) Any one of the brilliant actresses nominated for this award tonight deserves to take it home. Unfortunately only one can. (Shakes his head in disgust.) The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are from Passions Erin Goff. (There is applause, which Joey disgustedly waits to dye out.) From One Life to Live Mary Loren Bishop (They start to applaud again, but Joey interrupts in with the rest of the nominees), from All My Children Sarah Mchann, and from Days of Our Lives Jessica Ashley. And the winner is (Opens the envelope) Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. (Applause) Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldnt be with us tonight so Ill be accepting this award on her behalf. (Realizes something) And Im sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. Shed also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel whos sittin right there! (Points at Rachel.) (The music starts and his microphone is turned off, this angers Joey again and he disgustedly exits.)
ERICA: Who's they?
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh, okay maybe they put your picture back up they can put you next to Matt Lauer. Look at him, smiling at me. (Giggles) Yeah I know; wed be great together!
(They kiss each other on the cheek, and Rachel leaves.)
TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.
Chandler: They dont really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
(As they change places, they give each other the now patented Ross maneuver. If you dont know what that means, click here to find out The One With Joey's New Girlfriend.)