words in movies
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
Ross: Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Monica: I like them a lot.
(They all speak at once in general approval of his pants selection; Joey asks where he got them. I can't pick out the rest of it.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
Joey: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)
Ross: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
(Ross opens the door and steps into the living room. He has fully removed his pants and holds them wrapped into a ball in front of his crotch. His legs are covered in the powder and lotion paste. He looks terrible.)
Joey: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
Rachel: Man! He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park!
Monica: Let me try. (Gets up to join them.)
[Chandler puts a coin in the mini jukebox at the table. YMCA starts playing and Monica and the rest of the staff have to get on the counter and start singing along and dancing. After a couple of couruses, Chandler pulls out a handful of coins and drops them on the table.]
Monica: Good. Okay, Im just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of them.
Rachel: We are so gonna find them this year.
Chandler: I just didn't want to tell you in front of them.
Rachel: You stole them from me!!
Chandler: Why havent you told them?!
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
Phoebe: No. No. Its just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, Im pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
ROSS: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why don't you borrow it from mom and dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. You might as well make some money off of them.
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
Richard: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. (Monica grabs his hand in the tomatoes.) Thats my hand.
(Both of them remove their hats as Phoebe enters.)
Chandler: Youre gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?
Joey: (overhearing them) Oh-ho, and mine!
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
Monica: (interrupts him) If someone wants to give us a present, we dont want to deprive them of that joy.
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
Rachel: But, theyre across the hall! I mean thats two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.
Rachel: No seriously, yknow the contracts I gave you, did you overnight them?
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Monica: (indignant) I give good massages! (Ross laughs.) I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! (She starts giving Chandler a massage.)
Monica: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Interviewer: You gonna slice them up real nice?
Ross: Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!
Chandler: Gap commercial. (To Monica) So did you book them? Did you call?
Monica: Hi honey. We just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing; they dont like us do they? (They gave them a pok-a-dotted punch bowl.)
Rachel: Well, wait a minute, youre the boss! Why dont you just yell at them? Or, fire them?
Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think Im interested in them.
Phoebe: Yeah, ok. I guess you're right. Allright, so we should just give them away. But to nice families, with children, and reduced fat wheat thins. They're Bob's favorites.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Both of them sitting on the couch, interviewing a nanny candidate.]
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
(They watch them making up and sigh)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are there. They have lots of brochures about adoption in front of them.]
ROSS: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
Joey: Yeah! Ask them if they brought their friends any souvenirs!
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Monica: Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story Ive had such a craving for them.
Phoebe: Ill give you $1 for them.
MONICA: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.
Monica: Okay you were right! All right, I never should have bought them! Theyre killing me! One toe at a time!
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.
Chandler: And protected them from a tornado?
Monica: Cause they took our apartment, I wanted to punish them. But Im-Im done now. Theyve suffered enough.
Rachel: No! Im so happy for them!
Joey: (answering the door.) Hey, how did you do that?! Come on in. (He brings them inside.)
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
Ross: I know! Im saying you have to watch them all the time.
Phoebe: Left! (Rachel hands her the napkin in her left hand and they both unfold and read them.) Thank you.
Joey: All right, here we go. (He grabs them and starts to pull them out of the apartment.)
CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
Ross: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay?
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasnt true?!
Tag: I just did them.
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Monica: Okay. (She opens it up and shows it to them.)
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.
[cut back to Rachels bedroom with both of them hurriedly getting dressed]
Monica: You guys, I ordered some chocolate pies from that bakery on Bleecker. Could you pick them up for me?
Rachel: Yeah, we could. Oh hey look! Theres some Kappa Kappa Deltas! I was a Kappa. (to them) Hey sisters! (They ignore her.) (To Monica) Wow, we really are bitches.
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are drinking coffee and Phoebe notices a cute guy checking them out.]
Chandler: So she stole your pants and then she came back and wore them in front of you?
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?
Joey: All right, uh, weve got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you cant treat them that way.
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.
Tag: Im telling you, you never gave them to me.
Joey: No-no! Im fine. Its just Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that youve known for a while and then suddenly suddenly see them a different way?
Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?
(Joey offers them some potato chips.)
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!
Joey: (behind them) Oh!! Shrimp toast! (Walks right past the little group on his way for the shrimp toast.)
Rachel: (They both look behind them.) Well, I'd have to say gay.
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)
Chandler: Because we hate them.
Monica: (yelling after them) I cant believe youre gonna have sex on my engagement night!!
Monica: But you told them you werent?
Chandler: Yknow, itll be okay. Itll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then well tell em.
Monica: I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them. So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad?
Chandler: (to the two guys) Excuse me. (Chandler and Ross move away from them). That didn't make us sound gay at all!
Monica: Them?! Who's them?
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
Monica: (gasps) Totally familiar. (Phoebe shows the rest of them.)
Joey: Well I didn't tell them!
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
Rachel: Some of them.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
Chandler: Honey, Im gonna save you some time, 200 CDs, not one of them in the right case.