words in movies
Monica: Hey Hon, could you help me get the plates down?
Monica: No, I think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the Queen of England comes over.
Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, take the hint.
Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them?
Monica: Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over..
Monica: <laughs> Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the queen.
Joey: wow, the parade is really good this year. Man those horses can crap.
Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives .
Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?
<Chandler grabs Joey's left arm and pushes the sleeve up>
Joey: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like.. like I was some kind of idiot.
<Chandler nods and his eyes get big like he's saying 'what the hell'>
Rachel: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, <shakes head no> not the same thing.
Amy: Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey.. I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.
<Ross comes out of the bedrooms>
Amy: No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade.
<Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.> Sorry.
Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. <looks at china> hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out..
Monica: I know, after you left the store, I chose different ones.
Phoebe: Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people!
Phoebe: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it?
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
Phoebe: Sure, what.. what was the work thing?
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"?
<Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen>
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
<Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back>
<Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet>
Phoebe: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.
Amy coming out of the bathroom: Hey. Hey where's the baby?
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby.
Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby.
Later in the day.
Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... <nearly really drops the plate and more seriously> Woah.
Monica: Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well recieved. <pinches Ross' arm>
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
<Amy gets pissed and starts cutting food on the fancy plate very harshly, you can hear the silveware scraping the fancy plate>
Monica about to have a heart attack: Okay, listen I know you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but you don't have to take it out on the plates. I mean, I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut their food like this.
<Monica holds a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife>
Monica: Now see, this way you protect the plate.. and lets face it you have fun.
Amy: Okay, how about this, you guys die and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby?
Chandler: Well what is wrong with me? Am I .. am I incomptent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!
Rachel: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you're going to be a wonderful parent. It's just.. you're more the fun parent.
Phoebe while cutting a sweet potatoe in the air: No you're all about the fun.
Chandler: So.. let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway.
Monica: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts.
Monica: How hard is it? No shoes on the furniture.
Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad.
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Phoebe: It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air>
Monica and Chandler come through the front door.
Joey: Setting the table.
Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler.
Amy walks over to the couch and sits down next to Rachel: Ucch. <pauses> Uchh <louder this time> In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.
Rachel: Ok. You decorate dad's office and so now you're a decorator. Okay! I went to the zoo yesterday and now I'm a koala bear.
Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.
Amy: Oh. Yeah. Well.. You didn't come see me when I was in the hospital when I was getting my lips done.
Rachel: I did the first time! Oh. Oh.. <gets up and walks into the kitchen> And you know what. You want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you.
Rachel turns to Ross: Oh whose side are you on? <back to Amy> I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responibility of a child.
Amy: Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby?
Amy: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and your, your small apartment. <directs this to Ross who in turns throws the towel in his hand down on the table> Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.
<Amy pushes Rachel and Monica goes berserk and runs around the table>
Monica: Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes!
Monica screaming at Ross: Forget the bubblewrap! There isn't time!
<Amy runs towards Rachel and Rachel puts her arm out, hand on Amy's head and Amy starts trying to hit her but is missing, Rachel is moving backwards towards the table when her hand swipes the one plate left on the table on to the floor>
Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing.
Monica starts crying: Thank you. It was so beautiful. <gets up and walks towards the front door> I'm going to go to Joeys and get the pies.
Monica: I don't care. <pauses and realizes...> Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold.
Amy: So you're going to give me the baby?
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Monica: Like only if the queen comes?
Phoebe: No problem! Next week: stealing... (Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.)
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)
Monica: What? Something happened with the plates?
Hums While He Pees: Me too! Im sorry that guy in the subway licked your neck.
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!
Rachel: Well, I thought you liked doing it. (Rachel starts out the door and stops.)
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
Chandler: (hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!".
[Scene: back in the conference room in Tulsa]
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
Rachel: Alright thanks, oh Ross could you stop by the coffee house and get me a muffin?
Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Ross: Thats right, I love you! And-and Im gonna play with you all the time.
Chandler: I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!
Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird?
(She walks over to Central Perk and enters to find Ross sitting on the couch, eating crab cakes. She takes off her coat while groaning and shuddering.)
Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time?
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like Im holding down the fort all by myself.
Phoebe: Please, dont play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!
Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)
MONICA: You should go to the game.� It's okay.� I want you to.
Rachel: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monicas door.]
(All the others look at her, stunned/incredulous)
Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, Im ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.
Chandler: (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others)
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Ross: Just then or-or all the time, cause we-we have jobs yknow.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
Phoebe: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
ROSS: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you buddy.
Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Joey: Of course it does! It’s smart! I used the the-saurus!
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
Chandler: (yelling from the changing room) All right! I found one that fits!
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room! Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!
Monica: Daddy! I dont think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex.
Ross: (grabbing back his coffee) If the place you are referring too is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!
Joey: Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about that.
WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.
Ross: No, its not just cause Im jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a Come on look) I mean Im not, Im not, Im not jealous, okay? Its Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other in shock.)
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
MONICA: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.
Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Ross: Umm say, I-I opened this earlier (The privacy screen) but let me give you guys some privacy.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick Bastard are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.]
Phoebe: No, Im-Im not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
(They both laugh as Ross heads back to the bathroom.)
Steve: Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)
Gavin: Yeah, hey. (comes in to the balcony)
Ross: The physical act of love. (Hisses at her.)
Ross: I dont know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
[Scene: The Porsche, they have pulled over and are awaiting the cop to come talk to them.]
Tag: Oh, Im sorry. (He bends over to pick the stuff up.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
[Scene: The breakfast buffet, Phoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Mike: Ok, ok, I'll throw away the traps.
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
Monica: Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
Chandler: Ah! The high road...
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away.
Woman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.
Rachel: What? What's the matter?
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.