words in movies
Ross: So, did he get on one knee, did he have a speech prepared, or (in a tender way) did he cry? (the guys look at him) Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals!
Phoebe: Well, it was really sweet, and like the most romantic thing ever.
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Phoebe: It's, yes, my little black book. It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated.
Phoebe: I would, but you're the last one.
Rachel: (angrily) GIVE ME THE BOOK! (she takes it and start reading) Pablo Diaz, Brady Smith, huh, "Guy-in-van"?
Monica: What does the red X next to Bob Greenmore's name mean?
Phoebe: Dead. (everyone is a bit upset) Oh, it's OK, no, he was old, yeah! And he lived a full life, he was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.
Joey: (Looking inside the fridge, and we only see his back. Then he closes the door, and we see it's Joey.) Hi sweetie!
Chandler: Yeah, and I don't wanna brag but a lot of the ideas were mine! (silence) Hell, you weren't there? All the ideas were mine!!!
Chandler: Oh... I don't know, I really don't think you're right for the part.
Chandler: First of all. Bravo. Uh, but I really don't think you're right for this. The part calls for a stuffy college professor.
Joey: I can do that! (in a deeper voice) "Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things or... professing. I like to use..." Oh, what's the product?
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie is sitting on the couch and Ross enters.]
Charlie: Ah, well, unless it's the creepy guy with his hand up his kilt, I'm gonna say congratulations!
Charlie: Wow, that's great! So, tell me about the grant!
Ross: Well, ok, it's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research! And there will be an article about me in the "Paleontology Review"! Yeah! That'll be the first time my name is in there, without people raising serious questions about my work!
Charlie: Wait. Are you talking about the Dewar grant?
Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.
Monica: Oh, well. Now that I'm here I might as well help you with the cleaning and organizing! Just happen to have my label maker!
Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up? Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one... he wants me to get rid of Gladys.
Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body girl dummy coming out of the frame. Monica's frightened and she gasps.) Oh! What a tragic loss!
Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own!
Rachel: Just tell Joey that you watched the tape and you liked it, but your bosses didn't. Then that way, you're the good guy and they're the bad guys.
Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).
Ross: I can't believe I'm about to meet Benjamin Hobart. I've always thought of him as one of the people I'd invite to my fantasy dinner party. Do you think there's any chance he'll bring Christie Brinkley or C3PO?
Ross: It's an honor to meet you. I can't tell you how long I've been an admirer of your work, I mean, that Nobel prize, (he thumbs up) whoooo! I mean, I have to tell you that, you're one of the reasons I got into the field.
Benjamin: (to Ross) Thank you! (to Charlie). I can't believe that you chose this restaurant! Do you remember the night?
Ross: No, but, it's, you know, it's just a funny image, you know, the two of you, in this restaurant, with... (laughs nervously)tzz-zzz, mmm.
Charlie: Ross, why don't you tell Benji about your proposal, while I go to the ladies room?
Ross: Ok well, I would like to do a dig in the painted desert.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters the room.]
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
Phoebe: No, he really hates it. But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair! So you got to pick your battles. But the good news is, Gladys is yours!
Monica: Wow, what's the bad news!
Phoebe: Oh, she's that work of art I made, you know, with the woman coming out of the frame.
Phoebe: Girls, girls, stop, ok? We'll flip a coin. Heads, she's Rachel's, tails she's Monica's. (she flips the coin). Tails! Monica, she's yours!
Chandler: Bad news. I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses and they weren't interested.
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Joey: (looks at him suspiciously) But, ehm... you watched the tape?
Joey: (sounds confident) You didn't watch the tape.
Joey: Well, you lied again! (Rachel comes out of her room and is observing the conversation)
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
Rachel: Did you watch the tape?
[Scene: Interview room. Ross and two other professors (one man, one woman) are sitting on one side of a long desk. Benjamin Hobart is sitting on the other side]
Benjamin: The selection committee has chosen the three of you as our finalists today. The ultimate decision will be based upon the answers you give to the questions I ask here. I'm gonna start with Dr. Li. Dr. Li, you claim the field is too reliant on the Linnaean taxonomic system. How do you propose to correct this problem?
Dr. Li: Well, I believe that the answers lie in the osteological evidence. I plan to begin there.
Dr. Biely: Primarily in the Pierre Shale region of South Dakota.
Ross: (shocked and confused by the question) What? I... I... (Benjamin looks at him as if to say "What's wrong? Answer the question")
Benjamin: You're right, I apologize. Scratch the last question. Spell "Boscodictiasaur".
Joey: Ok whoah-hey... Let me just stop you right there, ok? First, you lied, right? Then, you lied about lying, ok? Then you lied about lying about lying, ok? So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about... lying... (loses count and begins to count the number of 'lyings' in the air but gives up.) (yelling) Stop lying!
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
(The commercial:
Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Lipstick For Men!" It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he says seductively "Ichiban... Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko" and it ends. Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters carrying the horrific 'painting' of Gladys. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: (smiling from ear to ear) Well, Gladys say hello to your new home! (she holds out the 'painting')
Rachel: Well, hey! How about right above the TV? (Points to the spot where her famous French poster is hanging). That way, it will be the first thing that you see when you walk in the door!
Rachel: (jumps at the chance to make that happen) Oh! There's nothing above your bed!!
Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.
Benjamin: Anyway, I've decided to offer you the grant.
(Rachel enters, checking the mail, then looks up and sees Gladys placed on the barcalounger.)
Rachel: She climbs out of the frame, and then drags her half-a-body across the floor, just looking for legs to steal. (in a spooky, slow voice) And then with her one good hand, she slo-o-owly re-e-a-aches up and turns your doorknob.
Monica: No, too late. You can't give it back! (she pushes the painting back to Rachel)
(While they are both pushing the painting towards each other, Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: You guys! You guys! You don't have to fight over her anymore. (she goes out into the hallway and enters with an even more hideous painting/collage. One of those faceles mannequins heads wearing a blueish dress and orange gloves reaching out into the room. Around the head 3 small dolls are hovering.) Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis. (Rachel and Monica are gasping for air at the sight of this monstrous piece of art.)
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
Joey: That's not the point Chandler. The point is that you lied.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]
(we see Joey and Chandler standing there, and Chandler is wearing the blue Ichiban lipstick!)
[Scene: Central Perk. Some time later that day. The group has left and Charlie is there when Ross enters.]
Charlie: Did you get the grant?
Ross: Yeah. He wouldn't give me the grant, because I wouldn't give you up.
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Charlie: Well, if it's like the lake Mbosco in Congo, then M-B-O...
Ross: I want you to tell her everything. About the deal you tried to make with me, about the crazy questions you... Wally Cox! That's the voice of Underdog!
Benjamin: Like I tried to tell you in the interview Ross, this grant is not based on your knowledge of pretty useless trivia.
Ross: No, no, no. Don't do that! I want you to look her in the eyes, and tell her the truth.
Benjamin: I never should have broken up with you. I think about you all the time. I mean, do you ever still think about me?
[Scene: Joey's bedroom. Joey's asleep with Hugsy, the penguin right next to him.]
(There are scratching and squeaking noises coming from the living room, and Joey wakes up, terrified. He pulls his blanket higher. The doorknob is turning.)
(The door opens, and there is Gladys, still in her frame though. Joey panics and moves frantically, screaming. Then there is laughing, and the painting is lowered. It was Rachel holding Gladys.)
Rachel: Okay, very cute braces. Anyway yknow what, the point is Tag, start looking because you are going to find those contracts on your desk. (She goes into her office.)
Chandler: The reason we havent told them were together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
(there's knocking on the door which Phoebe opens)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
Monica: Okay, heres your milk. What do you want to talk about? (She sees that Chandler has fallen asleep and slams the door loudly to wake him up.)
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Monica: And the eye!
Rachel: Okay, uhm... alright, here's the deal.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, well Yeah, no use wasting this baby, just lyin around the house.
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Ross: Duh, you think? (enters the kitchen)
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
(Mike enters the apartment.)
Phoebe: Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I cant believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesnt matter, cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because shes the one whos leaving. Its harder for her!
Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Phoebe: Im sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.)
THE END
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Tag: How could I have left them in the copy room?
(Chandler enters from the bathroom)
Ross: Oh, great! Listen, oh I had to get you a whole new battery. I got you the best one I could, cause thats not where you want to skimp.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
(Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.)
Girl: Why dont you look in the mirror, scrud.
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Rachel: (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.
Rachel: In the afternoon. Mr. Zelner came into my office after lunch. He put them on my desk, and then I put a Post-It on it (Looks down onto her desk and finds the folder with the Post-It on it that contains the contracts she imagined she gave Tag) that said, "Must go out today." So you just keep looking in there! All right?
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. Im sorry.
Monica: Hi! Umm, Im Monica Geller, Im the chef at Alessandros.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
The Security Guard: I'm just taking you outside!
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left.
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why dont you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.)
Rachel: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
(The oven timer pings in the kitchen.)
(He runs off to the kitchen.)
All: Oh! (They stop hugging her to let her out and resume the hug without her.)
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Charlie: No, no, no, not the Mets, the MET, singular!
Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
Phoebe: (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on the table and everyone gasps.)
Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning!
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Charlie: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay?
Monica: Limited seating my ass. Lets see who made the cut. (To the couple sitting to her right.) Hi!
Joey: I have to go to the bathroom too, but I dont want him complimenting my thing.
(Ross goes to the kitchen.)
(He goes back to the kitchen.)
Joey: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning.
Phoebe: Ohh, you and your ways. (She shakes the bell at him and sits down.) Since its Christmastime. Im going to be one of those people collection donations.
[Scene: Rachel's hotel room. Joey is standing at the door, facing Rachel]
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Ross: Look Rach if-if you want to go for a ride in the Porsche Ill be glad to take you for a quick spin around the block.
THE END
Chandler: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous?
(The triplets stare at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.
Chandler: I wanna quit the bank!
Phoebe: Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of Ralph.) Ohh, whos the silver fox?
Rachel: Well yeah, I wish that you would. (He opens the top drawer.) Well, no its not in there! (Closes it.) How about that drawer? (She points to the bottom one and he opens it. She doesnt see the folder she planted and bends over to check.)
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
(All are returning from the street after picking up dropped lottery tickets)
Joey: (after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt eitherOoh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Joey: What’s the matter?
Chandler: (sighs) Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-(Joey enters)-chickeeeen.
Donny: Okay. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please... Ready, GO! (runs off)
(The machine picks up the phone)
Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line?
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
Chandler: Sure! Thats one of the great things about being engaged. Im not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall).
Phoebe: Come on! The boss that fires a guy thats just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy thats just been fired, blond bitch!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's trying to teach Joey French, so she's sitting in front of him with the script in her hands.]
Ross: Hey! Howd the ah, basketball go?
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
[Scene: The hallway]
Rachel: We took our apartment back!! (Slams the door shut.)
Phoebe: Please, Monica? In the hall?