words in movies
[Scene: The Hospital, Ross and Rachel, whos in a wheelchair, are arriving in the waiting room for the maternity ward.]
Ross: All right! (Checking his watch) Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!!
Rachel: (deadpan) Yes, the hard part is truly over.
Ross: Wait a minute! How-how the hell did you beat us here?
(Chandler and Joey enter from the vending machines carrying sodas.)
Ross: Okay. Okay. (To the nurse behind the desk.) Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. Im Ross Geller. We-we called from the car.
Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! (They walk away from the desk.)
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Yknow what? Id have to say I really dont care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem toWhoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Rachel is in bed, Ross is fooling around, and Dr. Long is checking on Rachel.]
Ross: Yeah, guess so. Whew! Check these out! (Hes looking at the stirrups on the other bed in the room and Rachel groans. Ross then hops into the bed and puts his legs into the stirrups.) Never done this before.
(A nurse shows another couple into the room.)
(They stop when they see Ross who has to struggle to get out of the bed.)
Ross: Umm say, I-I opened this earlier (The privacy screen) but let me give you guys some privacy.
Rachel: Oh no, I really dont want any(He takes the picture)Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross
(During the mutual contraction Julie takes a moment to point out theyre having a contraction at the same time.)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, the rest of the gang is lounging around.]
Phoebe: (looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, time lapse, Ross is massaging out a cramp on Rachels hip as Marc opens up the privacy screen.]
Marc: I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam.
Marc: Julies cervix is dilated a seven centimeters, thats about four fingers. The doctor let me feel it myself.
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross comes out and hugs Mrs. Geller.]
Mrs. Geller: I actually needed to talk to you before the birth.
Ross: Gimmie! (Takes the ring and puts it in his coat pocket as Rachel enters the hallway.)
(Mrs. Geller leaves as Ross re-enters the room.)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Ross is explaining to the gang what happened with his mother.]
Ross: she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why Im not with Rachel.
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Ross is returning to find another couple has taken the place of Marc and Julie.]
Ross: What happened to the Disgustingtons?
Ross: Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people?
Ross: Umm. Umm, Im-Im just gonna(Closes the privacy screen.)
Ross: No-no, Im Im sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)
(Sick Bastard sits down in a chair that enables him to look around the screen and stare at Rachel.)
(Ross shrugs his shoulders to Rachel and Sick Bastard closes the screen all the way.)
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Chandler is looking at the babies as Monica walks up.]
(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)
Chandler: Were trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Yknow Im not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?
[Scene: The Vending Machines, Phoebe is buying a soda and Joey is shaking the candy machine.]
[Cut to the elevator lobby, Phoebe walks up and sees a man in a wheelchair with his broken leg extended.]
Phoebe: Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but cant.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.)
Phoebe: Well, its a long story. Its kind of embarrassing. Lets just say there was a typographical error with a sex manual. (The guy laughs.) How about you?
Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, thats me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it youre just visiting someone.
Man: Im in the middle (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.)
Joey: (standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick Bastard are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.]
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Rachel: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesnt need to be; shell still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.)
(The next couple enters.)
(Rachel motions for Ross to close the privacy screen, which he does.)
[Scene: Another Waiting Room, Phoebe and Joey are trying to find out where the guy with the broken leg is.]
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. Hes a patient of mine, Ive been treating him for years!
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Chandler: Okay. Uh, well dim the lights, dim the lights. (He goes to the light switch and finds its not a dimmer switch when he flips the lights off.) Or turn them out all together. Uh, no scented candles. Okay here. Here we go. (He sprays an aerosol air freshener above her.)
(He hops onto the bed and they start making out.)
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
Joey: (looks in the window) Hes not really my type.
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Dr. Long is checking on Rachel again.]
(Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.)
Doctor: Oh my. Were gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room.
Rachel: Oh for the love of God!
Woman Giving Birth: (yelling from the hallway) Its coming! Its coming!
Doctor: And here it is! (The baby cries.)
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Cliff: Are all the questions this personal?
Joey: (checking the list) Yes.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, theyre brining in yet another woman.]
Nurse: (calling to the woman) This rooms available.
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
Nurse: I dont think the next patient is very far along.
(Another nurse wheels the next pregnant woman in.)
(Ross and Rachel are, needless to say, stunned at the arrival of Janice.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, continued from earlier.]
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
Ross: (To Rachel) Squeeze your legs together and cover the babys ears!
Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I dont think youve met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologists office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)
Sid: I still cant believe it! Im the luckiest guy in the world!
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Monica: (lying down on the bed) Okay mister! Fertilize me!
(Suddenly they hear Janice laughing, and it ruins the moment.)
Chandler: If its not, then theres two of them. And that would mean its the end of the world!
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Chandler: Janice I didnt even know you were pregnant! Whos the unwitting human whos essence youve stolen?
Chandler: Thats funny. Does it-does it hurt? Does the labor hurt?
Cliff: Id have to say the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that youre making me eat him.
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
Ross: Yknow what I think it is? I think youve made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesnt want to leave.
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Cliff: Is this the same spoon that was in my cast? (Smells it.)
Cliff: Oh my God! Thats the doctor who was in my room before!
Cliff: Im telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions!
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
Phoebe: Uh Joey, were trying to dial down the crazy.
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is finally giving birth.]
Dr. Long: Okay, the next contraction should be in about twenty seconds.
Dr. Long: Its the babys buttock, shes breech.
Ross: (from the floor) Keep pushing!
Ross: You have no idea how much this hurts. (All of the women in the room turn and glare at him.) Keep going! Keep going!
(The newest friend cries.)
Rachel: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. (The baby cries.) I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, shes looking at me. Hi! I know you.
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Ross is taking pictures of Rachel holding the baby as the rest of the gang enters.]
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Joey: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so were good.
Monica: Whats the matter?
Ross: The doctor says its completely normal with all the hormones. Plus, you-youre sleep deprived.
Rachel: So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I dont see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God. (Starts to cry harder.)
Joey: Whats the matter now?
Joey: What was the other one Ross?
Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I dont want it.
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Rachel is putting Emma down for a nap.]
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Ross: Man! Did you see the kid on that nose?
Rachel: Umm that kiss before we left the apartment. That was some-something huh?
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Ross is looking at Emma as Phoebe walks up.]
Ross: Yeah. Shes putting her down now, thats her. (Points to the nurse putting Emma now.)
Phoebe: Im sorry, for the last time, why arent you two together again? (Silence from Ross.) No, I know. I know, because youre not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are.
Ross: Look, weve been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. (Pause) Its just if-if we got together again and it didnt work out I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything(Starts to cry.) Oh thats now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I were doing really, were doing really well right now.
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is in bed as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices shes wiping her eyes.) Whats the matter?
Rachel: Oh please, hell be with his real family, the twins and little miss new boobs.
(He moves Rosss coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.)
(He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open.)
Rachel: (seeing the ring) Oh my God. (Pause) Okay.
[Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachels room.]
{Transcribers Note: As with all the cliffhangers, there was no credits scene. There will be a ninth and final season of Friends starting sometime in September. See you then, have a good summer everyone.}
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
Chandler: You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets!
Monica: Yeah? The work problem?
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Phoebe: ThatIts not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, hes very special to me.
Chandler: See uh, thats-thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
[Cut to the hallway, Phoebe is outside getting some last minute instructions from Rachel.]
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
Chandler: Whoho ho... Listen to the judgement from the porn star!
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)
The Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends todays class, and lets remember, lets be safe out there.
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
(They enter the dry cleaners.)
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Monica: Or Spin the Bottle?
Ross: Id bet Id still be doing my kara-tay. (Thats karate, hes just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from yknow, not doing anything else physical.
Ross: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. IWhat? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rachel: I know. (They hug.) Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, Im gettin something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
Chandler: Okay, you ready for the last picture?
(They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.)
Monica: Well, she saw the ring.
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
Joey: We dont need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, well head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
The Woman: Im Megan Bailey.
Chandler: Ill be in there. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Phoebe: The Police? Here? A reunion?! (She gets out her camera.)
Joey: So, whos the guy?
Ross: Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
The Salesman: Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know about vulcanised rubber?
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
Monica: Damnit! Yknow this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)
Ross: Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews (They sit down and Rachel sighs) And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.
Monica: (following her) Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Monica: The good stuff, huh?
PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
Rachel: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...
Brenda: Okay. (Goes over and fluffs up the pillows on the couch.
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
Monica: (grabs the guitar away from her) No, Phoebe, Ill tell you what, if you get ready now Ill let you play it at the wedding.
MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area.
Phoebe: Sure, what.. what was the work thing?
Joey: Oh-oh! So thats the way its gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the rules too yknow!
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet youre about to ruin the happiest day of his life. Im afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.]
Rachel: One more time from the top... I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other br... (She also turns and sees the gang)
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel have just gotten another wedding present.]
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"?
Ross: (putting the magazine back and holding the money for it) Okay.
(They all go into the hallway.)
Rachel: Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Rachel: Oh my god, I left the water running.
(Joey sticks his head through the gap. Monica and Chandler are now sitting at the dinner table. There is another smaller table full of food standing in front of the front door)
Rachel: Youre lookin at it upside downyknow what? (Grabs the evaluation and throws it out.) It doesnt matter.
(Cut to Monica, at the microphone)
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Josh: So I'll see you at the party? Beer's beer man, 24, 7!!
Chandler: In the James Taylor case.
Chandler: You know, we dont really take advantage of living in the city.
Rachel: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebes handbag.)
Ross: (Putting the bread up to his nose.) Ohh, I just like the smell. (Sniffing it.) Mmmm.
-Cuts to Monica (She's just arrived outside his room she fixes a bent photo hanging on the wall then sprays mint in her mouth and enter)
Monica: What?! Youre crazy! Theres nothing sexual about the noises I make!
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
[Joey opens the door and picks up the remnants of the newspaper.
Ross: Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it.
Tag: (To her, in the Joey voice) How you doin?
Ross: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Ross: (Looking at the posters.) Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? (They sit down on the couch. Ross smiles and the black light fluoresces his teeth.) So, ahh, where were we?
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
[Cut to the gang.]
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Rachel: (looking down) Oh-oh!! One hand on the sheet Joe!
[Cut to the interview.]
Paleontologist: (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
(The crowd ahhs.)
Joey: Really? Cause I could kinda use the money.
[Cut to the gang.]
[Cut to the interview.]
[Cut to the interview.]
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica are talking about the baby, and Monica is rubbing Erica's tummy.]
The Interviewer: A mento
Rachel: No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him.
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
[Cut to the interview.]
(Chandler turns on the TV and )