words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)
Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Ross: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.
Phoebe: (after he's gone) I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!
Phoebe: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way?
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Monica: Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)
Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)
(Rachel heads for the door but is intercepted by the doctor.)
The Doctor: Hi Rachel!
The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.
Rachel: (jerks back from the tester) What?!
Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.)
Monica: Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F D.
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Monica: I wanna say good-bye at the car!
Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Rachel: Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss.
Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Phoebe: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Joey: Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.
Joey: You wanna eat? (Pulls out the twenty) My treat!
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Chandler: Oh, you don't want me on the trip?
Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.
Joey: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!
Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
Ross: Yeah? Sometimes it's (Does the fist thing.)
Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)
Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Phoebe: What's in the bag?
Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?
Rachel: Okay. (She tilts her head back and squeezes the eyedropper. The only problem is, it's not over her eye.)
Monica: Sit down. (They sit down on the couch.)
Monica: On three, 1 2 3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)
Monica: All right, come here! (She gets up and drags Rachel off of the couch by her legs.)
Rachel: (as she's being dragged) What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it! (Monica drags her totally onto the floor and on her back.)
Monica: I am going I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)
(Monica starts biting on the eyedropper, spraying the fluid all over. But Rachel keeps turning her head back and forth and Monica keeps missing.)
Monica: (spitting out the eyedropper) Damn! It's empty!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse, Phoebe and Monica are playing cards as the phone rings.]
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Phoebe: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering (We hear the dial tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?
Phoebe: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Stanley: I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
The Grip: Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani?
The Grip: These got left for ya. (He hands him a bunch of helium balloons.)
Joey: Thanks. (The grip walks away.) (Reading the card.) Congratulations on your big break.
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone is ringing.]
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Joey: (to the family) Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'.
The Husband: Okay!
Joey: Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The gang is surrounding Rachel at key positions.]
Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
Monica: Okay! Okay! Okay! (She succeeds in getting the eye drops in and everyone climbs off of Rachel.) We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.
Rachel: Oh! (She's trying to recover while still on the floor.)
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and waters fine.
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table, talking.]
Phoebe: Just a sec., we're kind in the middle of something here.
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are discussing the note.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Rachel: Ummm. Oh! Im sorry. (She grabs the box and offers him a piece.) Its a little old but
Phoebe: Im, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdales and use the copy machine.
(Joey gets all happy with himself, while the rest of the gang is less than enthused.)
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on thethat looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say hi! but then I figured, he doesnt care if he looks like you.
[Ross is speaking to Monica and Rachel about tipping the super.]
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Joey: (To Monica) Hey-hey-hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question.
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
(Goes over and picks up the remote.)
Man: Im in the middle (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.)
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)
Phoebe: Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it?
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
Ross: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.
[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, yknow? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Rachel: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
Joey/Drake: I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.
Ross: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?
Ross: Well, and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmentalPotluck dinner.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Chandler: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Chandler: Ok, here we go! (he pushes the play button)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
Monica: This is where I thought the barca lounger could go! You see you could see the TV and its still walking distance to the kitchen.
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
Phoebe: Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the house.)
Rachel: Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I'm so jealous!
Monica: IT'S THE HUMIDITY!
Monica: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
Monica: The truth is, Dad, were-were trying.
Ross: Okay! (Walks away from him.) Umm, I uh, Im your teacher. Im sorry, youre-youre a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
Joey: (Touches the back of his head and licks his fingers) Oh man! I thought I got it all!
Monica: (to the waitress) When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.
Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesnt, and the dog goes running off.) Well, youre cute, but youre not too smart!
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
(cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.)
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, yknow, Im kinda musical.
Joey: (impressed) Wow! You look... (drops the cookie)... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness!
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Chandler: Oh, he works in the Fine Foods division.
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren Offices, Rachel gets in . Kim is there.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's on the couch when Ross walks to him, with his jacket closed.]
Ross: Good, 'cause the ladies, not so much. (shakes his head, give him a thumbs up and leaves)
Monica: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Charlie: (sitting down on the bed) I think we need to talk...!
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
The Professor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?
Rachel: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Helena: (standing at a table and asking the guy sitting there) Where are you from?
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots dont really go with it.
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?
Rachel: so basically you've slept with all the woman in New York and now you're just going around again.
Chandler: Oh, it would be you! You! Monica! And you'd get all the votes!
Chandler: Look, for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship. Okay, I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know, telling the truth.
JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
Phoebe: Well maybe you dont talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about yknow all the things that hes taught you. Like (They all try to think about one example and dont succeed.) Or all the things you taught him.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. (Pause) Although I-I hope they dont.
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
Ross: Oh sure. (He sits on the apothecary table and touches her hand.)
PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. [singing] Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes, she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike. But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner. Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she died and some day you will too. La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...
Monica: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
Phoebe: Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.
Rachel: Wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good dateOh, I almost forgot. I didnt pay you the rent check.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, well see.
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Chandler: Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh?
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
ROSS: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.