words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.]
Phoebe: (angrily) Thats like the tenth time Ive peed since Ive been here!
Monica: Thats also like the tenth time you told us.
Phoebe: Yeah, oh Im sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, its a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! Im so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, causeOh! Im pregnant!
Ross: All right, heres the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
Ross: So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet?
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Phoebe: One of the babies is kicking.
Phoebe: Its not kicking me, its kicking one of the other babies. Oh (looks down her dress)! Dont make me come in there!
Monica: Yeah, theres one right under the cabinet.
Joey: Oh, were having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.)
Joey: Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.)
Joey: Then youre not invited. (Starts for the door again.)
Rachel: All right fine! Youre not invited to the party were gonna have either.
Monica: The baby shower for Phoebe!
Joey: This is what Ive got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor.
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, Ive got you, me, and Chandler and Im gonna invite Gunther cause, well, weve been talking about this pretty loud.
Joey: All rightoh! Listen, I know this is your party, but Id really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what, lets not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes!
Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
Ross: Yeah, see, I dont think its gonna that difficult considering this one wont be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Chandler: Oh, Im Ross. Im Ross. Im too good for the Hut; Im too good for the Hut.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people?
Monica: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (Its a little pink and white dress for the girl baby.)
Rachel: Huh. Except, Phoebes not gonna be the one that gets to dress them.
Monica: Because shes not gonna get to keep the babies.
Rachel: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!
Phoebe: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I cant use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, whats my next present?!
All: I dont have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their gifts behind their backs.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rosss bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Ross: Hey listen man, about the stripper
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
Chandler: (banging on the bottle again) Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, (to the stripper) so is the position of the bride.
The Stripper: Great!
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Ross: Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.)
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
The Stripper: Wow, I didnt know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Joey: Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the wall. (The duck complies.) Hardly move. (The duck complies.) Be white. (The duck complies.)
The Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party.
The Stripper: Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night.
The Stripper: Yeah?
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, its the middle of the night, hes waking up and discovers hes alone in bed.]
Joey: Hey, (realises he doesnt know her name.) stripper! (He notices that the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees its empty and starts to panic.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Joey: (running and banging on Chandlers door) The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring!
Chandler: (opening the door) What?
Joey: The ring is gone!
Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for thisAh-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! Youre the worst best man ever!
Joey: Dude, this isnt funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everythings cool! I wake up this morning, the strippers gone and the ring is gone!
Chandler: You slept with the stripper?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
Phoebe: I-I wanted to apologise if Iyknow seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. Yknow its just the hormones, yknow.
Rachel: It just might be too hard, given the history and all that
Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Phoebe: Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.)
Joey: Ugh! I dont know what Im going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they dont care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isnt an emergency, then what is?
Ross: I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And the guys from work had a blast. Yknow, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.)
Joey: (laughs, softly) Yeah, the stripper stole it.
Ross: (dialling the phone) All right-all right, fine! I-Im gonna call the cops!
Ross: Not on you! On the stripper!
Joey: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said theyre gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders.
Ross: Okay, well, well call the company that sent her!
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
Phoebe: (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.)
Rachel: What?! She made the tea! (Points to Monica.)
Monica: Wait, you cant have the baby here! I mean I havent sterilised it since the guys moved out!
Phoebe: No. Its all right; its probably false labour. They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book.
Monica: Rachel, get the book! The book!
Monica: The Bible?!
[Scene: Chandlers office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.]
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she wont recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and Ill be uh, Mr. Wong.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
The Stripper: Did anybody call for security?
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.) Hey, Joey?
The Stripper: Whats he talking about?
The Stripper: Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?
The Guys: Yeah!
Ross: We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!
The Stripper: Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I dont need to steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Rachel: No, really. Really, Pheebs, youre not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when theyre bad, yknow, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just wont calm down. Yknow?
Monica: I mean, youre the one theyre gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.
Phoebe: Youre the best. Thanks. Oh!
[Scene: The Animal Hospital, the guys have taken the duck in to remove the ring. Joey is pacing around like an expectant father.]
Ross: Joey! The vet said its a simple procedure.
(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then its Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then its Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and its concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping its wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)
The Doctor: (coming in from surgery) Somebody lose a ring?
Ross: Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! (He grabs the ring, kisses it, and then does a double-take realising where its been.)
Joey: H-h-h-hows the duck?
The Doctor: Hes doing just fine, hes resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.
Joey: Yeah, it is! You wouldnt have lost the ring, right? Yknow what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man.
[There was no closing scene, only a preview of the wedding.]
(She goes into the bathroom.)
Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. (Exits)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there except for Rachel and Ross, who both come storming in. Rachel is still going off about Rosss secret marriage.]
Rachel: (she goes towards the others and she's very excited) Guys, you're not gonna believe this! I was just saying goodnight to Emma and she said her first words!!
Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that Im related to Monica. How is she?
CHANDLER: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee.
Monica: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.
Mr. Geller: No! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I dont know what Im gonna do about the two of you!
Mike: Hey, Chandler, why dont we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow?
Joey: Wait up! (They both run to the bathroom.)
Rachel: Thats weird, she locked the door.
CHANDLER: Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.
Joey: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Phoebe: Ooh, the pizza guys here!
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is walking up and notices a car that is parked half on the curb and right in front of the door, making it difficult for people to enter Central Perk.]
Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?
Another Scientist: And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times before I leave a room or my family will die.
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Ross: Yeah, yeah. (opens the door) It wasnt every morning.
[cut to the living room where Mrs. Burkart is now performing.]
Joey: Yeah, yeah. I've got tons of stuff I could do. I'm gonna hit the beach, go swimming...
Ross: Uh actually Joey, its the Cretasous period.
Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!
Ross: (opening the door.) Hey!
[Scene: The rugby game, Ross is getting killed.]
Chandler: You are an amazing wife. (Monica shrugs) No really you're amazing you were actually gonna do this for me, I mean where do you find the strength and understanding over something like that.
Chandler: Shh! (To the guy behind the counter) Nice to see you again. (They tries to walk past him.)
Ross: Something couldve happened. All right? She-she really dug my slides. And-and she was definitely giving me the vibe.
Mr. Waltham: Its the Gellers!
Phoebe: Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This is not over!
Chandler: Yknow what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones.
(The whole gang enters.)
[Monica answers the door. Its Fun Bobby.]
Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
The Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, dont wrap it in a blanket that says, "Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica."
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]
Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer...
Eric: Absolutely. (They kiss and Phoebe heads for the door.) I love the way you kiss.
Rachel: Oh, please, I don't care about you enough to bug me. In fact, from now on, I'm going take the high road. And I'm going be very very nice to you, you "momma's boy", starting right now.
Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. its insane.
(The customer turns out to be )
Rachel: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane back!! (She pounds her hand on the counter twice. The ticket agent counters by placing the closed sign on the counter and tapping it twice.)
Rachel: Oh, please!Honey, just the fact that you want me here to support you, I'm...OH MY GOD!Is that Christian Sanders?He's so gorgeous!
Ross: (turning around.) Umm, uh, I was just telling the guys
JANITOR: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?
Kathy: (going over to the box) Chandler?
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Emily: I left a bra drying on the shower rod, you dont think your son will think its yours and be horribly traumatised?
[Scene: Central Perk. The four guys are returning after getting the hat back.]
Monica: Thats right. (A noise comes from the living room.) Did you hear something?
Monica: Hello? (Listens) Oh yes, one minute please. (To Phoebe) Its for you. Its the fire inspector.
Joey: Oh, heres where I win all my money back! (Gets up and heads for the buffet table with Chandler in tow.)
Rachel: Not working with me, Joe! Here's the thing: lately I have been having thoughts (pauses) musings, if you will!
Joey: (Holding a magazine) Wow! The new Playboy!
Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-Ill go to my lawyers office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth(leans down to Megs ear)Nothing!!
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
[Scene: Joey and Rachels, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
Monica: Aw, Im sorry sweetie that she doesnt feel the same way.
Phoebe: (Angrily.) Hey, were the hell have you been?!
Chandler: Oh, I think I have the cash.
Chandler: So, the fact that I am a doctor, and my wife’s a reverend, that’s important to you?
MRS GREEN: The only man I've ever been with is your father.
Monica: (Remotely turning off the television) okay, Pheebs, theyre gone.
Monica: No, that is what the game is.
Monica: (Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.
Rachel: No! No! Seriously, whats wrong with the dog?! Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?
Ross: No! No, no, no, no, okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that (point to the kid that kicked him) kids fault. Who is still laughing. Nice.
(Joey and Chandler both come into the hallway.)
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Phoebe: So, what? Monica, we have the winning ticket! My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
Joey: Oh, it was so amazing. After the (pause) love making...
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a (Does the same gibberish word from before.)
Phoebe: Hey Ross! Doesnt Ben go to the Smithfield Day School?
Monica: Well discuss it, in the morning! (Slams the door shut.)
The Vendor: Good choice.
JOEY: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.)
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Roy: Well, look - it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate the male form in all it's glory.
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?
Receptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room.
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
Chandler: so then the farmer says, "Thats not a cow and youre not milking it." (Everyone laughs.)
Chandler: Its the theme from Good Will Humping.
Chandler: Yeah, thats like the most ugliest dress Ive ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?
(Joey and Ross enter causing Chandler to quickly hide the brochure behind his back.)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Ross and Joey. Gunther hands them the bill, and Chandler gives some money to pay it.]
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
Minister: You may kiss the bride.
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake the bed.]
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them... being used.
Phoebe: (looking at the clock) Oh wow, three hours and still no baby. Ugh, the miracle of birth sure is a snooze fest.
Rachel: Oh we were, but that was just a (pause as the audience reacts), I mean that was just a big drunken mistake.