words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
Monica: Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it.
Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.)
Joey: (to the rest of the gang) Somebody help me out here!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is kneeling at the coffee table and has a bunch of pictures laid out in front of her as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Okay, I've broken them down into categories. Okay, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candids, y'know And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, oh let's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See? (Hands her the photo.)
Monica: All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one.
(She picks up the box and the bottom falls out, spilling all of the pictures onto Monica's neat little piles.)
Ross: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!
Rachel: No honey, it's okay! Listen, I'll got to Ross's and get the blender, you get all the margarita stuff ready.
Monica: All right, he's keys are in the drawer. Y'know what? I also need some cash.
Rachel: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM?
(Rachel slowly leaves the apartment.)
[Scene: Gary's cop car, Ross is in the front seat with Gary of course. Chandler is in the back seat.]
Ross: (to Gary) That was so cool man, the way you leaned on that guy.
Gary: Yeah well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative.
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Gary: It's called the cherry.
Ross: It's theChandler!!
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
[Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.]
Joey: Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the tastiness!
Joey: Okay, imagine the best sex you've ever had.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is just entering. She takes off her coat and heads for the kitchen. As she does, she knocks something off of a bookcase next to the kitchen door with her coat and it breaks.]
Rachel: Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! (She picks up the 2 pieces and looks at the stand.) Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?! (Looks for a place to hide it and finds a wall sconce and drops the pieces into it and heads into the kitchen as the phone rings.)
Monica: (on the answering machine) Rach! It's me! Pick up!
(Rachel runs over and answers the phone with the blender in hand.)
Monica: I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila.
(She hangs up the phone and starts to head back to the kitchen and notices some money lying out, stops, reaches down to pick it up, the phone rings causing her to drop it, she quickly puts it back, and heads for the kitchen.)
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
[Scene: The ride along.]
Joey: Come on man! (To Gary) Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?
Ross: Hello! I'm in the front seat, okay? I'm Gary's partner!
Ross: Umm, jealous! (He drops the cherry and it turns on.)
[Time lapse, Ross has been demoted to the back seat with Joey and Chandler. He's not too happy about it.]
Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
Monica: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?
Rachel: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesnt give us the right to erase his message!
Monica: I'm his sister, okay? I love him! I don't want to see him get hurt! Come on! Doesnt that give me the right to control himhelp him?
Rachel: I don't think he's the one who needs help.
Monica: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. (Rachel slowly turns and glares at her.) (Realizing what she just said.) Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! (Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust.) Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
Rachel: Okay, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded generally upset! I mean, listen! (She hits a button on the machine.)
[Scene: The ride along, they're all waiting outside of the witness's house and still in the car in the same places as before.]
Gary: Oh it's nothing, it just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or y'know, get your head blown off.
Gary: Okay, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Monica has all the supplies she needs and is getting ready to leave.]
Monica: Oh yeah right! (She grabs the money and shoves into her pocket.)
Monica: There's nothing we can do. You erased the message!
(The phone rings.)
Rachel: Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message.
Ross: (on the machine) Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye! (He hangs up.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the guys are returning from the ride along to find Phoebe already there.]
Ross: Pheebs, we had the most incredible night! Okay, so, we're in the car
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Gary: Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you.
Chandler: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life. (He gets up and starts for the door.)
Joey: Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day!
Chandler: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever
Chandler: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk.
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me!
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world!
Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, (He unwraps the sandwich and holds it out for Chandler) here.
Chandler: Thanks. (He grabs the sandwich.)
Joey: Yeah. With a bite! (Takes back the sandwich.) Gee-e-e-eez!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is trying to repair the thing she broke earlier, but gets interrupted by hearing Ross at the door. She panics and throws the thing into the kitchen. And runs to the couch as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Ross: Y'know, it-it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you're here. You're my friend, and you're here. Oh! (He goes over and hugs her.)
Ross: The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience!
Ross: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right?
Rachel: No, she left a message. (He starts for the machine.) (Stopping him.) But it-it kinda got erased. There's just (Pause) something wrong with your machine.
Rachel: Well, uh something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her.
Rachel: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! BecauseI'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want menot important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. (She starts for the door.) (Stops) Your decision.
Rachel: Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that?
Ross: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!
Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
(Ross hits the playback button.)
Ross: (on machine) "Hey Ross, it's you!" (Hits the stop button) Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that.
Rachel: No. (She heads for the door again.)
Ross: (looking at the coffee table where his money was) Hey umm, was-was Monica here?
Rachel: (going out the door) Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right?
Ross: I know where Joey would be. He would be down in the foxhole protecting all of us.
Chandler: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.
Phoebe: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. (Gets up) But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. (Starts to leave.) (To Joey) Not you Joey.
(Joey gets all happy with himself, while the rest of the gang is less than enthused.)
Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.
Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
(Rachel tries to stop mid-swing, and the swing starts to turn from side to side)
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and theres nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Phoebe: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is talking at the phone, Monica is listening amused.]
Joey: Is it the shampoo? Its guava.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Rachel: All right let me see. (grabs the card) Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hammel?
Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
Ross: It doesnt matter. You dont dip your pen in the company ink.
The Interviewer: So, lets talk about women. Im sure our female readers will be interested to know about your romantic life.
Monica: What are you the memory woman?
Monica: Oh, I was thinking about having people over for the game.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
(They start to look around seeing that the living room is undamaged.)
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
{Transcibers note: In case youre wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show }
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
Ross: Ok ... (they leave the room, long pause) Well, uh, Joey, I guess we have no problem.
Chandler: (Sees the picture) Oh no! No! No! No! (Monica gasps as well.)
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
Chandler: I think its great. Its great. Yknow, theyre thinking of changing the name of this place.
MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
CAROL: Nothing. Ok, everything. I think we're calling off the wedding.
Ross: So um...Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hm?
[There's a bang at the door.]
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Stage Manager: Look, we held the curtain for you buddy. Come on, lets go! Lets go!
[Cut to later, they are finishing up the pizza, theres one piece left.]
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]
Ross: (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a )
[Scene: The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.]
Joey: What? What the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge!
PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
Ross: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
Joey: Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.) Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Chandler: (laughs) Well, don�t believe everything you hear, Ken. (both turning away to files) But yeah, that�s true. Alright, let�s get started, by take a look at last quarter�s figures. (The female next to Chandler starts smoking, towards her:) Ah, Claudia, aren�t you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses� ass?
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
(Monica answers the door)
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.
Chandler: He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules.
Ross: I dont know whether hes testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Monica: Thats because he wasnt invited because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.
Ross: Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight, maybe the night. Yeah, I mean ah, the kids are gonna play together and then when they're asleep, I'm thinking Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine, and do a little "playing" ourselves.
Monica: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, Ill wear the boots. In fact, Ill go into my room right now and yknow try the outfit on.
Rachel: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldnt shut up.
(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing, which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)
Chandler: You dont have to stop having fun just because Im here. Kathy didnt cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Phoebe: What? What are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
(Just as they are about to pull away, a big, fat, bald guy pulls up in the exact same car as Ross and stops next to him.)
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
Joey: Im the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
The Guys:
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
(The man jumps out, obviously a little scared. Phoebe drives off.)
Phoebe: Yes. We're here to make a rather sizeable donation to the children.
Joey: Oh man, pizza? I like pizza. (makes like he is trying to send a telepathic message to Rachel) Put olives on the pizza.
Joey: Well y'know, Ive been walking the same way since high school. Y'know, y'know how some guys they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a take notice walk.
[Monica slams the door back shut]
Rachel: (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, Ive been waitin so long to get on that body!
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
[Three slow knocks on the door.]
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Phoebe: I guess so. (See, the brief possession didn't affect her at all, like we could really tell.)
Chandler: The bath salts! Theyre starting to effervesce! Its different. (Pause) Its interesting.
[Later, in the living room, Rachel is sitting on the couch, Ross is on the chair.]
The Fan: I have no idea what youre talking about. But I, but I just got Phoebe Buffays autograph!
Woman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button, y'know. Now, go away!
Rachel: Oh my God! (Notices the boots) Oh Monica! Those boots are amazing!
Jill: That he wouldnt pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter hes actually proud off.
JOEY: Yeah.� Maybe Michael Jordon will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
Rachel: Summer catalogue! (hands him the catalogue)
(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.)
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, the scene is continued from earlier, only Ross has dismissed the class and is now talking to Monica and Rachel.]
PHOEBE: Hey.� I'll be right back.� I've got to go to the bathroom.� (She rises and exits.)
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
ROSS: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.
Ross: About the yelling.
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
The Pastor: Could everyone please take their seats?