words in movies
[Scene: Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind it.]
Joey: Well that thing is clearing in the way! All right. Ah-ha! (He grabs a screwdriver and starts to attack the compressor, only he causes a small short circuit and shocks himself.) Ah-ah!! Damn fridge!
Joey: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, Ill take a check for the other hundred.
Chandler: Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. (Pats Joeys arm, Joey pats Chandlers shoulder, and Chandler motions for Joey to say the same about him.)
Monica: Whats the charity?
Rachel: Yeah! Its weird. But the thing is need to find a date.
Rachel: Well, someone that has his own tux, or has the ability to rent a tux.
Elizabeth: Im the student.
Ross: Oh no-no-no, were just two people who happen to run into each other here at the coffee house. (He winks at her.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is sitting at the table and Monica is doing something in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her thing.
Phoebe: My guy is a lawyer who has volunteer work. And, he has one of these (She squeezes the skin on her chin together to form )
Phoebe: Well my guy is spectacular. Okay? Hes a massage client and one time umm, when he was on the table, I looked at it. And I mean all of it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Joey: The fridge broke. I have to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limesHey, what was in that brown jar?
Joey: And I got custody of the kid, right? Now suppose the kid dies and-and I gotta buy a new kid.
(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)
Ross: (quickly jumping away from Elizabeth) Yes, professor Feesen-sen-stenlger Ill be with you in one moment. (To Elizabeth) So, I will take one box of the Thin Mints. (And he ushers Elizabeth out of the office.)
Chandler: Just tell her the truth! Tell her youre not ready.
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
Ross: What the hell are you doing?
Joey: What? What the hell am I doing? You just broke my fridge!
Joey: Oh-ho-ho, you think I dont know what breaks my fridge? Excuse me! (He opens the door and feels inside.) Well what do you know! Broken! Thatll be $400!
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
[Scene: Rosss office, hes opening the door to Elizabeth.]
(She does so, he closes the door, and she pushes him against the doorknob again.)
Ross: Whats-whats the difference?
Chandler: I can see it now, "Look dad, its the Sphinx!" (Does that party noise again.)
Ross: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" (Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean shes taken my class!
Monica: And slept with the professor.
Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandlers shocked.) What? I read that.
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you! (He does so and Rachel sits down on the couch.)
Phoebe: Rachel, what the hell is this?!
Rachel: Well, yknow what though you guys? I really appreciate that but I think Im just gonna take Sebastian to the charity.
(Sebastian returns with the coffee.)
Phoebe: Yeah, yknow what I noticed Rachel? He scares easy. Is that the kind of guy youd like to take to a ball? "Hey Sebastian, would you like to dance?" (Imitates him.) "Uhh, okayI gotta go!"
Chandler: Okay now it doesnt matter which one you choose, yknow? Its completely up to you. Our guy is perfect, or you can go out with the guy Phoebe deemed not good enough to go out with herself.
Joey: Man, she is going to have a great time! Is she staying at the Hotel Corona?
Chandler: You know the hotels?
Chandler: Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, yknow what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? (Laughs) Eldad come here! (He stands up from the next table.)
Rachel: IOhh! (Moves over and lets Eldad sit on the couch.)
Phoebe: (looks) Oh my God, youre right! I am too late; theyre sitting on the couch and talking! (To Patrick) Come on! (They go over to the couch.) Rachel?
Phoebe: Yeah, this is the guy I was telling you about.
Rachel: Im just sort of in the middle of something.
Chandler: It is the softest hair! Touch it! (Both he and Monica do so.)
Patrick: Yknow what Phoebe? This isnt really worth the free massage.
Rachel: No-no! Dont dance for me! Please? Dont! (She gets up to yell at her friends.) What is the matter with you guys?
Rachel: I Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?
Rachel: I am still talking!! And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked! I mean, no offense to you guys. Really! I mean (To Patrick) congratulations on all the cash, (He nods) and-and yknow(Feels Eldads hair)Wow! You do have very soft hair! But I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through anymore of this! Good-bye! (Grabs her stuff, starts to leave, then turns back suddenly, and to Eldad) Now do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair?!
[Scene: The airport, Elizabeths flight is about to leave and Ross is there to send her off.]
Ross: Well, if whats in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get 30, sometimes its-its get 4, and I swear to God more often than not its just milk.
(A group of about 10 guys and no women come running around the corner.)
(The guys pick up Elizabeth and carry her onto the plane as she waves bye.)
Rachel: Oh thats all right! Yknow, I ended up having a really good time. Yknow, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money and awareness.
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
(Monica opens the door.)
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Joshua: Whats up? Youre voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
(The screen fades to black.)
Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
Phoebe: (looks at the amount on the check, and gasps) Well, this is very generous!
Rachel: Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?
Ross: Thanks! (walks out of the room and starts hugging the wall) Thank you! (closes the door)
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
Joey: The country?
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Joey: The country.
Monica: From here to the airport?
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel enters the apartment.]
Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.
Monica: What are you talking about? (Pointing out the window.) She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left!
Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...
Woman: (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, Ill be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe Im sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Mike: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?
Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk)
Julie: And the spitting?
Joey: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?
Jessica Lockhart: Whats the matter Dina? Dont you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Monica: I cant believe mom and dad are selling the house!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?
(The phone rings.)
Monica: Hes got something plastic lodged in his throat, weve got to go to the hospital.
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Joey: Where are you going? The vicar wont be home for hours.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
The Doctor: But, youre not identical twins.
Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it’s in the diaper bag.
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.]
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Monica: If the school finds out youre fired.
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Chandler: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are having their party. All the guests are stripped down because of the heat.]
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Monica is lugging one of those floor polishing machines through the hallway. Rachel comes up the steps and stops when she sees Monica.]