words in movies
Ross: Wow! You look nice. What's the occasion?
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it. It's the pizza delivery girl.)
Chandler: Oh, okay. (Hands her the money.) Here you go.
(The duck starts quacking.)
Caitlin: Hey, where's the chicken?
Chandler: Oh, he's in the back. The duck pissed him off, said that eggs came first.
(He closes the door and turns to see Ross glaring at him.)
Ross: What the hell was that?!
Ross: The flirting! Aren't you supposed to be going out with, I don't know hmm, let's say my sister?!
Chandler: Okay first of all, the impression, uncanny. And second, that was not flirting, that was just casual conversation between two people. That is all.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are in the kitchen.]
Rachel: No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him.
(Ross and Chandler enter with the pizzas.)
Ross: Chandler was hitting on the hot delivery girl!
Ross: Well I'm sorry but you were! Okay? And besides if anyone should be hitting on her it's the guy who's single, the guy that who-who-who can do something about it.
Ross: Well, I-I was watching her the other day at the pizza place.
Ross: And she's just so sexy and funny and has the cutest little
Phoebe: (looking through the pizzas) Okay pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, okay Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
Joey: She's my biggest fan. Yeah, she's the only one in the family that's believed in me.
(They both start speaking Italian to each other, and since I'm not Italian and don't understand one word, we'll move on to the English portion of the show. Not, that I'm English. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I'm not. Y'know I think I should shut-up now and move on. Anyhoo, she says something about Joey being fat I think based on this line.)
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey! Happy Anniversary!
Monica: So umm, when I was in the shower I was thinking about our first night in London
Monica: Is that the one that speaks English or the one that doesn't?
Chandler: The one that doesn't.
Monica: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Phoebe: I guess so. (See, the brief possession didn't affect her at all, like we could really tell.)
Rachel: (She enters and hands Phoebe the earring) Here you go. Thank you!
Phoebe: Wait, Rach! Where's the other one?
Phoebe: Rachel Karen Green, where's the other earring?!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, look, just don't freak out, but I kinda lost it. I know it's in the apartment, but I definitely lost it.
[Time Lapse, the gang is now watching Law & Order. By the way, the entire rest of the episode takes place in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Something to think about.]
Chandler: If you said, "Big lima bean, bubbling up." Would she understand the difference?
Monica: (noticing Rachel crawling behind the couch) Rach? What are you doing?
(There's a knock on the door.)
Ross: I'll get it! I will get that! (Runs over and opens the door.)
Ross: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.
Ross: (I can't make it out.) The uh, your hair, before, your hair, you said you thought your looks like an 8-year-old's, and I'm just saying I like it. The hair.
Caitlin: Y'know, all I'm looking for is the money.
Chandler: Here you go. (Hands her the money.) Now stop bringing us pizzas you.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
Ross: Chandler was totally flirting with the hot delivery girl!
Monica: It's no big deal, I do it all the time.
Chandler: (starts to laugh, but then gets serious) So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Rachel: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Ross: All right, all right. You-you-you know what I'm going to do? I am going to order another pizza and when Caitlin gets here, you-you--I will show how well I flirt. Yeah! I will, I will get her phone number! (To Chandler) And not the one on the menu!
Rachel: Okay that is the one we already have!
Joey: Okay, here's my big scene. My big scene's here! (They have two of the cops on the street, then they cut to where they're entering an apartment.) Oh my God.
Joey: (smiling) Oh, they cut me out of the show.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's continued from before the commercial break.]
Joey: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am! (Points to the screen, of course it isn't him.)
Grandma Tribbiani: (pointing at the screen) No! Sam Waterston!
Monica: (following her) Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Rachel: It's not here Pheebs, it's not here. Ohh, I went to Joey and Chandler's last night! Okay! (Goes to the door.)
(Rachel heads for Joey and Chandler's and Phoebe heads for the kitchen to find Ross.)
[Cut to Chandler and Monica on the couch.]
Chandler: So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?
Chandler: See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Joey: (To Ross in the kitchen) All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!
Ross: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like (checks his watch) ten minutes left!
Rachel: The earring? No. But look, I found my sunglasses under the couch! I've been looking for these since like last summer. (Puts 'em on.)
Rachel: Okay, calm down, here they are. (Gives back the sunglasses.)
Monica: (entering from her room) Phoebe! (Motions for the earrings. Phoebe gives her the one-minute sign.)
Phoebe: Yeah! You're the best!
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute, I-I-I, I can't do this. Listen honey, this is, it's not Phoebe's fault. She lent me the earrings, and I lost it. I'm so sorry. Honey, I feel terrible too. (Holds out her arms for a hug.)
Ross: (running to the door) Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! (to everyone) Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting.
Rachel: Honey, you have nothing to prove. And if you really like this girl, I don't flirting is the right thing to (Ross interrupts and shushes her.)
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Ross: Okay, (gets the money) so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?
Chandler: (To Monica) If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem.
Caitlin: (wanting more than anything to get the money and leave this horrible, horrible place) Yeah.
Ross: The gas is odorless, but they add the smell so you know when there's a leak.
Chandler: Oh the humanity.
(Ross closes the door slowly.)
Ross: Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there. (Goes and sits on the couch dejectedly.)
Rachel: Okay, well, I'm gonna clear out some of these boxes. (She grabs a couple of the old pizza boxes and exits.)
[Scene: The street outside the building, Rachel is running to catch up with Caitlin.]
Rachel: Hey! Hey! (Stops Caitlin) Hi! Hey-hey-hey, I'm Rachel! From upstairs? The ones with all the pizza?
Caitlin: The guy with the gas?!
Rachel: (entering) Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is the show still on?
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Joey: (on the tape) I'm comin' out! (He opens the door and hops out pointing the gun in all directions and then runs out of view.)
(Suddenly, the tape cuts away from Joey's impromptu scene, to Chandler standing really, really close to the camera.)
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
Monica: What about these? These look the same?
Chandler: You look amazing. I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Chandler: Let me see the earrings.
Monica: Oh, honey, the earrings
Chandler: (looking at them) They look great! Does your boyfriend have the best taste or what?
Chandler: (To Ross) Thanks for picking out the earrings man.
[Rachel leaves to the balcony.]
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
Rachel: Now the filet mignon, what comes with that?
Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay. (They move to the couch.)
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! Youre at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping orOh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
[The Gellers glare at Monica.]
Joey: (pounding the table) I wanna gooooooo!
Rachel: Mon, honey youre not dying. Im just moving out. Yknow, I mean were gonna see each other all the time.
[The Gellers glare at Ross.]
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
Rachel: Phoebe, Im going to Rosss wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, Im still in love with him! I mean, hey, yknow, I like Ross as much as the next guy, yknow? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings dont mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesnt mean that-that Im still in love with him. Yknow? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love himOhh! Oh my God! Oh mywhy didnt you tell me?!!
(Theres a knock on the door and a nurse enters carrying Emma.)
Joey: Then youre not invited. (Starts for the door again.)
Chandler: (to Joey) You couldn't be cool. (he goes to the guest bedroom)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the window waving at Ross.]
Mr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
Chandler: Hey. I just, I just wanted to come over to-to say that Im sorry. Yknow? I know I acted like the biggest idiot in the world, and I can completely understand why you were so upset.
Joey: (running from his bedroom) Oh my God! I overslept! I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago! I gotta get out of here!
[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen as Chandler enters.]
Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into the 'good' ice cream)
Ross: Im so we werent in the car! Did he ever let up?
PHOEBE: (singing) I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
Cecilia: I-I-Im leaving the show?
[Scene: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade Wendy]
Chandler: Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
Ross: So uh, Emily just went to the airport.
RACHEL: Well then uh, we better make this night count. [He starts to carry her out.] Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the cappucino machine. [He carries her over to turn it off.] Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my pu rse. [He carries her to the counter to pick up her purse.] Oh, you know what. I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Phoebe: I dont know. Ooh! Ooh! Look it! (She fans out the trick deck.) Ah-ha!
Gary: (on the verge of tears) Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah that was great. That was really great! But to tell you the truth, I'm more excited about where we are right now.
The Croupier: 8!:
Ross: No! The reason Im asking is that I sorta had one last night.
Ross: The routine!
Joey: So, does that mean the audition is off?
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
Joey: Sure, yeah. Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?
Joey: What the heck is that?
[cut to the guys team.]
Rachel: Okay then! (She starts rummaging through the trash to find Kim's lighter.)
Phoebe: Yeah, because you know what, it's... it's all about the children.
Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we cant get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.
Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)
Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little Y'know, it didn't have any It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Rachel: (laughs) Youre not the man who left the cell phone.
Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.
Joey: Really? In the moment, I really wanted to kiss you too. In the moment.
Joey: But only in the moment. So do ya wanna kiss again?
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh?
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Rachel: So would I. You wouldnt think that Annie Liebawitz would forget to put film in the camera.
Joey: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
[Scene: The casino floor, Chandler and Monica are walking through it.]
Ross: I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back.
Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby.
Chandler: Okay, Im a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.
(The camera zooms in on Sarah and she has a big smile on her face.)
This is a special out takes episode. The cast and Conan are sitting around the set of Central Perk, talking about the stuff weve never seen.
Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
RACHEL: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doin' with my bra?
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. Im just gonna throw it out, its probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Chandler: I fear a jury will see it the same way!
Monica: Why cant you use the phone in here?
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Gunther: But then I'd have to go all the way around the dry cleaner place.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!
Monica: The dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. This is so exciting.
Phoebe: I know! I guess I am! Oh my god! Load up the Volvo I want to be a soccer mom!
(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Chandler: (comforting the duck) Everythings gonna be all right. Okay, Dick?
(Chandler does the weird clicky thing again.)
Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we wont be partners. So whats it gonna be?
Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...
(They exit and close the door.)
Ross: You're right! (Gives her the twenty she won.)
Kim: (to Nancy) So we talked about the (Chandler sneaks closer to her cigarette) whole presentation yesterday at lunch (Closer) and he wondered if one person would be enough (Closer) to get a take on the trip (Still closer) and I said, "Yeah, absolutely!" (She's interrupted by Chandler who has reached his goal and takes a drag from her cancer stick.)
Phoebe: Well I don't think it's very nice of you to park here, y'know you're blocking the entrance.
Joey: (interrupting) Hey! Chef Geller! Yknow that little speech you made the other day? Well I got a problem with it!
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you have what you want, youre back with Rachel. If you bring this up now youre gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.
Monica: Well no wait a minute thats not true! No, what did, that was really sweet. And it kinda works out for the best.
(Monica looks at Rachel, who gives her the thumbs up.)
Rachel: (shakes her head) Alright, alright look, just uh... just try to remember how you felt when you were in love, and think about that when you're playing the scene.
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.