words in movies
Joey: So, whos the guy?
Phoebe: Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners.
Phoebe: Yeah, hes really great though. He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am.
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and its always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year Im going to make them cry.
Monica: No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." Know what theyll say this year? "God, you"
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
Monica: Oh Im working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.)
Monica: The good stuff, huh?
Joey: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.
Ross: You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her!
Parker: Oh well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow-wow old friend, bow-wow. So wheres the party?
Monica: Its out on the island. Its in Massapequa.
Ross: Well, there is an Arbys in the shape of a tee-pee.
Monica: Okay, I got my note cards. (To Chandler) Do you got the presents?
Monica: And Ive got the car keys.
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel are arriving and see his parents.]
Rachel: Yeah, if youre going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area.
Aunt Lisa: Congratulations on the baby, and on the wedding
Rachel: (looking at the check) Unbelievable!
(The rest of the gang arrives including Parker.)
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
Chandler: I dont think the flash went off.
Parker: Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.) Im going to find the mens room, be right back.
Joey: I have to go to the bathroom too, but I dont want him complimenting my thing.
Ross: Im so we werent in the car! Did he ever let up?
Monica: He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle.
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel have just gotten another wedding present.]
Rachel: On a cliff, in Barbados, at sunset, and Stevie Wonder sang Isnt She Lovely as I walked down the aisle.
Rachel: So would I. You wouldnt think that Annie Liebawitz would forget to put film in the camera.
Ross: Would you excuse us for a second? (Pulls Rachel off to the side) Umm . what are you doing?
Rachel: What? Im not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing.
Parker: And Im with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. (Bounces the plates) What an inspired solution to mans plate dispensing problems.
Phoebe: Okay, fine! Fine! (Takes the oyster and pretends to eat it while dropping it on the floor) Mmm hmmmmm .
Chandler: Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could (Punches the air).
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
Rachel: Shhh! I want to hear the rest!
Ross: Then, Fred Astaire singing The Way You Look Tonight came on the sound system, and the lights came down. And I got down on one knee and written across the dome in the stars were the words "Will you marry me?"
Rachel: And the ring, was the size of my fist (makes a fist)!
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Joey: I know Im having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Joey: I guess it couldve been, I didnt really look at it. Yknow, I just wiped it on Chandlers coat and got the hell out of there.
Parker: Look! Its the bunny hop!
(Cut to Monica, at the microphone)
Monica: Okay its time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year Im going to do it.
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Mr. Geller: (looking at the picture) Why dont I remember this dog?
Ross: No, of course, Um Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say on behalf of my new bride, Rachel (She turns around and smiles), and myself. Umm, that if if in 35 years, were half as happy as you guys are, well count ourselves the luckiest people in the world.
Parker: Its a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst
Parker: That sounds great. (Sits down) My God this is the most comfortable couch Ive ever sat on in my entire life. (Bounces on couch)
Phoebe: Shocking! Lets play the game of who can stay quiet the longest. (Giggles)
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
Phoebe: So long! Dont let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on your way out! (He exits and she slams the door behind him.)
Parker: Isnt this the most incredible fight youve ever had in your entire life?
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Ross: But having a dove place the ring on your finger wouldve been no problem?
Ross: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks Ive ever made.
Rachel: That proposal, at the planetarium
Rachel: Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was really wonderful! Did you just make that up?
Ross: Even if the sidecar had a windscreen so your hair wouldnt get messed up?
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
(The dog returns with a ball that looks exactly like the same one Joey has.)
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their seats.]
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
MONICA: So you watched the movies huh?
Monica: Hey, see that snippy guy over there? Hes the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him.
Phoebe: Oh no. [The patented version.]
(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly.)
MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.
Ross: Okay, forward. ForwardStop! (The car moves an inch and Ross runs to the back of the car.) Okay, backStop! (The car barely moves and Ross runs back to the front.) Okay, forwardStop! Stop! Stop!
ROSS: Number six: the way you smell.
FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
Monica: I do! Im a professional chef! (The class gasps.) Oh relax! Its not a courtroom drama!
JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]
Monica: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.
Phoebe: The little jail between the doors!
Ross: (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)
Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Chandler: Well Ive been playing it for like eight hours, itll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, theyre dirty words.
Monica: (to the guys) Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
Joey: That�s the best birthday ever.
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Only Chandler is there with the videotape in his hands, standing in front of the TV set.]
Chandler: By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We dont want her to come back to bad cheesecake.
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
MONICA: Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.
Monica: Believe me, Chandler and I have not seen each other in over a week. We�ll probably be the first ones there.
Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! (They walk away from the desk.)
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
Ross: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
Chandler: Thats funny, this conversations how I got the bullet hole in my head.
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
Chandler: There is nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?
Monica: It's worse. The only thing that's getting me through is knowing that I'm gonna be seeing you soon. I think I may even try to get out of here early.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
Phoebe: (smiles) Okay! (Goes to answer the phone.)
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Ross: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating, go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win.
Chandler: Thats a mailman! Thats our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
Ross: Joey comeI cant believeI bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of natures most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
(Rachel picks up the next gift.)
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.
Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! (Grabbing the phone.) Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!
Ross: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.
(He does the ancient trick of going downstairs while behind the couch. As soon as he's out of sight, Emma starts crying.)
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
Ross: Ok, got the vent open.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Joey: No. No. No. She lives on the third floor, eighth apartment from the left.
Rachel: So why dont you just let me worry about making the trifle and you just worry about eating it, alright?
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
Joey: He should take the sack?
JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.
Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed. (Monica goes into the guest room)
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He's prying open the drawer with a crowbar to no avail. Monica, Rachel and Chandler enter.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
Ross: (to the girl sitting next to him) Hi there. How many, how many ah, did you sell?
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
MONICA: The head tilt?
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Monica: The baby shower for Phoebe!
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
MONICA: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.
Mike: No, no, we're here to give the money back.
(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the scrum.)
Phoebe: We're just... we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! (Others start to agree but she continues) OR... or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy?
Chandler: (entering) You can call off the roommate search! (To the potential roommate) Hi! Ill be living here. (Heads for the bathroom.)
ROSS: [enters] Ok, what the hell happened back there?
Mike (to the charity guy): Oh my God, I love your shirt!
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but Id bet youd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet.
[Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.]
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
JANITOR: The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?
Joey: Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh Hey! Im really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)