words in movies
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Joey: Hey! (he throws the basketball against a table again)
Ross: (he picks up the ball) What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes?? (he enters another room)
Chandler: Maybe we finish this for him! (he sits down on the sofa and he start typing on Ross' computer) "Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best sex I've ever had"... aaand SEND!
Joey: (he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!
Joey: Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands)
Ross: I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house!
Joey: (after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button)
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Chandler: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth (he goes towards the counter)
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
(Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter)
Ross: That only is not funny, it's physically impossible! Ok? Depending on the species I'd have to have a six foot long... (pause) It's not funny!!
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel and Emma are sleeping; Joey sneaks in and approaches the crib]
Rachel: (threatening Joey with a scrunchy): Step away from the crib, I have a weapon!
Joey: It's okay, it's okay Rach, it's me. Put down the scrunchy.
Rachel: Oh, oh thanks. Alright well, now that I'm up I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Joey: (placing Hugsy back in the crib) There you go sweetie... (to Emma) This isn't over.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
Monica: Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... (reads from the screen) "gay as the day is long"?
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Monica: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?
Monica: What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon!
Monica: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. (pause) Give me your phone.
(They run for Phoebe's purse, Phoebe gets there first and takes the cell. Monica tries to take it away from her)
(they fight a little, the phone falls and Monica picks it up)
Rachel: Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore.
Joey: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.
Joey: Make the transfer! (She does so)
Rachel: Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it?
Rachel: Oh, I don't think she likes the new Hugsy.
Joey: But he's the same.
Rachel: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.
Joey: But he's the same.
Joey: He's the same!
Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!
Phoebe: You know, it's a lot less surprising to do that after I've buzzed you into the building.
Monica: So Phoebe, why are there men's shoes by the door.
(Someone knocks on the door)
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
Phoebe: What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!?
Phoebe: There is a speakerphone on the base unit...
Mike: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!
Phoebe: So how's the piano playing going?
Monica: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Ross: What are you talking about? You get sixty responses just for coming out of the closet! I didn't get one response! And I'm dead!
Chandler: Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community.
Ross: oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man...
Rachel: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever (She leaves the room).
Rachel: Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. (Turns to face Emma in the the playpen) Look Emma, look who's baaack!
Joey: How do you think I got him in the first place?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment: Phoebe, Monica and Mike sitting on the couch]
(Monica is getting up from the couch)
Monica: Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it.
Mike: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.
Monica: (running back into the room) Kiss him, you fool!!
Strange man: (he bounds into the house) I knew you'd be here!
Manny: What's with the kissing?
Manny: Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing!
Monica: You didn't hear the speech!
Manny: I've heard the speech: (in a mocking voice) "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... "
Manny: (looking at the sofa) Where did they go?
(someone knocks on the door)
Ross: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner! (he hides in the bedroom and closes the door)
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)
Ross: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door)
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
Chandler: Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom)
Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
(someone knocks on the door) Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
(Chandlers opens the door. A beautiful woman stands at the doorway.)
Ross: (he bounds into the lounge room) But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people!
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Joey: Oo...what's in the bag?
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right heres the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Chandler: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin out the Chan-Chan man!
(He then straightens himself, and looks at the torte)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board and hitting the timer at random.]
Joey: (upset) Will the stable boy never get the princess??
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didnt see who it was but (He walks out and closes the door.)
Joey: You should see the treatment I get when Im with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.
Ross: Oh yeah its fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasim out of control.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse from the earlier scene.]
Rachel: Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but were gonna have to get into Mr. Zelners office. Now, he doesnt get in until 10, so hes no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Pete is entering, Monica is on roller skates.]
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!
The Singing Man: (singing, duh) Mornings here! Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the mornings here! The mornings here!
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)
Monica: Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To declare your love for one another to the world!
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: Oh, come on! Last night I was finishing off a pizza and she said (aping Amy badly) "Uoh oh oh, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!" I don’t need that kind of talk in my house!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancingOh! Take her dancing!
Rachel: Yeah, there was. It wasthere the corner of the library where-where all these dusty books that nobody ever readYes, there was.
Emily: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Ross: Im the ring bearer.
Ross: I am the guy who�s taking care of our baby while you�re out at bars meeting guys!
Chandler: Ok, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage, well I earned mineby plucking the eyebrows of my father and his �business� partners.
Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe)
Monica: (interrupting) You can not play bagpipes at the wedding!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the V book, with the salesman watching.]
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Joey: Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!
Phoebe: (getting up) Oh, for god�s sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! (everybody scared) I�m sorry, was that rude? Di-did my, my li-little outburst blunt (?) the hideousness (?) that is this evening? Look, I know, you all have a lot going on, but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. And you are all so late and you didn�t even have the courtesy to call. (her cellular rings) Well, it�s too late now.
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
(Joey stares around dumbly looking for the "talking pigeon")
Phoebe: Well, if you don't... if you don't hold it in, you don't get all the nutrients.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Ross: (grabbing the necklace) The necklace I got you was gold, this one is silver.
Phoebe: (yelling at the top of her voice) Go, go, go Alan! Run you, hairy bastard!
[Scene: Ross's Building, Joey is trying to find the hot girl's apartment. So he's walking up the hallway counting doors. He comes to what he thinks is the right one and knocks on it. Ross opens the door, it's his apartment.]
Joey: Thats okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? Its not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what theres gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like?
[Scene: A mailbox, Ross is mailing the invitations. He throws a bunch into the mailbox, but pauses with Rachel's. And it starts another round of clips.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. Its not just about the pictures.
Ross: Yeah. Everything but, the little blue one. (Holds it up for her.)
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)
Rachel: Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day?
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Estelle (ESTL) is speaking on the phone.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting behind the drums wearing safety goggles, hitting them with his sticks as Rachel watches.]
(Joey enters looking like Captain Stubing from the Love Boat.)
Chandler: Hey. (He nods at the hat.)
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Ross: The doctor says its completely normal with all the hormones. Plus, you-youre sleep deprived.
Ross: So I told Carl, Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur. But of course this went in one ear and out.....
[Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.]
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
Joshua: Thanks. (He starts to leave) Maybe Ill see in the spring, with the uh, yknow, for the uh, bathing suits.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Phoebe: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.
Ross: Oh really, really great! Yeah! A-actually shes right down the street, umm, do-do you know what? You should stop bye and say hi.
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
[a voice in the background calls for makeup]
Phoebe: (through the door, with a Scottish accent) Are you ready for your Scottish massage? Put your face in the hole, lassy.
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
Liam: Ross, come on! Get in the bloody scrum! Ross, get in!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are entering. As Phoebe is sitting down, she recognizes someone sitting at the counter.]
Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible).
The A.D: Theres no way he smells, hes the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
Monica: What is the matter with you?!! Why arent you more upset?! Arent you gonna be sad that were not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean arent you gonna miss me at all?!
Monica: There's something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the girl-baby Erica.
Phoebe: All right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)
Joey: I will be okay! Look Chandler, you gotta get it out of your head that I cant take care of myself. Okay? Look, Im not gonna miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that Im gonna miss is you. And now the dog.
Monica: Me neither! We have to get in! (She runs through the door with Chandler in tow.)
Rachel: Ross!! Are you crazy?! I am still your wife!! What, were you just never gonna tell me?!! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!! Ugh, I could just kill you!!!!
Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know its a little sudden, and its a little rushed, and its totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesnt mean I cant. Right? I mean Im-Im crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Ross: (Back to Emma) Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Monica: (noticing the bag Joeys carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?
MONICA: Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame guy posing in front of a bright blue screen with a collie.
Joey: Okay. (He grabs a jelly donut, takes a bite, and guess what he spills all over himself. He tries to clean it up and smears it all over the shirt.)
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Chandler: Freedom! I want my freedom! Why wont you here me?! (Opens the door) Sophie, help me! Help me!! (Sophie stands up)
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]