words in movies
[Scene: Ross's bedroom. Rachel is putting on her shoes as Ross shows up from underneath the covers.]
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Monica: To use the bathroom.
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)
Chandler: So, ah... Any plans for the summer?
Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Phoebe: That is the rule, though.
Joey: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
Joey: Sure, yeah. Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?
Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die...
Phoebe: (interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.
Rachel: I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.
Rachel: Uh-huh. I know. It was just, it was just the perfect way to say goodbye. (She hugs him, and Ross looks crushed.)
[Scene: The Hospital. Erica is moaning and about to give birth. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
Doctor: The baby's head is crowning.
(Monica walks down to Erica's legs to watch the birth.)
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!
Doctor: Start pushing. Here we go. Here come the shoulders...
(The baby starts crying, and the doctor holds it up.)
Doctor: Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?
Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler, on the verge of tears) Oh, we are so lucky!
(The doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another part of the room with him.)
Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly.)
Doctor: The next baby should be along in a minute.
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
[Scene: The hospital. Continued from earlier.]
Monica: (to the doctor) Wait, did you know it was twins?
Doctor: Yeah, it's here in the paperwork we got from the clinic in Ohio.
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
(They walk over to the door.)
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?! Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just like have an option on the other one?
Monica: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?
Monica: Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.
Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! I don't care if the entire cast of "Eight is Enough" comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
Ross: And then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Rachel walks up to the counter.)
Rachel: (touched) Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
(She kisses him on the cheek and looks over at the others.)
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Monica: There's something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the girl-baby Erica.
(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
Joey: It's a... It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.
(He holds up a white poster with huge red letters. It reads, "Welcome Home Baby." There is also a huge red stain on the left of the poster.)
Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
(She points at the stain.)
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
(Ross enters with a gift for the baby.)
(He sits down in the wet paint again.)
(He shows them a beautiful banner he has made. It reads, "Welcome to the World, Baby Bing.")
Joey: You know, the baby can't read, Mike!
Rachel: Hi! You guys, the car-service just got here. I can't believe they're not home yet! I have to catch my stupid plane. I wanna see the baby!
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
(They all walk over to see the baby.)
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Ross: Okay, okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?
Monica: (points at the baby she's holding) This is a boy, (points at the baby Chandler is holding) and that's a girl.
Monica: Yeah, we named the boy Jack after dad.
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the Von Trapp family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull.
Monica: I'm just so glad you got to see the babies.
(She pulls him over to the door.)
(They hug as Phoebe and Joey stare at the two of them.)
Joey: Hey, maybe that's for the best.
Joey: Yeah. You know? You just... Look, you gotta... You gotta think about last night the way she does, okay? Maybe, maybe sleeping together was the perfect way to say goodbye?
Ross: I don't know, but I.. Look, even if she shoots me down, at least I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened. Where - where is my coat?!
Phoebe: You didn't bring one! My cab's downstairs, I'll drive you to the airport.
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Phoebe: That's okay. If - if we hit anything, the engine will explode, so you know, it's better if you're thrown from the car.
(A guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)
Man: Hey! The law says you have to accept any fare.
Phoebe: My medallion number is, "Get out of the cab!"
Ross: (screaming) Get out of the cab!
Phoebe: Get out of the cab!
(The man jumps out, obviously a little scared. Phoebe drives off.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, packing the last boxes.]
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
Ross: Are we off the bridge?
Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
Phoebe: (screaming) Toll-booth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the glove compartment.
(Phoebe tries to throw some quarters out the window, but she has forgotten to open the window, and she and Ross scream.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds.]
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, they must have jumped off the table, 'cause now they're gone!
Monica: Actually, I'm gonna go check on the twins.
Monica: I'm sorry, I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.
(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)
(They realise that the birds are in the foosball table.)
Joey: Oh! They're in the table!
Chandler: Oh, tons, I'm quite the woodsman.
Joey: Well, maybe we can just tip the table a little.
Chandler: Joey, wait! The ball!
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
Chandler: I know! It's.. It's the foosball table.
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Ross: To talk to Rachel, isn't that why we took a ride in the death-cab?
Phoebe: What? What are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?
(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a group of old people who are walking very slowly.)
[Scene: The gate. Rachel walks up to the man at the gate and gives him her passport.]
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe come running.]
Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
Ticket agent: And the destination?
Ross: I don't care. Whatever is the cheapest.
[Scene: The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass.]
(She runs up to the gate and the gate attendant standing there.)
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Phoebe: Maybe we have the flight-number wrong. God.
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Monica: Oh my God! Ross, you wouldn't believe the cute little noises the twins are making. Listen.
(She holds the phone down to the twins.)
(She holds down the phone to the twins again.)
Ross: Yes, that's what I have. It's not on the board.
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are still trying to get the birds out of the foosball-table.]
(Joey picks up a hammer and a crowbar and gets ready to destroy the table.)
Chandler: What's the matter?
Joey: I need to say goodbye to the table first.
Chandler: I don't know. Except that, for one last time... (he touches the players as he says the following) Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game, good game.
Joey: Yeah, they're stuck inside the table!
(Monica grabs the hammer and the crowbar and gets ready to bust it open.)
Ross: I am not doing this over the phone.
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell-phone rings.)
Phoebe: Rachel? Oh, good. Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?
Phoebe: (To Ross) For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the right airport.
Phoebe: Uhm, actually no. No, you've... You have to get off the plane.
Phoebe: I have this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong with the left Philange.
Rachel: Oh, honey, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane.
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Rachel: Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left Philange.
(The passenger stands up and gets his suitcase from the overhead compartment.)
Passenger #1: I have to get off this plane, okay? Her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left Philange.
Passenger #2: What's wrong with the plane?
Air stewardess: There's nothing wrong with the plane.
Passenger #1: Yeah! The left Philange!
(Everybody walks out of the plane.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Joey: Yeah, you didn't even use the tools for most of it!
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
Chandler: Sorry about the table, man.
Chandler: You know, I - I think you're set with the poultry.
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
[Scene: The gate at the airport. The passengers are standing in line, and they're about to board the plane again.]
Gate attendant #2: Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.
Passenger #2: And you fixed the Philange?
Gate attendant #2: Yes, the Philange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of extra Philanges onboard, just in case.
(Rachel walks up to the gate. Cut to Ross and Phoebe who come running up to the gate.)
(Rachel comes back to the gate.)
Ross: Okay, the thing is..
Gate attendant #2: Miss? Are you boarding the plane?
Rachel: I - I have to get on the plane.
(She boards the plane.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, he talked to her, but she got on the plane anyway.
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things... And... And now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Excuse me?
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) Miss? Please, sit down!
Rachel: (on the answering machine) I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I need to tell someone that I love love them.
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.
Ross: Let her off the plane!
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off...
(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)
Ross: No! No! Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: I got off the plane.
Ross: You got off the plane.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
(Two other men are rolling the big white dog out of the apartment.)
Monica: If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)
Rachel: (crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
THE END
Monica: Well Thats not the only time this was an issue. You remember when umm, you spent Thanksgiving with us? You called me fat.
Cowgirl: (interrupting) Can I just have the candy?
PHOEBE: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities.
Ross: Well sure. But I get married all the time so
Chandler: So how come Richard's selling the place? Went bankrupt? Medical malpractice? Choked on his own moustache?
Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)
Monica: No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden Theater!
(Both Phoebe and him are singing along and they get to the chorus.)
Rachel: Just so you know... With us... it's never off the table. (she enters her room and closes the door.)
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude]
Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
(Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter)
Mr. Geller: We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house.
Roy: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed ... I dunno... like a billion stairs... It's not like I can take them two at a time!
[Scene: Dr. Longs Office, Ross and Rachel are waiting for the doctor. Ross is drumming his fingers on the bed.]
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
Airline Employee: (grabbing the ticket from him) Sir, this is not a first class ticket. Im sorry.
Joey: Hey-hey, youre startin to sound like the butchers wife there in-in chapter seven.
(Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachels standing and hes sitting down and hes not looking at her face You get the picture.)
[Scene: The playground. Ross put Emma on the swing and they’re ready to play]
Monica: Im gonna go across the hall to check on the yams.
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gangs putting their coats on to leave.]
Joey: Hey, want a beer? (Hands him a beer and sits down in one of the chairs.) (Jumping up.) WHOA!!!!
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Ross: Youre weird today. (He turns to Rachel and Joey puts the ring back.) (To Rachel) Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something.
Rachel: I did but she doesnt think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
(While they are both pushing the painting towards each other, Phoebe enters)
[Another series of flashbacks begins with Episode 413: The One With Rachels Crush, Joey is telling Rachel and Phoebe how he picks up women.]
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Rachel: Ugh, it was horrible! And-and the interview part went so well, y'know? I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, "Well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets!" (She starts laughing; Chandler and Joey are not amused.) Trust me, it was actually, it was very funny. Anyway, so we were saying good-bye and ugh!
Gert: Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it.
Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says ) Oh no.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Rachel: Uh, Im just, Im just looking out your window. At-at the view. What are you guys doing?
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Joey: What? No, no, no! No, no... no... no, no... No, too much is changing, okay? First, Phoebe getting married (to Phoebe) Congratulations! (pointing to Monica and Chandler)... and then these two move into a stupid house in the stupid suburbs...
(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
Joey: I don't know, but one of the extras sure did! (pause) Hey, listen Rach. Thanks again for coming down to watch my scenes!
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now were like this-this couple that fights.
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Oh, hey, dont you have to go pick up Emily?
CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty.
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Phoebe: (seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, its 0-Dark:30, in other words its really, really early. Everyones asleep, and all through the apartments not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the chick, who turns out to be a rooster and is crowing in the sun. Needless to say, this awakens Monica and Rachel who rush into their living room, searching for the cause of the sound.]
Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.)
Joey: How are ya? How are ya? Where are your babysitters, huh? Why's the bedroom door closed?
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.)
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, Ill show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didnt see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, Ill slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
[Scene: The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.]
The Security Guard: Come on, lady! (Starts to escort her out.)
Ross: Okay, Phoebe just-just get-get on the bike andHey! Ill hold you up and-and push you. Okay?
[they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and turns on the lights]
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
(An 80's Rachel and fat Monica walk into the party room. Both with funny hair-do's and clothes)
[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross is taking a picture of a plant, Chandler a fork. The band stops.]
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
Monica: Alright, I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Ross: Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference?
Ross: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So Im gonna show her how tough I really am!
(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and
Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the wall and they begin to kiss.)
Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Joey: Oo...what's in the bag?
Chandler: Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right heres the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Chandler: Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin out the Chan-Chan man!
(He then straightens himself, and looks at the torte)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board and hitting the timer at random.]
Joey: (upset) Will the stable boy never get the princess??
Joey: About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didnt see who it was but (He walks out and closes the door.)
Joey: You should see the treatment I get when Im with that car! People are friendly; they-they wanna talk, and not just about the car! One guy gave me advice about my equity investments.
Ross: Oh yeah its fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasim out of control.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse from the earlier scene.]
Rachel: Okay, I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but were gonna have to get into Mr. Zelners office. Now, he doesnt get in until 10, so hes no problem, but his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Pete is entering, Monica is on roller skates.]
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!
The Singing Man: (singing, duh) Mornings here! Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the mornings here! The mornings here!
Joey: Oh, good to know. (The interviewer leaves.) So close!
Phoebe: Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!
(She lets her hair down and whips her hair around in Baywatch-esque slow motion with a Barry White song in the background. Chandler needless to say cant help but stare along with the rest of the male and lesbian population of North America.)