words in movies
Rachel: Ok! Can't believe I'm risking this again, but you're on! All right Joe, you remember the rules! Heads I win, tails you lose.
Rachel (she flips the coin): Ha, tails!
(Chandler and Monica enter the room)
Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it.
Rachel: I know... Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom, this is Emma's Paris stuff, these are the boxes that I'm having shipped, and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane...
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica are talking about the baby, and Monica is rubbing Erica's tummy.]
Erica: No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand is kind of blocking the part where the baby is gonna come out.
(She takes her hand off Erica. Ross enters the room)
Monica: Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors and get settled into the hotel.
Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product...
Monica: Oh, I know. I know. Hey, you know, you can take it if you want! The lease is still in Nana's name.
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
(Ross takes the tape roll she's handing him and walks to the guest room while mocking Monica's voice)
[Scene: Guest room. Joey has his head wrapped in bubbled wrap and Chandler is punching him. Ross enters the room.]
Monica (enters the room): Are, are you kidding? This is packing?
Chandler: Jumping on the bed?
Ross: You got it! (Monica leaves, Ross closes the door). All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. (He grabs a bag of styrofoam peanuts) Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him!
Chandler: No, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey you pack 'em and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs.
(Joey takes the bubble wrap off his head)
Chandler: (holding a pair of furry handcuffs) What the hell is this?
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe and Ross enter the room.]
Phoebe (watching the food on the table): Wow, this is quite a spread! (pause) What is all this stuff?
Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So, enjoy: smoke oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange.
Joey: (entering the room) Hey.
(Rachel enters the room)
Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again!
Rachel: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here (they go into the guest room).
Joey: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching.
[Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.]
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
Phoebe: It's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it, so that if they perfect the cloning process while you are over there, you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs!
Rachel: I'm gonna throw this away, but thank you so much for the gesture!
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The living room.]
Monica: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these (she holds the furry handcuffs) on my pillow.
(Phoebe and Rachel enter the living room.)
Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed. (Monica goes into the guest room)
Ross: Oh, man, I'm not going to be able to handle this. (pause) Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations.
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.]
Rachel: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me...
Rachel: (starts crying and speaking at the same time, making it almost impossible to understand what she's saying) I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do without you...
Monica: (having the same problem) You're the best friend I ever had.
[Scene: Back to the living room. Monica and Rachel enter and hug each other. The guys see this.]
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
Chandler: (to Rachel) Uh, Rach... I think I have something that belongs to you. (shows her the cuffs)
Rachel: Well, I think you're forgetting the kinkiest former resident of that room.
Phoebe: (from the other side of the room) Yeah!
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Chandler and Rachel.]
Chandler: Ooh, not so tight... (blows raspberry, and the hug ends) I'm sorry, just give me one more chance.
[Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.]
Monica: You cried yesterday at the six o'clock news.
Ross: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. (looking out to the balcony) Why are they taking so long?
(Rachel and Joey hug, and Rachel turns to enter the apartment through the side window again. At that moment Joey tries to climb over the edge of the balcony.)
(Rachel rushes back and pulls Joey back onto the balcony, and takes him inside.)
(She leaves the apartment and they all stare at Ross)
Ross: THE HELL I DO!
Ross: Oh no, maybe it's me, I'm just not giving you enough credit. Uh, I mean it is difficult to say goodbye to five people. Uh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, good... (makes choking noises) IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. You know what? After all we've been through, I can't believe this is how you want to leave things between us. Have a, have a good time in Paris. (He leaves the apartment. Rachel looks kind of desperate.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. The others are still there.]
Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.
Chandler: (to Joey) You couldn't be cool. (he goes to the guest bedroom)
Monica: Okay, we're gonna start in the kitchen. Plates get put into plate protectors and stacked ten to a box. The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it?
Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them... being used.
Monica: Oh my God! Let me see. (they all look at the pictures)
(Erica, the pregnant girl, enters)
Phoebe: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital.
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.)
Joey: A little more, a little more. (she stuffs some more down his pants and Joey's assesses the how many there already are in there.) A little more... All right. Okay, all right, let's do this.
(she knees him in the crotch. He jumps up a bit)
Joey: (in pain) Doesn't work... (he falls down on on his knees with his head on the floor)
THE END
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)
CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]
Monica: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out!
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
Ross: Hello to the rest.
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
Rachel: Oh god what am I gonna do you guys, I cant even comfort my own baby! Im the worst mother ever!
Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.
Joey: I dont know, it looks the same.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's having his party, only he's the only guest. He gets up and puts on a nametag that says Ross, but doesn't quite like it. So he takes it off and puts on one that says Dr. Geller and he puts the Ross one underneath the Dr. Geller one. Then as he turns off the music, we hear the party for Howard raging in the apartment across the hall.]
David: The good thing about the young kids though, theyre completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an actor to respond with. But there was one story
Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Jack: I know what you're thinking Judy, the resemblance is uncanny!
Phoebe: Would you say your pesto is the best-o?
Chandler: Oh, tons, I'm quite the woodsman.
Joey: Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!
Rachel: Hi. Thanks for the party, honey. Should I help you clean up?
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is all there.]
Rachel: I'm on the phone! (On the phone) Dr. Wiener? (Ross and Rachel walk away)
Ross: You want me to take some girl Ive never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
[Scene: The New School, Monica, carrying her dish, and Joey are confronting the food critic.]
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Amy: So you're going to give me the baby?
Ross: Oh okay, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! (She gets it lifted up and they make the first turn.) Okay. You got it?
Joey: Oh, let me get this. (He takes out his wallet, but the panties come with it. The woman and waitress are shocked.) (Realizing) (To the woman) These are for you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Whats up? (Sees the TV) Oh my God! What am I doing?!!
[Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.]
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again.
Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city?
(They start kissing again and when Joey grazes, she slaps him three times, on the hand, and on both cheeks)
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!
(He throws his piece back in the box, runs into the living room, looks for a place to hide the pizza, finds one, slides the box under the couch, sits down on the table, and tries to quickly chew the food in his mouth.)
(The others have been taking all this in.)
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)
Rachel: Okay. Ah, well well just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, (she tries to take the book away from him but he doesnt want to let it go) and you will read Little Women.
The Salesman: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias?
Phoebe: No-no, oh, Im fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brothers throat!
Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.
Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.
Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, yknow? I can get out, "Joey, I have too " but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, " go to the bathroom." He may think Im sick.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'
Chandler: Yeah I gotta say thank you, I was really nervous. Yknow Ive been told I come on to strong, make to many jokes, and then it was really hard to sidestep that duty thing. (The interviewer doesnt understand) Duties. (Still doesnt.) Duties! (Still doesnt.) Poo. (Still doesnt.)
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
[Scene: The beach house, Joey and Chandler are sitting at the dinner table, Monica is looking in the fridge.]
Pete: Lights. (The lights turn on, once again theyre too bright.) Uh, romantic lights. (The lights dim.)
Monica: That kid really kicked me hard on the plane.
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
PHOEBE: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
Monica: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto. (Look, Ross, Marcel's got the remote.)
Ross: Watch. (he takes the laptop) Here, you ehm... You highlight the word you want to change. Go under Tools and the Thesaurus generates... 'gives'... 'gives' a whole list of choices. You can pick the word that sounds smartest.
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)
Mike: I'm gonna go. (He kisses Phoebe on the cheek)
Ross: I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house!
Amy: Oh. Yeah. Well.. You didn't come see me when I was in the hospital when I was getting my lips done.
[cut to a montage of scenes involving Bonnie, Ross, and Rachel from the last episode.]
MONICA: Hide the Lamp.
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
The Girls: Woo-hooooo!!!!
Chandler: So, well do the rest of the bills later then?
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
(The Lion Sleeps Tonight starts to play. Marcel starts to dance.)
Chandler: I am your friend, and I am not gonna let you do this!! (Ross is now dragging Chandler and the foosball table to the door) You are surprisingly strong!
Ross: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.
Dr. Li: Well, I believe that the answers lie in the osteological evidence. I plan to begin there.
Phoebe: Why, so he can get mad at the baby?
Monica: (entering) Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding? (They ignore her.) Guys?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Rachel: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesnt need to be; shell still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.)
Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
Monica: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some serious poker?
Emily: If anyone asks, well just say Ben addressed them. (Looking through the envelopes.) Oh! So you invited Rachel then?
Chandler: Well, what did the police say?
Ross: Oh. (He takes the picture and hugs her.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
(The guys all duck under the table.)
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.
Chandler: (Pause) No. No, I-I was, I was talking about the book I was reading.
Joey: Oh, were having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.)
Joey: Uh-uh nothing. I-I-I-I didn't want you to touch me cause I'm -I'm all sweaty from the workout. I better hit the shower. (Goes into the bathroom and comes back out quickly) Oh my God!
Monica: 007 gets all the ladies.