words in movies
Chandler: How did the job stuff go?
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (we see Ross stare in disbelief)
Joey: What? No, no, no! No, no... no... no, no... No, too much is changing, okay? First, Phoebe getting married (to Phoebe) Congratulations! (pointing to Monica and Chandler)... and then these two move into a stupid house in the stupid suburbs...
Ross: Do you think if the Ralph Lauren people offered her her old job back, she would take it?
Chandler: Is this the best way to use one of your three magic wishes?
Monica: You mean the guy who kept calling you Ron?
Monica: Hey Phoebe. Hey, tell me what you think. All right. The house next door to the one that we're buying in Westchester? Just went on the market. I wanna take a look at it, but Chandler doesn't.
Phoebe: Yeah, last Saturday. Wow! She was the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic. (Chandler and Monica look puzzled) Oh, wait a minute, I read the wrong one.
Chandler: I know. *He* always wanted to be the first black man to cross the Atlantic.
Phoebe: Well, we cannot tell Joey about this. He's already flipping out about everything that's changing. This will push him over the edge.
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
[Scene: Ralph Lauren. Mr Zelner's office. Ross knocks on the door and enters.]
Ross: Yeah, I'm a friend of Rachel Green's. Uhm, actually we met at the Christmas party about two years ago.
Ross: I see... Thanks very much. (he gets up and walks to the door. On his way out he looks at the photographs Mr Zelner has near his door. He picks one up.) Is this your son?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants. (Mr. Zellner looks shocked). I just heard it as you must have heard it and that’s not good. Let me start again. I’m a paleontologist, you’ll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones… fossils!
Mr Zelner: Well, I guess having Rachel back wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe’s reading, Joey has just entered the room]
Phoebe-Estelle: I guess I dropped the ball there. Whoopsie!
Joey: That’s it? You know, it seems all you do lately is drop the ball.
Phoebe-Estelle: Don’t take that tone with me. Who you think you are? Alan Lemond, the first black man to fly solo across the Atlantic?
Joey: I’m saying that… (pause). This isn't working for me anymore, ok? Estelle, you’re fired. Goodbye. (he hangs up the phone).
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Rachel’s there and Ross enters the room with a stuffed dinosaur]
Rachel: When the Louis Vuitton people found out that Ralph Lauren wanted me back, the offered me more money! Isn’t that great?
[Scene: house next to the one the Bings are moving into. Chandler and Monica knock, a lady opens the door.]
Monica: Ours is so much better! This living room is smaller, the dining room looks like a cave! What a hole!
Lady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.
Lady: Oh, the woman upstairs is very nice. She and her husband have two kids, he's on Wall Street and she…
Phoebe: Because patience is the road to understanding (she thinks) which ... is the key... to a happy heart.
[Scene: The house Monica and Chandler are viewing. Janice comes down the stairs.]
Monica: No, actually, we're buying the house next door. (Janice gasps)
Janice: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! (Chandler and Monica are utterly shocked) Ellen, we're going to talk numbers. (Grabs Ellen by her elbow and pulls her outside)
Monica: Okay, the realtor said another couple made an offer. Maybe the Janice's won't get it! Maybe the other couple will.
Chandler: The only way that that is going to happen, is if the other couple are the Hitlers.
Chandler: That is a great idea! And by the way, I don't mean to sound distasteful, but when did you start crapping money!?
Chandler: Will we love it so much with her next door? And she's gonna be louder out here too. Just the crickets and (apes Janice's voice) "Oh My God"!
Monica: Okay, but if we don't get this house, she's stil gonna show up wherever we go! I mean, at least if she's here, it eliminates the element of suprise. I mean, never again will you have to hear the three words that make your balls jump back up inside your body. (She shows this with her index finger, mimicking it pushing something up)
Chandler: (looks afraid, but at the same time, knows she's right) Well, we have to do something. We can't have her living next door. (Janice's laughs loudly outside) Oh, that does it too. (Motions with his index finger like Monica did)
[Scene: Mr. Zellner's office. There is a knock on the door.]
Mr Zelner: (Takes a long look at the egg while he considers it) Wow, that's pretty cool (Takes the egg from Ross)
Ross: Oh, (grins) Believe me, the ladies, they love it!
Ross: Good, 'cause the ladies, not so much. (shakes his head, give him a thumbs up and leaves)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)
Joey: No, no, no! (Starts looking around the room, terrified) Don't drop by, don't drop by!
Phoebe: (Looks around) It's alright. Look kiddo, I gotta go. Good luck with the career. You're gonna be huge.
Joey: Thanks for everything Estelle. Bye. (Hangs up and reads the phone display) "out of area". Boy, I'll say.
[Scene: The house next door to Chandler and Monica's new house. Chandler is pacing worriedly through the living room when Janice enters.]
Chandler: The Hitlers will be so disappointed.
Chandler: Don't say that. Don't tangle the dream and take it away.
Janice: Although, maybe just... one last moment of weakness... (she kisses Chandler flat on the mouth. Chandler squirms. When she's finished, he looks at her lovingly but uneasily.) Goodbye Chandler Bing. (She leaves)
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
Rachel: (hesitant) Ye-ah. Yeah! You know, the money's great. It's certainly the easier choice...
Rachel: Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely... Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine. I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can... (she sits down, and Ross who is stunned to hear all this follows her example)
Ross: (picks up a skull of some carnivore from his side table and puts it in the same bag in which he brought the pterodactyl egg to Zelner) I'm sure he'll understand.
Joey: Thank you all for coming. We're here today to pay respects to a wonderful agent and a beautiful woman... (Joey looks at the photograph) ..inside. As Estelle's only two clients we would like to say a few words. (Joey looks for his notes. The man next to him is chewing something.) Dude, where's my speech? (the man swallows something and looks at Joey.) That is entertaining. Al Zebooker everybody. (he applauds and Al shows that there's nothing left in his mouth.)
THE END
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
(The dog returns with a ball that looks exactly like the same one Joey has.)
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their seats.]
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
MONICA: So you watched the movies huh?
Monica: Hey, see that snippy guy over there? Hes the one who decides who gets up on the platform. We should go dance by him.
Phoebe: Oh no. [The patented version.]
(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica just freezes and turns around slowly.)
MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.
Ross: Okay, forward. ForwardStop! (The car moves an inch and Ross runs to the back of the car.) Okay, backStop! (The car barely moves and Ross runs back to the front.) Okay, forwardStop! Stop! Stop!
ROSS: Number six: the way you smell.
FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
Monica: I do! Im a professional chef! (The class gasps.) Oh relax! Its not a courtroom drama!
JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]
Monica: Yeah, just like the one in the poem.
Phoebe: The little jail between the doors!
Ross: (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)
Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Chandler: Well Ive been playing it for like eight hours, itll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, theyre dirty words.
Monica: (to the guys) Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
Joey: That�s the best birthday ever.
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Only Chandler is there with the videotape in his hands, standing in front of the TV set.]
Chandler: By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We dont want her to come back to bad cheesecake.
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
Gunther: Okay, but the moneys good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
Chandler: But the Kit-Kats are all right?!
MONICA: Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.
Monica: Believe me, Chandler and I have not seen each other in over a week. We�ll probably be the first ones there.
Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross! (They walk away from the desk.)
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
Ross: Yes, but I did make a pyramid out of the bath products. This is amazing, thank you, thank you so much. (he leans in, and they look at each other for a moment) That's a pretty necklace.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
Chandler: Thats funny, this conversations how I got the bullet hole in my head.
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
Chandler: There is nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?
Monica: It's worse. The only thing that's getting me through is knowing that I'm gonna be seeing you soon. I think I may even try to get out of here early.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
Phoebe: (smiles) Okay! (Goes to answer the phone.)
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Ross: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating, go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win.
Chandler: Thats a mailman! Thats our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
Ross: Joey comeI cant believeI bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of natures most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
(Rachel picks up the next gift.)
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.
Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! (Grabbing the phone.) Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!
Ross: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.
(He does the ancient trick of going downstairs while behind the couch. As soon as he's out of sight, Emma starts crying.)
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
Ross: Ok, got the vent open.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Joey: No. No. No. She lives on the third floor, eighth apartment from the left.
Rachel: So why dont you just let me worry about making the trifle and you just worry about eating it, alright?
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
Joey: He should take the sack?
JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.
Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed. (Monica goes into the guest room)
(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He's prying open the drawer with a crowbar to no avail. Monica, Rachel and Chandler enter.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
Ross: (to the girl sitting next to him) Hi there. How many, how many ah, did you sell?
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
MONICA: The head tilt?
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Monica: The baby shower for Phoebe!
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
MONICA: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.
Mike: No, no, we're here to give the money back.
(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the scrum.)
Phoebe: We're just... we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! (Others start to agree but she continues) OR... or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy?
Chandler: (entering) You can call off the roommate search! (To the potential roommate) Hi! Ill be living here. (Heads for the bathroom.)
ROSS: [enters] Ok, what the hell happened back there?
Mike (to the charity guy): Oh my God, I love your shirt!
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but Id bet youd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet.
[Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.]
(They do the lame cool guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
JANITOR: The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?
Joey: Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh Hey! Im really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)