words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang, except Rachel, is watching a new singer.]
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, shes more..(shakes his shoulders, like hes dancing) y'know, and youre more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)
(The gang all looks at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh no, one of those look for the hidden meaning songs.
Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....
Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. Id like know whether thats several big fish or just one big fish.
Phoebe: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, yknow. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a tissue, please?
[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]
Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called wait until the last moment before I burst and die.
(The door opens.)
Chandler: Jeez, man did you fall..(sees its a beautiful woman coming out of the mens room) Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?
Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldnt wait. I left the lid up for ya though.
Chandler: (to Gunther) Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, Im-Im talking to ah, (tries to get her to say her name). (to her) This is the part where you say your name.
Ginger: Dont you have to use the bathroom?
Chandler: Nope, nope, Id just ah, Id rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gangs putting their coats on to leave.]
Joey: Ah, he cant make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh! (hides behind the coat rack.)
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Ginger: Joey I can see you okay? Youre hiding behind the coats.
Ross: Come on sweetie! Youve had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?
(Ross is shocked, but Rachel drags him out of the office.)
Phoebe: Oh. (takes her beeper puts in a pot, covers it, and puts the pot in the oven)
Phoebe: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. Thats the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!
Phoebe: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together.
Monica: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) the movie star.
Joey: Aww, man. Thats the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out hes my roommate, shes gonna tell him what I did.
Joey: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I cant, I cant tell you that, its like the most awful, horrible thing Ive ever done my whole life.
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!
Monica: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Chandler: Well, thats the best kiss Ive had with anyone Ive ever met in a mens room.
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didnt mind.
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, its-its not the lecture ah, I mind, umm....
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
Leslie: (singing) My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Dont care what people say. My feets best friends, pals to the end. With them Im one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I....
Phoebe and Leslie: (singing) Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, always make me smile. Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, next time Ill.... avoid the..... pillleeeee.
[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]
Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, Id be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
[Scene: The lecture, Ross is passed out against Rachels shoulder.]
(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing, which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]
Monica: Sounds like shes got the ah, whole package.
Chandler: Joey told you about the leg, huh?
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldnt have, but it did. I mean I like her, I dont want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like Hey, y'know what, wheres your leg? I mean Im the smallest person in the world arent I? Im the smallest person in the world.
Chandler: (to Monica) Actually hes the smallest person in the world.
Joey: (to Chandler) Heard about the leg burnin huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are getting back from the lecture.]
Ross: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.
Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
Ginger: Its okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is: How much it bothers you? because I dont like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time?
Ginger: Ah well, its nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, Ill see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
Leslie: Come here, come here. (they go to the side of the stage) Okay, dont get mad, okay.
Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.
Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we wont be partners. So whats it gonna be?
Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Dont change your kitty, change your kitty litter.
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang except Chandler is there.]
Chandler: The doctor.
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didnt think of it. Why didnt I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Chandler: (To Ross) No, thats okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way its okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if Im sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
(Monica opens the door.)
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Joshua: Whats up? Youre voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
(The screen fades to black.)
Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
Phoebe: (looks at the amount on the check, and gasps) Well, this is very generous!
Rachel: Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?
Ross: Thanks! (walks out of the room and starts hugging the wall) Thank you! (closes the door)
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
(The director pushes the Tall Guy away)
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
Joey: The country?
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Joey: The country.
Monica: From here to the airport?
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel enters the apartment.]
Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.
Monica: What are you talking about? (Pointing out the window.) She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left!
Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...
Woman: (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, Ill be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe Im sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Mike: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?
Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk)
Julie: And the spitting?
Joey: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?
Jessica Lockhart: Whats the matter Dina? Dont you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Monica: I cant believe mom and dad are selling the house!
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?
(The phone rings.)
Monica: Hes got something plastic lodged in his throat, weve got to go to the hospital.
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Joey: Where are you going? The vicar wont be home for hours.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
The Doctor: But, youre not identical twins.
Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it’s in the diaper bag.
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.]
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Monica: If the school finds out youre fired.
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Chandler: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are having their party. All the guests are stripped down because of the heat.]
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Monica is lugging one of those floor polishing machines through the hallway. Rachel comes up the steps and stops when she sees Monica.]