words in movies
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
Rachel: No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.) Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Monica: (entering, carrying a newspaper) Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section
Monica: Look at this. (Hands him the newspaper.)
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Monica: I cant believe mom and dad are selling the house!
Phoebe: I cant believe I still dont know what happened to the window in the attic!
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
Chandler: (knocking on the window while outside) Sorry! (Runs off.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is examining the injury to Rosita while Rachel is apologizing to him.]
Rachel: Okay, come onJoey, Ill buy you a new one! All right? Well go down to the store right now and well-well get you a new chair.
(Rachel turns for the door and makes the "Wow!" face.)
Joey: Yeah, I (Shuts off the TV.) I dont want Stevie to see her like this.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Monica: Oh thats a great idea. Youre really good on the phone.
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Supervisor: So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Phoebe: Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I love my office.
Phoebe: Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please?
Supervisor: Im the supply manager.
Phoebe: Oh okay, well Im sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the phone.) Yeah youre right, this is easy.
Supervisor: Theyre always going to tell you they dont need toner, but thats okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Ross: Dad, we-we cant believe youre selling the house.
Mr. Geller: Well, its time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Monica: Oh, thats okay, I cant wait to see everything again! All of the memories
Mr. Geller: Well, I dont know whats in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Mr. Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.
Mr. Geller: Yknow how the garage floods every Spring?
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is hard at work.]
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies Id like to talk to you about your toner needs. (Shes reading from the script.)
(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]
Earl: Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. Ive been talking to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no ones even looked up from their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh, Im gonna kill myself! (Theres no response; no one even looks up.) Ill get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge! (Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.
Chandler: My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! (He runs out the door, grabs the back of Rosita, and we can hear Joey and Rachel talking as they are coming up the stairs. Neither of them have reached the landing yet.)
(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I dont like! Its not the same thing!
(Chandler throws the back of Rosita into his apartment and quickly starts pushing the base into his apartment.)
Rachel: Well look, if you dont like this (The audiences laughter at Chandlers progress cuts out the rest of Rachels line.)
(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Rachel: Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Yknow, start the heeling process?
Joey: Well, I guess youre right. Maybe, maybe Ill take her down to the incinerator. Its gonna be so said, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesnt come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) Shes heeled!
Rachel: Thats right Joey, the chair angel came in and heeled your chair. (She sits down in the chair.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Ross: Dad that wont matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Mr. Geller: Well I dont know, I-I suppose we may have favored you unconsciously, you were a medical marvel! The doctor said your mother could
(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monicas new boxes.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Rachel: (grabbing a beer out of the chairs fridge) I am so psyched I kept this chair for myself!
Rachel: Hey, hows hows the uh, miracle chair?
Rachel: Yeah? Wow! Yknow, that this thing has speakers in the headrest!
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Phoebe: Earl, youre not hearing me! All Im saying is that youre not alone all right? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didnt mean him.)
Earl: No! Thats just the "Hey Guy" guy. He says that to everybody! Hes the worst! Id like to take him with me!
Phoebe: All right so Earl, lets just forget about the people at the office, okay? There-theres gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?
The "Hey Guy" Guy: Hey guy!
Supervisor: (walking by and overhearing that) (to the rest of the staff) The new girls good.
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating Monicas memories as Monica enters.]
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Mr. Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. Im sorry.
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Mr. Geller: Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the Porsche.
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines, has a rolling massage, and speakers in the head rest?
Chandler: Yeah, Id love to but Ive tried that so many times they wont even let me in the store anymore.
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
Rachel: I just purchased the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000. (Which is an actual product by the way, Im not sure about the 3000 part.)
Rachel: Yeah, he thought he broke your chair so he switched the chairs!
Joey: (sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. Im so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.
Chandler: I think I should get the chair!
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Chandler: Well, wheres the logic in that?!
Rachel: The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to break a chair in half!
Rachel: Were the Cobras!
Phoebe: (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? Hes the supply manager around here.
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Earl: Im actually the office manager.
Phoebe: But ifno look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the universe does! And that says a lot!
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Mr. Geller: Its the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Monica: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca loungers gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)
Joey: The country?
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Phoebe: Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.)
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
Phoebe: (gets up and starts to leave) We want the last six years back!!
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Joey: The country.
Monica: From here to the airport?
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel enters the apartment.]
Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.
Monica: What are you talking about? (Pointing out the window.) She obviously lives on the second floor, seventh apartment from the left!
Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...
Woman: (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December.
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Monica: Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries Oh my God! I cant believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Monica: Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else. And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my People magazine comes on Saturday, and the new Hold Everything catalog. Y'know but that does not mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no right to make that kind of judgment about me.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, Ill be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe Im sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Mike: Look it's not about who I would marry. And I was certain the first time I got married it would last forever. And I was totally wrong!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Monica: The second sister dies in Archie and Jughead Double Digest?
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?
Rachel: Come on you guys! What are doing?! I thought we were the patch sisters!
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Chandler: Nobody is opening anything ok? Look, I dont know about you guys, but I wanna see the look on Monicas face when I give her my present, and Im sure she wants to see the look on my face when I get mine. So please, please, can we just, can we put them back?
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk)
Julie: And the spitting?
Joey: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?
Jessica Lockhart: Whats the matter Dina? Dont you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?!
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! Im going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes.
Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Phoebe: Be cool! (They both pretend to have a nice conversation as the guard walks by, but after he leaves they both start fighting again.) Okay lady, your lurking days are over!
Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?
(The phone rings.)
Monica: Hes got something plastic lodged in his throat, weve got to go to the hospital.
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Joey: Okay, may I see the comics?
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Joey: Where are you going? The vicar wont be home for hours.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
The Doctor: But, youre not identical twins.
Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it’s in the diaper bag.
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.]
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Monica: If the school finds out youre fired.
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Chandler: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are having their party. All the guests are stripped down because of the heat.]
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Monica is lugging one of those floor polishing machines through the hallway. Rachel comes up the steps and stops when she sees Monica.]
Mrs. Geller: I certainly see what the girls like coming here.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like theyre weirdos.]
[Out on the balcony]
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Rachel: All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
Ross: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party.
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins?
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
JOEY: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's face it, they're no friend to the environment.
Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) "Bam-bam, don't take no for an answer. Bam-bam, don't let love fly away. Bam-bam-bam-bam..."
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)
CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]
Monica: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out!
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
Ross: Hello to the rest.
Joey: Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise.
Rachel: Oh. Do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
Rachel: Oh god what am I gonna do you guys, I cant even comfort my own baby! Im the worst mother ever!