words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I wantI need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Phoebe: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?
Phoebe: Exactly! Because it's in the past!
Joey: (eyeing the flattened scone) Anybody gonna eat that?
Monica: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating?
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Monica: Ooh, and I can do this. (She kisses him on the cheek.)
Doug: Hey Bing! (Slaps him on his ass.) (Sees Monica) Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?
Doug: Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Monica: Well, I-Ithere was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but I don't anymore.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
(The duck quacks.)
(The duck flaps its wings frantically.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!
Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
Phoebe: Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This is not over!
Ross: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: (licks the envelope and encounters a foreign substance on the glue.) Oh God!
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
(They both walk off the court.)
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Doug: Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game.
Monica: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.
(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)
Chandler: Long! (Gives Monica the Work Laugh.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Chandler are returning from the game.]
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
Joey: Maybe we should check the trash chute.
Rachel: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.
Monica: Oh my God! (She goes to hug him, stops short, and hits him on the shoulder.) Where the hell have you been?!!
Rachel: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?
[Suddenly the door opens and Ross's mystery girl enters. I'll give you a hint to who it is: OH .MY .GAWD!! Uh-huh, it's Janice.]
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Rachel: Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.
Monica: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty treat.)
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh? (Once again, with the laugh.)
(Doug and Kara go get the coffee.)
Monica: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Chandler: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]
Monica: I know! It's just that ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Monica: Wh-wh-what are you doing here? (She tries to pull her shirt down to cover the fact that she's wearing men's boxers.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Janice are sitting on the couch.]
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffeeahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Janice: No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and waters fine.
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table, talking.]
Phoebe: Just a sec., we're kind in the middle of something here.
[Cut to someone entering Central Perk which lets a cat in. The cat then runs over to Phoebes guitar case and starts sniffing around.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are discussing the note.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Rachel: Ummm. Oh! Im sorry. (She grabs the box and offers him a piece.) Its a little old but
Phoebe: Im, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdales and use the copy machine.
(Joey gets all happy with himself, while the rest of the gang is less than enthused.)
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on thethat looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say hi! but then I figured, he doesnt care if he looks like you.
[Ross is speaking to Monica and Rachel about tipping the super.]
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Joey: (To Monica) Hey-hey-hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question.
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
(Goes over and picks up the remote.)
Man: Im in the middle (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.)
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)
Phoebe: Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it?
Monica: Then youd be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesnt make any sense.
Ross: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.
[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
Chandler: Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it could be a game room, yknow? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!
Rachel: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
Joey/Drake: I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.
Ross: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?
Ross: Well, and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmentalPotluck dinner.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Chandler: Yeah Ross, I mean... we're excited to hear the speech but the rest of the time we're gonna wanna do, you know, "island's stuff".
Chandler: Ok, here we go! (he pushes the play button)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.]
Monica: This is where I thought the barca lounger could go! You see you could see the TV and its still walking distance to the kitchen.
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
Phoebe: Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the house.)
Rachel: Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I'm so jealous!
Monica: IT'S THE HUMIDITY!
Monica: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
Monica: The truth is, Dad, were-were trying.
Ross: Okay! (Walks away from him.) Umm, I uh, Im your teacher. Im sorry, youre-youre a student and I-and I like women. In spite of what may be written on the backs of some of these chairs.
Joey: (Touches the back of his head and licks his fingers) Oh man! I thought I got it all!
Monica: (to the waitress) When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.
Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesnt, and the dog goes running off.) Well, youre cute, but youre not too smart!
Joey: Whoa-whoa dad? There's a dad in the commercial?
Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
(cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.)
Ross: That was the only way I could get him to stop typing!
Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, yknow, Im kinda musical.
Joey: (impressed) Wow! You look... (drops the cookie)... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness!
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Chandler: Oh, he works in the Fine Foods division.
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren Offices, Rachel gets in . Kim is there.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's on the couch when Ross walks to him, with his jacket closed.]
Ross: Good, 'cause the ladies, not so much. (shakes his head, give him a thumbs up and leaves)
Monica: You gotta go home and get the earrings that you borrowed from me okay? Chandler wants me to wear them tonight.
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Charlie: (sitting down on the bed) I think we need to talk...!
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
The Professor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?
Rachel: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Helena: (standing at a table and asking the guy sitting there) Where are you from?
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots dont really go with it.
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?
Rachel: so basically you've slept with all the woman in New York and now you're just going around again.
Chandler: Oh, it would be you! You! Monica! And you'd get all the votes!
Chandler: Look, for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship. Okay, I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know, telling the truth.
JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
Phoebe: Well maybe you dont talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about yknow all the things that hes taught you. Like (They all try to think about one example and dont succeed.) Or all the things you taught him.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. (Pause) Although I-I hope they dont.
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
Ross: Oh sure. (He sits on the apothecary table and touches her hand.)
PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. [singing] Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes, she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike. But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner, And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner. Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, but the truth is she died and some day you will too. La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...
Monica: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
Phoebe: Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.
Rachel: Wow! This is shaping up to be a pretty good dateOh, I almost forgot. I didnt pay you the rent check.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
David: So, ehm... I'm proposing to Pheobe tonight. (Removes a ring box from his pocket and opens it to show Chandler the ring)
Ross: (He puts his hand over the hole on the box.) (to Chandler) Now, well see.
Monica: Yknow what? He will forgive you. And I like to bring a pad with me when I go answer the phone just in case (Chandler gets that disgusted look back.) Okay
Chandler: Okay, so how bummed were you when the second sister died huh?
[Scene: Back in New York, Monica and Chandler in Central Perk on the couch]
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)