words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is looking around the shop as Phoebe returns from getting some more coffee.]
Rachel: Look at that guy by the window, wow!
Rachel: Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean its like every guy I seeI mean look here. (Points behind them) Look at that guy for example, I mean normally thats not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way Im feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.
Phoebe: Wait a second! This is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?
Phoebe: This is completely normal, around the fourth month your hormones start going crazy.
Ross: Hey where-where are the pictures that creepy pretzel vendor took of us together?
Mona: Oh yeah, probably at the end. (Flips to the end.) Oh my God! He only took pictures of my breasts!
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
Phoebe: Wait, Im-Im sorry. Whats the big deal about a holiday card?
Doug: Bing! Ho! And the Bing-ette!
Doug: Hi. So good news, the divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M.
Doug: Oh well, give it time. So the divorce, the marriage, weve got a lot to celebrate. How about we all go out to dinner tomorrow night?
Doug: Tomorrow night it is then, I should be out of court by six. They keep throwing these sexual harassment cases at me and I keep knocking them out of the park!
Monica: Thats because he wasnt invited because of the way he behaved at our engagement party.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, theres a knock on the door and he opens it to Mona.]
Mona: Hey, I went by the photo shop, take a look, here is a mockup of our card. What do you think?
Ross: A hundred?! Well, I-I guess Ill take aMona, uh I-Im not sure about the whole uh, card thing.
Ross: Lets do the card!
Ross: The card! I think were there!
Ross: Really?! I mean, even with the card?
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Yknow who Im talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers (Stops when she realizes it was her.)
Dr. Schiff: (entering) Hi Rachel? Im Dr. Schiff. (By the way, hes an attractive man.)
Dr. Schiff: Okay then, would you like to lie down on the table?
Rachel: Well would you like me to lie down on the table?
Rachel: Well, lets see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.
Monica: Oh yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase. Oh man you were so hard up you practically came on to me.
Ross: Yeah, were not just doing a card! Yknow, she-she also wants to have the conversation about where the relationship is going.
Ross: Whoa-hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.
Monica: That is a slap in the face.
Ross: Forget it. I-IYknow what? Ill just have the conversation. Ill just say I like things the way they are, and hope for the best. What do you think Rach?
Chandler: Its the semi-finals of her botchy ball tournament.
Doug: So why cant the three of us go out together?
Doug: Good God Bing I well I cant say Im altogether surprised, I saw the way she looked at you, and there was no love there. And the way she looked at me, pure lust.
Doug: Bing my boy, were gonna get you over this. Now heres the plan, grab your coat, were going to a strip club.
Ross: I mean, theres no point in spending time with someone if-if its just fun. Its gotta be, its gotta be going somewhere right? So where-where is it going? (Pause) Ah! Thats-thats the real question. And-and the answer is is its going somewhere fun. Now I-I know what youre thinking, fun was fine for you like ten years ago yknow, but youre-youre not getting any younger. No I meanNo not you, not you, youyou are getting younger. I meanyou-you look like youre getting younger by the secondWhats your secret?
Ross: Not just a key, I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship.
Phoebe: (entering with some guy) Hey. Ooh Ross! Howd the conversation go?
Ross: Oh great, I live on the street.
Rachel: Yeah. (They go into the kitchen.)
Doug: No, its a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. Were gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!
Doug: Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, yknow I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, a locksmith has finished changing the locks on Rosss door.]
Mona: (entering) Hey Ross, whats going on? You changing the lock?
Mona: I dont understand. You-you give me a key to your apartment and then you change the lock.
Monica: From the tequila factory?
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is on the phone.]
Rachel: Yes. Hi, Id like to order a pizza. Okay, can I ask you a question? Is-is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very Ambercrombie & Fitch. (Joey enters.) Ill call you back.
Rachel: Its just the pizza place.
Joey: You hung up on the pizza place? I dont hang up on your friends.
Rachel: Thats the end of this conversation!
(They both go into their rooms and after a little while Rachel pokes her head into the living room.)
Joey: Get back in there! (Rachel re-enters her room and closes the door.)
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
Tag: Oh, Im sorry. (He bends over to pick the stuff up.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
[Scene: The breakfast buffet, Phoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Mike: Ok, ok, I'll throw away the traps.
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
Monica: Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
Chandler: Ah! The high road...
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away.
Woman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.
Rachel: What? What's the matter?
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
Chandler: She's smart and funny, y'know? We were up all last night talking, she said the funniest thing about--what?
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. (Pause.) I'm sorry. (Runs to the bathroom.)
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Phoebe: All the time when you're cooking.
Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, Ill take care of the rest.
Monica: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!
<Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet>
Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Phoebe: Yes, she gives the people what they want.
Richard: No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta!
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Monica: Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Monica: What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the sofa]
Phoebe: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone)
Ross: What about the guy from the bar?
Chandler: You mean the lully story?
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, the games not over, were just switching teams.
Amanda: Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Steve: (looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O's! (grabs the cereal box)
Phoebe: Hes right though, the 74 is absolute piss.
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Rachel: Uh-hmm. (Just as Rachel finishes signing her name, Ross yanks each page out of the way.)
Chandler: (enters the room wearing an "I love New York" t-shirt, a "Statue of Liberty" hat and carrying bags) New York is awesome!
Phoebe: No, no-no, she was a human lady. This is the spirit of my Mom Lily, the one who killed herself.
[Rachel hits some tom-toms and ends up on the 'crash'-cymbal, which is in fact a ride-cymbal, but whatever...]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
(He hops onto the bed and they start making out.)
Rachel: Why? What's the big deal?
Kim: (to Nancy) So, okay! So you'll come with me on the Paris trip.
Joey: Oh my God! I didn�t feel a thing ! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles aroundthat sadistic bitch at the saloon
(They sit down on the couch.)
Chandler (reading the newspaper): Suddenly I wish I was reading my own name.
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, everyone but Rachel is standing and looking into the window.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching Pete fight on TV. Monica is hiding in the kitchen, not watching.]
Ross: It's been sixteen years but the air quotes still hurt.
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Chandler: Today is the sixth.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Janine: No no no no, its potpourri. Youre supposed to smell it. (Joey takes a big whiff of the potpourri.)
Joshua: Yeah-yeah, its this huge place, and-and its got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
(The waiter leaves.)
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Rosss Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
Monica: Back then, I thought that I would never, ever get the chance to go out with a Chip Matthews, and now hes-hes called me up and asked me out. And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I-I owe her this. I never let her eat.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Rachel: Okay. Uh, well can we, can we get you anything Mr. Zelner? Maybe some chocolates? (Holds up the box.)
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, OK, serious poker.
Mrs. Bing: Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon therell be lots of little Bings. (He freaks out and loosens the tie again.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Phoebe: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
Waiter: I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.
(Ross sees the waiter looking at him.)
Chandler: Yeah, check out the ring. (Shows it to them.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Steve are walking home from their date. Steve is sobbing.]
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandros.
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
[Scene: The lobby of Ross's building, he's sitting on the couch at the bottom of the stairs, and he's practicing enticing women to join him on the couch.]
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
(They stop when they see Ross who has to struggle to get out of the bed.)
Phoebe: Yeah That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. (They both get up.)
(Joey does the "plan-laugh.")
JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.