words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: (reading the comics) Eh..., I dont, I dont know.
Gunther: (laughs) Good one. Actually, ah, Terry wants you to take the training again, whenever.
[Scene: The hallway of Rosss building, there is a Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Chandler come up the stairs.]
Sarah: So thats two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping its wings.)
(they both start up the stairs.)
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three Ps of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah whos started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gangs all there discussing the incident.]
Chandler: (reading the paper) Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night. (to Ross) Where exactly were around ten-ish?
Monica: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll, the ability to walk...
Joey: Well, Im pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people happy.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, because for most of them, its the only chance to see New York.
Gunther: ...and after youve delivered the drinks, you take the empty tray....
Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, Ive worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. (points to the counter.)
Gunther: What if you put them here. (sets the empty tray on another stack of empty trays on the back counter.)
Rachel: Huh. Well, y'know thats actually a really good idea, because that way theyll be closer to the mugs. Y'know what, you should have the other waitresses do that too.
Gunther: They already do. Thats why they call it the tray spot.
Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.
Sarah: Yeah. My Dad says if I spend as much time helping him clean apartments, as I do daydreaming about outer space, hed be able to afford a trip to the Taj Mahal.
Ross: I think you would have to clean a whole lot of apartments to go all the way to India.
Sarah: No. The one in Atlantic City, Dad loves the slots. He says hes gonna double the college money my Grandma left me.
Sarah: The girl who won last year sold four hundred and seventy-five.
Ross: Four hundred, huh? Well, that sounds do-able. (starts to get out his wallet) How much are the boxes?
Sarah: Could you pull open the curtains for me? The astronauts from the space shuttle are gonna be on the news, and since we dont have a TV, the lady across the alley said shed push hers up to a window, so I could watch it.
Woman: (looking through her peephole, we see Ross standing in the hallway.) Yesss?
Ross: No, hi, Im, Im an honorary Brown Bird (does the Brown Bird salute.)
Woman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button, y'know. Now, go away!
Ross: No, please, please, um, its for a poor little girl who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in the world.
Ross: Okay, okay! Im going. Im going. (goes across the hall to knock on another door.)
Phoebe: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said, and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little judgmental. Yeah, (looks at the tree) oh, but oh...
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Phoebe: You keep the old ones in the back, that is so ageist.
Joey: Well we have to make room for the fresh ones.
Phoebe: So, what happens to the old guys?
Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling thats not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in horror and hides her face against Joeys shoulder, as she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!! (makes the cut it motion with his hands)
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross is telling the gang, minus Rachel whos still being retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Ross: ...and these come in the shapes of your favourite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph, and Baby Jesus.
Joey: All right, Ill take a box of the cream filled Jesuss.
Ross: No, but ah, theres coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, Ill put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
Monica: All right, Ill take one box of the mint treasures, just one, and thats it. I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds. (to Ross) Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know Im sure thats not gonna happen this time, why dont I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.
Ross: Ill tell you what Mon, Ill give you the first box for free.
Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating em! (chases after her.)
Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, youve got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
Rachel: The fear?
Rachel: Well then how come youre still at a job that you hate, I mean why dont you quit and get the fear?
Rachel: Cant I just look at the handles on them?
Rachel: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why Im a terrible waitress? Because, I dont care. I dont care. I dont care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I dont care where the tray spot is, I just dont care, this is not what I want to do. So I dont think I should do it anymore. Im gonna give you my weeks notice.
Monica: (comes up and starts looking through Rosss cookie supply) Ross, but me down for another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, where are the mint treasures?
Monica: (covers her neck) Oh God! (runs to the bathroom)
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! Thats when it occurred to me, the key to my success, the munchies. So I ah, started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!'
Rachel: I dont know, I dont know, werent you the guy that told me to quit my job when I had absolutely nothing else to do. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!
Chandler: You-you-you dont wanna give into the fear.
Joey: And now for the great news.
Ross: What, that wasnt the great news?
Joey: Only if you think its better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
Phoebe: (running up carrying a tree) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, you dont want that one. No, you can have this cool brown one. (points to the almost dead tree she has)
Phoebe: Okay but thats why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil its Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey
Joey: Yeah, the ah, trees that dont fulfil their Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper.
Phoebe: Well look no further, (shows her the dead one) this ones yours! Ahhh.
Monica: Is this the one that I threw out last year?
Phoebe: All right y'know what, nevermind! Everyone wants to have a green one! Im sorry, Im sorry, I didnt mean to get so emotional, I guess its just the holidays, its hard.
[Scene: A Brown Bird meeting, Ross is there with the other Brown Birds to see who won the contest.]
Ross: (to the girl sitting next to him) Hi there. How many, how many ah, did you sell?
Girl: Im not gonna tell you! Youre the bad man who broke Sarahs leg.
Girl: Why dont you look in the mirror, scrud.
Leader: All right girls, and man. Lets see your final tallies. (all the girls raise their hands) Ohhhh, Debbie, (looks at her form) 321 boxes of cookies, (to Debbie) Very nice.
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
Chandler: Y'know what Rach, maybe you should just, y'know stay here at the coffee house.
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are coming up the stairs.]
(They start to go into Monica and Rachels, their apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joeys work.)
Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) Merry Christmas!!
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, youre the best!
Chandler: Its like Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.
Rachel: (answering the phone) Hello? (listens) Yeah, this is she. (listens) Oh! Youre kidding! Youre kidding! (listens) Oh thank you! I love you!
Rachel: (hanging up the phone) I got the job!
Rachel: Here we go. Im serving my last cup of coffee. (the gang starts humming the graduation theme) There you go. (hands it to Chandler) Enjoy. (they all cheer)
Rachel: Um, excuse me, everyone. Ah, this is my last night working here, and I ah, just wanted say that I made some really good friends working here, and ah, its just time to move on. (at the counter Gunther starts to cry and runs into the back room) Ah, and no offence to everybody who ah, still works here, you have no idea how good it feels to say that as of this moment I will never have to make coffee again.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandlers.]
Ross: Im, Im sorry you didnt get to go to Spacecamp, and Im hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttles Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Ross: Oh come on! Here we go! (picks her up and puts her in the chair) Stand by for mission countdown!
Joey: (simulating an echo) Ten, ten.., nine, nine, nine...., eight, eight, eight... (Chandler hits him in the back of the head) Okay, Blast off!
(They start shaking the chair likes its flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
Ross: Oh no! An asteroid! (throws the soccer ball off the back of Joeys head.)
(The camera zooms in on Sarah and she has a big smile on her face.)
Hums While He Pees: Me too! Im sorry that guy in the subway licked your neck.
Monica: (pointing to a picture on the table) I-Is... Is that a picture?
Phoebe: Okay. So, this wire is connected to this wire which plugs into here. (She points at each as she says it.) Okay so, to get the beeping to stop all I have to do (She picks up a shoe and proceeds to pummel the smoke detector. She then gets up and heads to bed, stops, quickly turns around, and is satisfied that the beeping has stopped.) Well done, Pheebs. (She resumes her trek to bed, but is stopped at the entrance to the hallway by the now steady and extremely loud tone emanating from the smoke detector.) (Yelling.) What do you want from me?!!!!!!!
Rachel: Well, I thought you liked doing it. (Rachel starts out the door and stops.)
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
Chandler: (hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!".
[Scene: back in the conference room in Tulsa]
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
Rachel: Alright thanks, oh Ross could you stop by the coffee house and get me a muffin?
Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Ross: Thats right, I love you! And-and Im gonna play with you all the time.
Chandler: I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!
Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird?
(She walks over to Central Perk and enters to find Ross sitting on the couch, eating crab cakes. She takes off her coat while groaning and shuddering.)
Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time?
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like Im holding down the fort all by myself.
Phoebe: Please, dont play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!
Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)
MONICA: You should go to the game.� It's okay.� I want you to.
Rachel: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monicas door.]
(All the others look at her, stunned/incredulous)
Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, Im ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.
Chandler: (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others)
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Ross: Just then or-or all the time, cause we-we have jobs yknow.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
Phoebe: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
ROSS: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you buddy.
Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Joey: Of course it does! It’s smart! I used the the-saurus!
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
Chandler: (yelling from the changing room) All right! I found one that fits!
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room! Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!
Monica: Daddy! I dont think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex.
Ross: (grabbing back his coffee) If the place you are referring too is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!
Joey: Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about that.
WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.
Ross: No, its not just cause Im jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a Come on look) I mean Im not, Im not, Im not jealous, okay? Its Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other in shock.)
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
MONICA: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.
Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Ross: Umm say, I-I opened this earlier (The privacy screen) but let me give you guys some privacy.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick Bastard are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.]
Phoebe: No, Im-Im not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
(They both laugh as Ross heads back to the bathroom.)
Steve: Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)
Gavin: Yeah, hey. (comes in to the balcony)
Ross: The physical act of love. (Hisses at her.)
Ross: I dont know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
[Scene: The Porsche, they have pulled over and are awaiting the cop to come talk to them.]
Tag: Oh, Im sorry. (He bends over to pick the stuff up.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
[Scene: The breakfast buffet, Phoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Mike: Ok, ok, I'll throw away the traps.
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
Monica: Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
Chandler: Ah! The high road...
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away.
Woman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.
Rachel: What? What's the matter?
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.