words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah Ill take that.
[Cut to Monica out on the balcony.]
Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) Im engaged!!!!!! Im engaged!!!!
Joey: Yeah, shes been out there for twenty minutes, Im surprised you didnt hear her on the way over.
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. Ill be in the closet.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from earlier, everyone is now in the living room drinking champagne.]
Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, yknow, Im kinda musical.
Phoebe: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?
Monica: Yknow what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.
Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?
(Walks out and after he closes the door Phoebe turns around and takes a bite out of what is left of his candy bar.)
Monica: (looking at her hand) Yknow what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) Youre not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.)
Chandler: Theres gonna be a wedding. Youre gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
Monica: (lustily) Lets do it! (She kisses him and they fall back onto the bed.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Phoebe: Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. (Singing)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is looking at the foosball table.]
Chandler: Sure, you guys dont have this problem, youre made of wood. (Rachel comes out of the bathroom) Hey!
[Rachel exits into the hallway just as Ross is coming up the stairs.]
Ross: Well sure. But I get married all the time so
Rachel: Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff.
Ross: Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh?
Ross: (to his hands) Way to go guys. Yknow, you-you were really good at the stuff too.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Joey: So youre playing a little Playstation, huh? Thats whack! Playstation is whack! Sup with the whack Playstation, sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?!
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.
Joey: Wow thanks! (He goes into his bedroom and closes the door.)
Chandler: Well, its just the reason that Im asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable toI mean I really wanted too, but I couldnt . There huhhmm, there-there was an incident.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the living room and Phoebe is in her room.]
Phoebe: Im sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.)
Monica: (grabs the guitar away from her) No, Phoebe, Ill tell you what, if you get ready now Ill let you play it at the wedding.
Monica: Ill get everybody else (Does so), finally we can start celebrating my(She gasps and is stopped by the sight of Ross and Rachel making out in the hall.) Im sorry, uh apparently Ive opened the door to the past.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from before the commercial break. Monica is walking into the apartment followed by Ross and Rachel.]
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, well get us some Mai Thais, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Monica: Yknow what? I-I think that umm, I dont feel like going to The Plaza.
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
Phoebe: (shes strumming something) Yeah? (Joey nods yes.) Okay, I think Ill play it at the wedding.
Ross: Hey, I just realized we kinda let some stuff up in the air
Chandler: Now Monica, I know youre upset, but dont forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then theres going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because its romantic, but because I can!
(They start making out and both start to feel something growing below the belt line.)
(There is a knock on the door.)
Monica: (opening the door) Hi Pheebs, whats up? (She enters.)
Phoebe: Yknow, just some good faith money to hold the date.
[Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandlers room, they are making out again as theres another knock on the door.]
Chandler: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I dont care!
(Monica opens the door to Ross and Rachel.)
Rachel: No-no, seriously-seriously, what was the especially me part about?
Monica: Well, lets just say its not the first time youve stolen my thunder.
(Rachel ignores him and follows Monica into the kitchen.)
Monica: Its all everybody at the party could talk about!
Rachel: Monica, yknow what? The only reason I did that was because your party was so boring!
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it aint gonna happen!
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
Monica: I dont know! I dontmaybe youre feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought youd get married first! Maybe you cant stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you!
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Monica: (outside the door) Its Monica, open up!
Monica: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement Im going to announce that Im pregnant!
Rachel: Look, I am so so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that Im not. Im not even close. And I dont know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that thats dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
Ross: (at the door) And uh, Rachel.
Ross: What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person whos going to enjoy these bad boys (holds up his hands) is me. (Quickly realizes what he said and exits disgustedly.)
Phoebe: Now (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)Ohoh! All right, Ill pound on him in the morning.
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, Im ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Yes! And thats why Im under the table. Celebrating.
Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.
Chandler: (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others)
Monica: Okay, while were waiting for these pills to kick in, Im gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, Im gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And ImSit down(She sits down on the couch)gonna make you some tea. And then, Im gonna rub your feet.
Ross: Just then or-or all the time, cause we-we have jobs yknow.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Ross: (in his head) All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out, phasing it out. So without out re-testing the results in the laboratory (pronounced the British way) the team would never have identified (British) the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis (British). Were there any questions at this point? (One student raises his hand.) Yes. (Points to him.)
RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
Phoebe: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
ROSS: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you buddy.
Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Joey: Of course it does! It’s smart! I used the the-saurus!
Richard: on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
Chandler: (yelling from the changing room) All right! I found one that fits!
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Judy: (to Monica) I remember your first birthday! Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard! We had to take him to the emergency room! Ross: (pointing the camcorder at himself) There's something you didn't know about your dad!
Monica: Daddy! I dont think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex.
Ross: (grabbing back his coffee) If the place you are referring too is being in love, then she is in the same place as me because I am not in that place!
Joey: Yeah, I called the lady about that. I told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about that.
WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.
Ross: No, its not just cause Im jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a Come on look) I mean Im not, Im not, Im not jealous, okay? Its Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other in shock.)
Kate: Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
MONICA: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.
Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
Ross: Umm say, I-I opened this earlier (The privacy screen) but let me give you guys some privacy.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Evil Bitch and Sick Bastard are gone and Ross has just finished talking to a nurse as Rachel stands and stretches.]
Phoebe: No, Im-Im not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
(They both laugh as Ross heads back to the bathroom.)
Steve: Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)
Gavin: Yeah, hey. (comes in to the balcony)
Ross: The physical act of love. (Hisses at her.)
Ross: I dont know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
[Scene: The Porsche, they have pulled over and are awaiting the cop to come talk to them.]
Tag: Oh, Im sorry. (He bends over to pick the stuff up.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
[Scene: The breakfast buffet, Phoebe is already sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Mike: Ok, ok, I'll throw away the traps.
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
Monica: Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
Chandler: Ah! The high road...
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Ross: No. When he called, I...I threw the message away.
Woman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Chandler: Because we don't do that. We are Bings! And if there's one thing my father taught me was... well to always knock before going into the pool house... but the other thing was never borrow money.
Rachel: What? What's the matter?
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.
(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
Chandler: She's smart and funny, y'know? We were up all last night talking, she said the funniest thing about--what?
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. (Pause.) I'm sorry. (Runs to the bathroom.)
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Phoebe: All the time when you're cooking.
Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, Ill take care of the rest.
Monica: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!
<Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet>
Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
Ross: (To Joey) I know, I wasnt finished. (Joey motions him to finish.) (Yelling at the street) But dont worry! Were gonna go down the fire escape!!
Phoebe: Yes, she gives the people what they want.
Richard: No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta!
Monica: I swear I didnt. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door?
Monica: Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Monica: What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the sofa]
Phoebe: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone)
Ross: What about the guy from the bar?
Chandler: You mean the lully story?
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, the games not over, were just switching teams.
Amanda: Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)