words in movies
Phoebe: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
Rachel: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)
Rachel: I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient. Come on. I wanna hear everything! Everything. (Looks at Julie)
Rachel: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
Chandler: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
Ross: The screaming guy?
Julie: And the spitting?
Rachel: And the chicken pooped in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
Ross: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.
Rachel: Bye. (She closes the door and everyone tries to sympathize with her.)
Chandler: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
Chandler: He said...he said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself! Without any outside help whatsoever.
Rachel: How is that the silver lining?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Ross: Ironically, these are the guys who were picked last in gym.
[Cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]
Monica: Well, I was thinking, that you gave the guys such great haircuts, I thought, maybe you'd like to do mine?
(The phone rings.)
Joey: (answering the phone) Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you. (Throws him the phone.)
Chandler: Okay. You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!
Rachel: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning.]
Monica: (to Phoebe) Please, just a little bit off the back.
Joey: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
Chandler: Well, in spite of the yummy bagels and palpable tension, I've got pants that need to be altered.
Monica: (to Phoebe) You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.
Phoebe: Yeah, but this (makes Monica's face) isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this (makes Monica's face) is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
Monica: She's the actress that was in Disclosure, Indecent Proposal, Ghost!
Frankie: How long do you want the cuffs?
Chandler: At least as long as I have the pants.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]
Ross: How's the hair?
Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
(They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)
Joey: Look, Rach, Rach! I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.
Ross: (entering from the bedroom) Hey, what's goin' on? (Pats Chandler on the shoulder which causes him to jump.)
Joey: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Chandler: Come on, Monica, things could be worse. You could get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true.
Rachel: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?
Ross: Okay. (goes out onto the balcony)
Joey: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test...
[Out on the balcony]
Ross: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?
Ross: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I mean I actuallyI-I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that.
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Rachel: No, I think that was the whole all.
[Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.]
Phoebe: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
Rachel: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andie McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.
Joey: Yeah, theres this superintendents dance, the Super Ball. I dont know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that hes a crush on.
Monica: I wanna say good-bye at the car!
Gunther: I don't know if you heard about what happened between me and Phoebe the other day_
Ross: Oh hey, dont thank me, thank yourself. Youre the one who faced her fears and ultimately overcame them.
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; to Ross) It's about the job.
(Ross finally looks at the woman kissing Mark.)
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Rachel: (grabbing the magazine out of his hands) Call her! Call her now!
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, your microwave. The stereo.
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Monica: Lets get the show on it!
Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really.(She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!
Monica: And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the...
Chandler: (sees the roll) Yes!! I love you! I can't even remember what we were fighting about!
Chandler: All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the game.)
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
Ross: Yeah! Yes! Thank you! This is great. Thank you so much. And I swear, your kid is going to have the time of his life.
[Cut to the elevator lobby, Phoebe walks up and sees a man in a wheelchair with his broken leg extended.]
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.
Ross: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Monica: (entering) Phoebe? (Phoebe comes back into the living room) Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry. Have you been here long?
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Monica: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!
Ross: Yeah. (closes the door, and goes over and kisses Rachel.)
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
Sandy: No, none at all. You need to be happy with whoever is in your home... Although if you don't mind telling me, what was your problem? Maybe it's something I can work on in the future.
Phoebe: Hey! So you guys have anything planned for the big last night?
Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
Rachel: Well would you like me to lie down on the table?
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..
Ross: Well, with everything thats been going on lately, I havent exactly been the perfect boyfriend. You know, I, uh, I didnt tell her I got Rachel pregnant. I gave her a key to my apartment, and then had the locks changed! And then I lied to her about Rachel moving in with me. In a way, I actually judge her for not breaking up with me sooner, you know?
Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to-had to cut a big chunk of my hair! (crying) And it was uneven for weeks!
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, please, miss, you don't understand!
Joey: No, they-they werent in the play.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
Monica: For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing. (A guy enters holding a pizza box)
Rachel: Oh honey, this is for the best, thus I�m not distracted, worrying about Emma, how she�s doing at home and I�m being completely here with you and, oh, she spit up!
Phoebe: Okay fine! Fine! Well just have to think of some other way to put the whole Who came onto who, thing to rest! Come on now, think!!
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Ross: Its a legitimate learning technique. (Looking around and seeing the woman behind him glaring at him.) Wow!
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of stylewhat did you throw away?
Joey: Yeah. Sure. (They both half stand up, Joey pulls the neck of his sweater out, and Rachel looks down it to see his T-shirt.)
Joey: (very satisfied and smiling) That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family.
Monica: Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game. I own this game! Look at my hand. (Holds up her hand.)
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale.
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.
Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!
Joey: (sticking his head out the window) Hey, the fights starting!
Chandler: Uh, the book?
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Ross: Well I dont know, but how-how great would that be huh? You living in my building. I could help take care of the baby. I can come over whenever I want. (Rachel looks at him.) With your permission.
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at him.)
Rachel: Why? Do you have the answers written on there?
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?
Ross: (putting out the fire with a squeeze bottle of water) Okay, thats a fire. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Joey: Youre right. Youre right. I-Ill go tell her now before Ross finds out and Ill be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out.
Pete: (to Monica, by the door) So ah, we on for tomorrow?
Monica: Doing great, the quiches are coming along.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
MONICA: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the big couch.]
Doug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass!
Cheryl: (looking in the bag) Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.
Ross: Okay, y'know what, lets just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Rachel: Yeah. It was the weirdest thing. Zelner called me and he said we'll do everything we can to get you back. And that I should thank some Ron... I don't even know what department that guy's in.
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
Phoebe: Yes. Did you settle the bill?
Rachel: Okay. (They go into the living room.)
Rachel: You mean the mom you met in Montauk. She was a cat?!
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Rachel: Were the Cobras!
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
(Ross throws a punch, but Joey ducks and Ross punches the pole. Ross then screams from the pain and turns to Gunther, and Gunther has a huge smile on his face.)
Chandler: Monica says that her Maitre D. is the funniest guy she's ever met.
[Behind them, Joey goes up to the bandleader and interrupts the song.]
Joey: What the hell are you talking about, (in a Jamaican accent) "The south will rise again man."
Phoebe: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?
MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.