words in movies
Rachel: Well thatyknow its just uh, Ive never done that before. Me and him alone.
Rachel: Okay. Well thats pretty much all that we haveOh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? (Holds up a bottle of margarita mix.)
Monica: Come on! It wasnt that bad!
Rachel: Hey! We were not on aOkay. Thats fine! Fine. Yknow what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You dont have to share stuff.
Ben: (laughs) Thats a good one.
Rachel: Yeah? You like that one?
Monica: That is true.
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Ross: Thats right! Thats right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere!
Rachel: Oh that.
Ross: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! Theyre mean and theyre stupid and-and I dont want my son learning them!
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Monica: Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons!
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.)
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Rachel: Yes oh(To Ben)Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: (mimicking her) Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Rachel: Dont do that.
Ben: Dont do that.
Rachel: No! Dont say that! Dont say that!
Phoebe: Oh, interesting you should call me that! Now that I may never have one! (Holds up the warning label.)
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Phoebe: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes?
Monica: It doesnt say that!
Chandler: Isnt that what happened with you and the brides maid?
Joey: Yeah!! I call that London style.
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
Chandler: But then later that night
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Chandler: But we dont do that.
Monica: Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: (thinks) Thats the perfect amount!
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Monica: Eh, we werent that close anyway!
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Joey: Thats what that was?! Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Phoebe: Yeah, its totally meant to be. (To Monica) Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
Monica: Noo!! The point is that is was you that was there that night! It is you that I am marrying! It is you that I feel in love with!
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break.
Ross: Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face?
Ross: Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, (In a college frat boy voice) "Dude, dont you ever was your face?"
Rachel: That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!"
Ross: I will be! Listen, I dont want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. Okay?
Rachel: Fine. Fine, but Ill have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but Ill go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if thats what you want!
Ross: No thats not what I want. Uh, Im glad you guys were bonding but I
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Joey: No-hey-no! If you dont want me to do it, I except that. I dont care about that. I just I dont want you to be upset.
Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first!
Chandler: Thats what you should say.
Chandler: When youre marrying us; thats what you should say.
Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads Poop.) WhAh-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I cant do it.
Rachel: I cant let him go out that way, hes got a meeting. (To Ross) Youve got something here on your back.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: All right, thats it! (He runs over to Ben, but he runs past him and out the door.) Comeyouno! You are in big trouble young man!
Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.)
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) Thats it! Im out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Cecilia: Well, you certainly own that room.
Joey: Wow! Can I get a copy of that?
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. (Joey slowly moves off of Ross.) Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back. (Exhales strongly through his nose and Joey just glares at him.) Look! What is so great about that sandwich?
Phoebe: Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first floor?
Ross: Come on Pheebs, its not that bad! Yknow most people would be excited if they didnt have to work for a couple of weeks.
PHOEBE: It's not that bad.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first well start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesnt work we can go back to
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Joey: Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I want to have dinner with you tonight. Thats all.
Ross: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.
Ross: Well thats different! Okay? Because he, he was actually in love with me!
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?
Chandler: You know, I always feel that way after an interview. I'll bet it went better than you think.
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: (grabbing the phone) Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. (Listens.) Well, who doesn't love dogs? (Thinks.) Ah, he's a tap dancer! (Listens.) Yes, some would say that is a lost art. (Thinks.) He's a pimp! (Listens.) There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! (Pause.) Hello?
Ross: And thats Phoebe over there! (Points to her.)
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.
Ross: (slowly) Yeah. But you know what? I think you should give Joey a chance. I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else.
Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because its my sister. But, uh, uh yknow actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
Chandler: I know what you meant!! (pause) You notice that ever since we got this chick, weve been fighting a lot more than we used too?
Rachel: I cant say that Im surprised.
Ross: Hey, yknow what and if youre looking for a place? I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Chandler: That is funny, maybe for my birthday shell murder someone.
Phoebe: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you (Points to Chandler) about, cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me.
Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because its gettin cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, shell fold down the pages of the things she thinks that Id like.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
Rachel: All right. Look. Gavin...I...I guess I felt guilty that you were here, which I shouldn't. You know Ross and I are not inany relationship but...he is the father of my child, and you know we do live together and plus there is just so muchhistory...you know it's just...I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm just all over the place.
Charlie: God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so..
Mark: Ive kinda of had this ah, this crush on you. (Rachel is shocked) But since you were with Ross, I-I didnt do anything about it. But, now that youre not, Id really like to ask you out sometime. So-so thats-thats what Im doing, now.
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, yknow no commitment.
MONICA: Ross, that is gorgeous!
Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didnt come up with the answer.)
Phoebe: I am definitely gonna watch that!
Joey: Great. (He doesnt like it.) You got anything thats not Ralph Lauren?
Chandler: Yes! See you and I have always been like(motions that they think the same.)
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
Chandler: Yeah, he thinks thats my name.
MONICA: Are we still on that?
MONICA: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
RACHEL: You think about stuff like that?
Phoebe: Boy! I didnt see that coming!
RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
Phoebe: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Charlie: Oh, Newcastle disease is a secretion borne virus that only affects chickens and... other poultry.
Elizabeth: Is that supportive?
RACHEL: No, no, ACC-cept that.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
Carol: (quickly) I love that idea!
Phoebe: Okay. Oh but dont tell them Monicas pregnant because, they frown on that.
Phoebe: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.
Ross: Because she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened with Gunther. That did not look like fun.
Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, Im still carrying a little holiday weight.
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Ross: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story.
MONICA: So, are you sorry that I told them?
Monica: Now stop it! Double or nothing that she has it by tomorrow!
Ross: I cant believe someone would do that for a grade.
Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y’know, I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y’know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she’ll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I’d like.
Joey: Hey, listen to me, listen to me you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise thats not gonna happen.
Monica: Okay, okay, I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma. You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell.
RACHEL: I didn't know that.
Ross: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? (Janice makes an agreeing sound.) So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice.
Monica: Oh, thats great! I mean Im-Im sorry, but Im so happy for you. And now I can work for you!
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
Joey: (simultaneously) Oh my God!!! I cant believe that!!
Phoebe: Ohh. No thats okay, hes a friend.
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while youre making out...
Monica: Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?!
Ross: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
ROSS: Well that's the first time we've said that.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Joey: How come you have two? Chandler: Well this one's for you. Joey: Get out. Chandler: No, I can't. No-no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, (Puts bracelet on Joey) it's about you and me and the fact that we're (Reading bracelet) best buds. Joey: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies. Chandler: That's what they'll call us. [The next one is from Episode 618: The One Where Ross Dates A Student.]
Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!