words in movies
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when youll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And Im ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, hes got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me Im stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
Carol and Susan: It's a...
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
Susan: It's my baby too.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Susan: Ahh!
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Susan: Hey!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Susan: I like Ben.
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
(Susan and Emily get off.)
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Susan: Hey, its so nice to finally meet you!
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
Susan: (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesnt really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think its gonna make a difference
Ross: Hi, um, Im err, (has to clear his throat) Im Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carols bulge) ..thats, thats my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carols, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..whos next?
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Ross: Ill be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol, Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...