words in movies
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.
Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Susan: Your son.
Susan: I got it.
Susan: No, you don't.
Susan: He started it!
Susan: You did!
Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Susan: How, how is this my fault?
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.
Susan: Yes.
Ross: Yeah, Susan.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Susan: What do you see?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
Susan: What do you see? What do you see?
Susan: Oh, look at that.
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Susan: I like Ben.
Susan: That's what we were off doing.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Susan: Thanks.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Susan: Like lovers.
Carol and Susan: Hey! (This wakes Chandler and Ross up)
Susan: Uh huh.
Susan: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello
SUSAN: Hey.
Susan: This should be fun.
SUSAN: What?
SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
Susan: Oh, is he hungry already?
CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine.
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Chandler: Hello? Hello? Oh, hey Charlie. Did anybody else hear? ... What? Susan got it?? How? Oh man, I would have slept with him!! .. Alright, bye. (hangs up)
Carol: Umm, yeah, actually, Susans gonna be home any minute, its kinda an anniversary.
CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.
SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Susan: Carol, not me.
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
SUSAN: The other us.
SUSAN: [clears her throat]
SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
SUSAN: You wanna dance?
SUSAN: How you doin'?
SUSAN: You did a good thing today.
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Susan: Oh, good. Thisll be fun.
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Teacher: Im sorry, I didnt get... Susan is?
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Susan: It's my baby too.
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
Susan: Cantaloupe juice.
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
Susan: Ahh!
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Susan: Hey!
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Carol: (opening the door) Susan! Hi! (Whod you think it was gonna be?)
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
Ross: Its just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susans, its likeIt breaks my heart a little. I mean Ive always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Yknow? Maybe fight over the science section.
Ross: So! Poetry? Susans gay! Theyre being gay together!
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
(Susan and Emily get off.)
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Susan: Hey! (They hug.)
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Ross: (looking at the page) 717? (to Carol) Wheres 717? (He gets up to return the page, Carol starts to take the last of the food into the kitchen, but Ross grabs the last piece.) Hey, youve have more of these for Susan right?
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Susan: Oh yeah, Im so excited, Ive never been there.
Susan: I mean, thats what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Carol: Ah, Susan will be so pleased.
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Susan: Oh, I wouldnt miss it for the world.
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, whos got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Ross is eating the dinner Carol made for Susan.]
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
Ross: (staring at Susan) You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
Susan: Hey, its so nice to finally meet you!
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Susan: (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
Susan: Look, I dont see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because Im a woman.