words in movies
Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.)
Joey: Right-right up here. (Starts looking at them through a piece of pipe.)
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
Joey: (covering his ears and yelling) Oh no! No! No! (He starts banging on the door.)
Phoebe: (crossing her fingers and closing her eyes) Please dont be a space ship. Please dont be a space ship. (She turns on the light and looks around and finds that its the smoke detector thats beeping.) Oh thank God! (She moves a chair over and starts to investigate how to make the beeping turn off, in frustration she yanks the thing off of the wall. She sets it down and heads for bed, just as she gets there it beeps again. She opens the cover and removes the battery, but it still beeps.) How could you be beeping?! I just disconnected you! I took out your battery! How can
Rachel: Yknow, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? (He starts laughing.) Tag! Im serious! This isnt funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today!
Chandler: You see, I dont say(Starts laughing.)
Chandler: Oh really?! You think youre stronger? Why dont you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Rachel: No, not really. Youre pressing the baby into my bladder and now I have to pee. Sorry. (She gets up and starts for the bathroom.)
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
(Steve starts crying loudly.)
(Joey starts to leave.)
Ross: Yeah, I guess I should. (Starts to leave.) Man, yknow what I have to realize? Maybe Im just not the type of guy women can have just one night with. Yknow, they-they always seem to want a little bit more. I should remember that. (He pauses and then exits.)
(He starts crying.)
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Phoebe: Oh no, I dont believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (Shes pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.)
(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)
Charlie: Me too. (she and Benjamin are hugging for very long and Ross starts pretending to clear his throat, until they stop)
(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Joey: (sounding panicky)Oh my god Ross! You don't have Emma! And Rachel you don't have Emma! (Starts yelling) Where's Emma? Who has Emma!?
Monica starts crying: Thank you. It was so beautiful. <gets up and walks towards the front door> I'm going to go to Joeys and get the pies.
Monica: Okay. (She does so and starts to walk towards Joey to receive her pancakes.)
Rachel: Ooh, you guys, it starts in like 20 minutes.
Rachel: What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?!
Chandler: I was asleep. (She takes off her robe and starts to shiver) Oh no! No-no honey! Yknow whats sexy? Layers. Layers are sexy. And blankets are sexy. And oh! Hot water bottles are sexy.
(He leaves, and this girl grabs Joey and starts dancing really wild.)
Chandler: Guys, guys, guess who I am?! (starts dancing around in an effort to stop the fighting.)
(Rachel starts going through her mail, and come across her invitation.)
Ross: Thats true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)
<Amy starts spitting on Rachel's hand and Rachel is saying ew and pushes her away>
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, if my friend says its time to go, its time to go. (Starts to leave, but comes back for his cookies.)
Chandler: (examining the hat) And the bunny got away. (Turns and starts looking for the bunny as Joey puts the hat on.)
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to
Ross: (starts rubbing her belly) Hello! Hello!
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that hed better come up here and apologize. Ill see you later. (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, thats-thats okay, no problem. (He starts to look around her office.)
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
(Precious starts crying)
Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning!
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny...? You got a manny...? (Monica starts laughing, but very exaggerated. Joey realises they also should laugh and punches Ross. Now all three of them laugh, but very fake. Chandler seems happy again.)
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
(Chandler starts looking at her bra)
(Chandler acts disgusted, but is happy that Joey has stopped snoring. However, just as he is about to leave, Joey starts snoring again. So to get him to stop, he slams the door shut, waking Joey.)
Phoebe: (Also gets up and starts taking her purse) Oh my God. Was Mike with him?
Rachel: Okay then! (She starts rummaging through the trash to find Kim's lighter.)
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: Thats right, its all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! (Steps into the apartment and Chandler closes the door.) (Joey struts over to the candy and starts eating it.)
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Ross: Here we go! (He starts pushing Emma)
Rachel: Oh. Look at you making up crap for me. Oh God! (Starts another contraction as Dr. Long enters.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying ow with laughing.)
Rachel: Oh (happy) oh no just stopped to throw up a little bit. (Emma starts crying again.) Oh come on, what am I gonna do, its been hours and it wont stop crying.
Phoebe: Him youre friends with. (Starts looking at the children trying to find Jack and a teacher notices her.)
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Monica: I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod Yes.)
(She starts to run out but is stopped by a figure looming out of the darkness carrying a pick axe.)
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Rachel: Yeah! If you don't I will! Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger, your ass is gonna get bigger, you're gonna lose bladder control. (she starts sobbing) God! It's just such a magical time!
(Joey climbs up on the counter and starts looking at the top of the cabinets.)
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, Im talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
Girl: Me too! (starts to take her coat off)
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, youre gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)
Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?
Ross: (He freaks out and starts jumping around brushing his sweater) WHAT? WHERE? WHERE?
Joey: Try it, I can't feel a thing! (Ross starts punching him too)
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
(She starts to play her song, but is stopped by Monica.)
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
(She starts looking through her purse, but she can't find it.)
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?
Rachel starts messing up Amy's hair: Frizzy frizzy frizzy frizzy!!
Helena: (singing) For Im loved by a pretty wonderful boy! (Applause.) Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars. (He starts going into the audience.)
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Exactly!! (sits back down at his laptop and starts typing)
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.)
Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing her hair)
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
Rachel: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! BecauseI'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want menot important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. (She starts for the door.) (Stops) Your decision.
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Phoebe: Regular Celery! (Starts to write that on her list) Oh, I already have that. (She gets up and heads for her room)
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Phoebe: Huh. Okay. Well, Im really happy for you. (Starts to walk away.)
Phoebe: All right. Hold on. (She starts digging in the chair.) I got it. Nickel! (Donates it.) How much more do we need?
Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a two year old. (starts to light another cigarette.)
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)